Well, boobarinos, the weekend starts early! Remember how excited people were for a new Star Trek series? Remember how quickly people realised it was going to be garbage? Well, now you can relive those glory days with this... thing. Buckle up, because it's time for Star Trek: Discovery!
Storytime of DEEP HURTING: Discovery - Succession
Robert Adams
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Matthew Walker
Tyler Cox
Nathan Moore
Thomas Perry
Jordan Walker
Cooper Fisher
Blake Smith
What's wrong with discovery. What makes it so bad
Anthony Nelson
You means aside from the main character being Spock's adopted sister? Or the ship running on super-special mushrooms that make it spin faster and be better than literally everything in current Trek canon, despite this being a prequel? Or pretty much every character being unlikable? Or Section 31 being behind everything to a ridiculous degree?
Austin Ramirez
Niggers.
Zachary Rivera
Hunter Green
Charles Reyes
- absolutely zero attempts to fit it into the timeline
- full of the brim of actions and dialogue that makes no fucking sense
- ridiculously up its own ass about everything it does
James Watson
Jonathan Myers
Nolan Wood
Anthony Cooper
Jacob Price
Kayden Martin
Daniel Gomez
Henry Walker
Christopher Rogers
Why do this, OP.
This is not even worth a storytime of pain, it's just forgettable trash.
Angel Fisher
Luis Phillips
Thomas Martin
Jace Hernandez
Nicholas Miller
Leo Cruz
Logan Russell
Zachary Rivera
Adam Harris
Jason Gray
Nathaniel Jones
Robert Long
Camden Watson
Robert Bell
Carson Flores
Brayden Anderson
Juan Taylor
Isaiah Edwards
Grayson James
Ian Edwards
Noah Clark
Aiden Moore
Elijah Gonzalez
Nathan Torres
Blake Hughes
Hunter Kelly
Eli Rivera
Jace Perez
There's a part in the show where they have to use their fancy teleport drive to get the ship to a mining colony to protect it from Klingons.
On their first attempt at teleporting, the ship instead jumps buttfuck close up to a star. WITH THEIR SHIELDS DOWN. Not only is a crew NOT instantly cooked by the star's radiation, but they escape the star's gravitational pull with just their maneuvering thrusters. (Oh, and they specifically state it's an O-type star, but it looks nothing like what O-type stars look like in real fucking life OR their past depictions in Star Trek.)
It's like, super important that they stop the Klingon's attack on the colony. Once they figure out what the problem was, instead of actually testing the teleport drive to an empty part of space to see if it works, they decide to teleport to DIRECTLY ABOVE THE COLONY, IN THE PLANET'S ATMOSPHERE. If they misteleported by even a smidge, they would have destroyed the colony. But no, it works perfectly!
As soon as they teleport in, they shoot down some of the Klingon ships. Instead of leading the rest from the colony and shoot them down with the phasers that we were just shown can blow up the Klingon ships, they decide to LURE THEM BACK TO THE COLONY. They teleport out at the last second, leaving some bombs behind to blow up the Klingon ships. They do, and debris from the explosion fucking rains down on top of the colony.
I'M NOT FUCKING JOKING:
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btw:
- why did they lower the shields if they were trying to go into battle?
- why are they CAVITATING the excess energy? Does anybody on the writing staff know what cavitation is? That's the LAST thing you'd want to do.
- nipple clamps
Aaron Richardson
Julian Cooper
Jose Gutierrez
Samuel Williams
SCIENCE
FUCK YEAHHHHHHH
>dons space suit and causes multiple causality loops with time travel
NOW THIS IS THE POWER OF MATH
>Goes back in time and shits on Roddenberry's grave
SCCCIIIEEENNNCCCEEEEE
>Burp, morality isn't real Morty.
Andrew Powell
Oh wait, that second video doesn't have the fiery downpour of destruction
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Levi Miller
Blake Russell
Daily Reminder:
Science Did Nothing Wrong
Jordan Lee
Caleb Collins
Xavier Martin
And that's just a moment that doesn't involve hearing them try to sound like a Star Trek conversation. Which is quite painful.
Tyler Kelly
Juan Brown
Cameron Taylor
Elijah Price
Robert Rivera
Cameron Allen
Josiah Sanders
Jackson Bailey
I'm amazed at how well they managed to capture her cold, lifeless expressions.
Truly faithful to the source.
Angel Hill
Jacob Ortiz
Terrible writing, with plots focusing far too much on overly dramatic soap opera setups, and far too little on either making a good story or providing an interesting message.
Frequently includes references to other Star Trek series, usually so they can change the outcome or meaning of a previous plot or setting element so that Discovery is central to those elements (all the constant Spock and Enterprise focus, the Mirror Universe usage, section 31, etc etc).
Adding numerous elements that don't fit with existing trek canon for the sole focus of making Discovery and its crew special.
Being more invested in trying to force emotional reactions than keeping internally consistent logic.
Carson Myers
"Saved Us"
>Colony burning down around them
Wow.
Mason Thomas
If only Ron Moore wasn't busy with that space race show on Apple. He could re-unite with Ira Steven Behr and rescue Discovery. Even when DS9 had shit episodes and BSG turned into a dumb soap opera, at least they still had likable characters I wanted to know more about.
Angel Jenkins
Connor Peterson
>(Oh, and they specifically state it's an O-type star, but it looks nothing like what O-type stars look like in real fucking life OR their past depictions in Star Trek.)
For anyone wondering: O-types are BLUE.
en.wikipedia.org
memory-alpha.fandom.com
Colton Robinson
Jackson Ramirez
Hudson Wright
>Remember how quickly people realised it was going to be garbage?
Hey, come on now Season 1 was amazing
Granted they literally plagiarized another sci-fi author to do it but still it was a really good story they ripped off
Dylan Williams
Caleb Brown
Jace Stewart
There's a big difference between "early TNG bad" and "Discovery bad"
Anthony Cox
Adam Sanders
Jaxson Edwards
buddy it was fucking terrible
Blake Martinez
Jaxson Gutierrez
Ian Taylor
Evan Williams
Lucas Ramirez
>recast cyborg character with another actress
>kill off cyborg character immediately after they get their own episode
>new character who takes their place is played by their original actress
Not even the casting in the show makes sense.
Nathan Gutierrez
Henry Peterson
Adam Lee
Leo Bennett
Maybe the Picard show will be good. It's showrun by Michael Chabon and not Kurtzman. Chabon's a good writer. But he's got no experience showrunning.
Caleb Bennett
It was shit.
Xavier Cruz
Its worth checking out, but I wouldn't place my bets. Stewart mostly just wants cash and to be an action star these days.
Jeremiah Taylor
I am moderately hopeful that Picard will be enjoyable.
Sebastian Ross
>Maybe the Picard show will be good.
From what I've read, it's going to be about Romulan refugees trying to settle on Vulcan. Despite, you know, Romulans controlling an entire fucking star empire.
Brandon Gray
Bentley Roberts
They were getting weapons ready because they thought they were going in hot for a fight, but didn't have shields up?
They had to wait for the captain to fucking think for 15 seconds and TELL them to put the fucking shields up?
Xavier Harris
Bentley Ortiz
John Sanders
Thomas Russell
Last time we saw the Prime Universe, Romulus got eaten by a supernova. No home planet = No capital for your star empire = Your empire is a shell of its former self.
Jaxon Ortiz
Mason Lewis
The empire is still there, though. You don't need to settle outside of it.
Ryan Sanders
Dominic Long
Henry Brooks
Oliver Price
Samuel Allen
Elijah Allen
Jacob Watson
Remember when Bryan Fuller was gonna write the whole show and not just the first two episodes?
Hunter Cruz
Ian Wilson
Ethan Carter
Tyler Brown
Cooper Peterson
Grayson Ramirez
Robert Gomez
Kevin Lopez
Jason Brown
Jacob Thomas
Dominic Watson
Levi Stewart
Josiah King
Angel Brooks
Aiden Jones
Elijah Kelly
Elijah Perez
Brayden Green
Hunter Sullivan
Robert Gutierrez
Kevin Gomez
Josiah Watson
Dylan Parker
Landon Harris
Brandon Peterson
Ryan Ward
Luke Martinez
John Barnes
Matthew Hernandez
Brayden Davis
Dominic Nguyen
Chase Carter
Luis Hughes
Justin Thomas
Angel Parker
Nicholas Richardson
Jeremiah James
Juan Clark
Ian Mitchell
Dominic Brooks
Grayson Gutierrez
Ethan Clark
Jordan Long
Jaxson Reed
Ethan Richardson
youtube.com
Don't worry, there'll be plenty more from me over the weekend proper.
Ryan Lewis
Is storytime of pain this weekend ?
Thomas Parker
Sure is! Somebody's already posted three threads of Sonichu, and somebody else is going through the usual Mark Millar 3-pack: Unfunnies, Trouble and Nemesis
Nicholas Cook
And bald Klingons
Caleb Torres
Hunter Walker
Nolan Morgan
Tbf that entire shit show of an episode is one of the best of that season and the admirals ship from the pilot warping into that battle with its sheilds completely down was far more retarded. Even if you’re going in to negotiate a way toned the battle you at least have your sheilds up
Ryder Scott
Daniel Sanchez
Owen Mitchell
Logan Johnson
They already fixed all continualty issues with the spore drive. Keep up.
Justin Reed
Why would I keep up with garbage? Oh boy, they "fixed" the shit they started that should never have been there to begin with. Wheeeeeeee.
Asher Gonzalez
It's not Star Trek. It's just some random completely different show that used the name for marketing.
Evan Richardson
I honestly don't see what's wrong with the mycelium network, at all. It was actually one of the best things in this new series.
Then again most of these complaints really around like massive nerd rage over nothing.
Ah no never mind, I get it now, it's all because of Red Letter Media. I should've fucking known.
Kevin King
>bullshit maguffin is the best part of the show
>people only hate the show because of RLM
Go home Bryan Fuller, you're drunk.
Jackson Clark
Why do you think, OP needs to vent about his ST:D hateboner.
Nah I know well how this works, those who weren't even watching or caring over it suddenly come out of the woodwork to use and reuse the exact same RLM arguments, just like it happened with the SW prequels. No original thought whatsoever, ironically coming from those who also coined the dumb Nerd Crew memes.
And yeah I'm well aware you legit hated the show, don't worry. It's still a pointless thread because nobody discussed the comic until now.
Robert Phillips
>trying this hard to defend a crappy show
There's been nothing but good reasons itt from various people are to why STD is shit. You can whine about ecelebs all you like, but your reasons for the show not being crap are "Because I say so."
>nobody discussed the comic until now.
ohwaityou'reserious.gif
Colton Lee
Man I'm not trying AT ALL, if I did I would've actually pointed out how it all lines up without fucking the timeline, but like I said, why try? It's silly nerd rage and the fact that this just YOU replying me in this thread is quite telling.
Last (You) before jumping ship though, at least I expected more out of this beyond a single tripfag trying so hard to make a point while posting a frankly inoffensive comic while discussing the show. This isn't Yea Forums, bub.
Ryan Sanders
>Oh, you want ACTUAL reasons why STD isn't crap? Well, just for that I'm taking my ball and going home!
Okay, so you're either a troll or a moron. Good to know.
Blake Lopez
You a writer for the show or something?
Jonathan Davis
>the show doesn’t fuck with the timeline at all
>main protagonist if the show is Spock’s long lost sister
>show begins with a mutiny that has never been discussed since
>the entire point of the Cold War with the Klingons was a metaphors for mutually assured destruction
>STD has Klingons literally within the solar system ready to destroy earth facing no resistance
If the show didn’t have the Star Trek name it would be seen as merely incompetent rather than offensively bad
Jonathan Hughes
uh. . .thanks? From the panels I've read, I gotta say this is truly fucking terrible. Is the show actually this bad?
John Adams
It’s way worse user
Anthony Garcia
>I honestly don't see what's wrong with the mycelium network, at all. It was actually one of the best things in this new series.
>Then again most of these complaints really around like massive nerd rage over nothing.
The problem is twofold:
The first is obvious. As a prequel, the inclusion of a previously unmentioned, better-than-warp-drive-in-every-way, form of FTL is a pretty huge departure from setting history. If all it takes is some 100 year old research and some mold that you can find on almost any asteroid in the universe to perfect instant travel across any distance, the entire plot of Voyager just went up in smoke. And so did large parts of DS9. Even if you cover up the original research, nothing prevents it from being rediscovered in the future, especially in a setting as science oriented as Star Trek is where impossible phenomenon are discovered, analyzed, and reverse-engineered in single episodes. It strained credulity that the spore drive could exist in the Star Trek canon without massive, unrealistic backbending to justify why we never heard about it before.
The second problem is a bit more nuanced. Star Trek used to be actual science fiction. While outlandish at times, a lot of the technology and anomalies in Star Trek have actual scientific backing behind them, to the point that the most realistic form of FTL that anyone has come up with IRL (en.wikipedia.org
Compare that to the spore drive, which is so soft a concept it makes a splash when it hits the ground. "Mushrooms are everywhere, therefore we can go anywhere using mushrooms" isn't an explanation. It barely even qualifies as wordplay. It doesn't establish any kind of rules or play off of an existing scientific concept, its literally just a handwave.
Anthony Smith
Yes. If anything, the comics seem to be a little BETTER than the show.
Discovery has a frankly embarrassing amount in common with Star Trek fanfiction. I don't just mean the main character OC Donotsteal, but just the way it is structured.
Discovery is about the previously unmentioned adopted sister of Spock, a human named Micheal Burnham (if you wonder why a woman has a mans name and are looking forward to some kind of clever explanation or idea that toys with that, keep looking. It never comes up) who was adopted by Sarek and raised as a Vulcan because reasons. Personality wise, she is like Spock turned up to 11, but this time a black woman that is always right. And I don't mean that in a derogatory 'muh SJW' way, I mean Micheal is literally always right tot he point that its a problem. Micheal does not have character flaws, Micheal only has what APPEAR to be character flaws so that other people can question her actions or motivations and thus get in the way or her doing the right thing to create drama. Because there is no successful plan in Discovery that was not made by Burnham, carried out by Burnham, or both.
This is such a consistent pattern that Burnham's need to be the center of everything all the time means that most of the rest of the cast gets no development or screentime, because everything is always about Burnham. Who is stoic (like vulcan) but also perfect (because fanfiction protagonist) so she isn't interesting enough to carry that kind of screentime.
We don't even learn the names of most of the people on the bridge of the Discovery, They are just extras. Think about how FUCKING WEIRD that is for a Star Trek Show, where the bridge crew doesn't matter beyond the Captain, his first officer, and Micheal Burnham who does everything. There are a couple of plot important members of the science team, but beyond that the crew of the ship doesn't matter. Like at all.
Jayden Adams
So you have an omnicompetent character that gets inserted into the backstory of a famous canon character to serve as your protagonist. That's not a great starting point.
Discovery then continues to nosedive in quality by revolving the plot around a super secret, much better form of FTL travel called the Spore Drive. In a prequel. Making a show a prequel is already both limiting and creatively bankrupt because most of the time it just gets used to retread old plotlines but with the frame of "that thing you remember, BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME!" conceits. Discovery gets around the limitations of being a prequel by basically just ignoring canon and the fact that its a prequel. It doesn't even really try to pretend that this is a universe that is going to some day become the Star Trek you know until the second season, and at that point its a clumsy rush job to please the fans.
It doesn't even look like Star Trek. Did you know that Klingons were scaley space potatoes that flew around in giant mosques? Thats what Klingons are, right? And Starfleet dresses like the cast of Batllestar Galactica, thats the scifi franchise this is a prequel to, right? You know, one of those scifi franchises that's all about people backstabbing and shooting each other, not science and optimism. Thats the Star Trek you remember, right?
Its just one thing after another. And one of these points, on its own, would have been a weakness that maybe gets glossed over by the rest of the show, but add it all up and you end up with a prequel that doesn't play by the rules of the franchise it is inserting itself into, which doesn't fit that setting in tone, concept, or even the bare minimum of appearance.
If this had been a prequel to Mass Effect instead, it would be a much better fit all around. And at least we would have had an excuse for the video game protagonist syndrome.
Xavier Harris
Robert Nguyen
RISE
Logan Mitchell
No, I don't care about Star Trek and the writing is the most horribly bad I have ever seen.
Jaxson Cook
>Whenever Burnham isn’t in the scene, the other characters should be asking “Where’s Michael?”
Nolan Campbell
Camden Phillips
Juan Cox
Daniel Gonzalez
It is really, really bad at being Star Trek in all kinds of ways.
It comes across like bad fanfiction, with the main character being Spock's secret human sister, constant ill fitting name drops to particularly popular episodes, and a level of human amorality at odds with the original intentions of the franchise.
Aaron Cruz
This IS the same franchise that claimed Vulcans were going to go near extinct because they lost their homeworld in JJTrek.
James Bailey
Jose Robinson
>If this had been a prequel to Mass Effect instead, it would be a much better fit all around. And at least we would have had an excuse for the video game protagonist syndrome.
Take that back. Everyone in the ME Universe has crippling flaws and character, even if in Andromeda those flaws are strychnine poisoning and their character is from Eastenders.
Easton Gonzalez
Andrew Cooper
enjoy your STD
Christopher Wilson
>STD
Fuck off CBS All Access shill.
Cameron Robinson
Gay.
Connor Sanders
Bump for suffering
Isaiah Ward
STD traded in comfy, and episodic for generic space lazer fights. Micheal's actor couldn't act her way out of a paper bag, and it's straight up distracting. Instead of a cerebral series of mini stories about exploring the nature of life in outer space, we get one drawn out war story with mirror universe shenanigans that breaks protocol with every other series. What made it worse was the shit fest in the modern "entertainment media" with all that shit about the lead being a black women, like anyone cared. Trek is being run by toxic feminists, sjws, and 70 year old business men who couldn't give a shit beyond profits.
A new Picard show that promises to give Picard the humiliating Luke Skywalker treatment is supposed to make up for a trash grimdark Michael Burnham show that spits on Roddenberry's grave, and Star Trek's legacy? I wouldn't even waste my time watching it for free.
Gabriel Sanchez
>STD thread dead and on page 10 about to 404
>Bumps it
Well played CBS. The cancer ride never ends
Xavier Cruz
Colton Wilson
They did the EXACT same with Spocks never mentioned brother in the movie.
You have absolutely no fucking idea about Star Trek, like the rest of the embarrassing incels.
Noah Clark
Yeah, people being drama queens here. Most people on the Star Trek forums I go to like it well enough.
It's going to go the way of Voyager honestly, people going to debate about its quality for years to come.
Nicholas Green
And Star Trek V is widely panned as the overall worst TOS film. Your point being?
Owen Price
I miss Star Trek I'll take Voyager over STD hell I'd take Enterprise over it
Noah Miller
This wasn't painful in the least you fraud
Nicholas Ortiz
>bringing up the shittiest Trek movie as "proof" that you're right
Benjamin James
Star Trek 4 was about Spock (the main character) and his never before seen brother (the villain). It didn't try to make a new main character special by attaching his/her legacy to an old one.
Star Trek IV was stale and hackneyed, but its still not as mary-sue as "oh by the way, our new main character is Spock's so special sister".
James Taylor
Henry Sullivan
Star Trek 5 is the one with Spock’s long lost half brother, Star Trek 4 is the one with the whales
Colton Cruz
Enterprise was on the cusp of growing the beard when it died.
Hunter Phillips
Funny thing there is that said bother seemingly doesn't exist in DISCO.
Ayden Sanders
Is it MU comic? STD forever tainted mirror universe to me. MU should remain 1 ep deal
Bentley Sanders
DS9 did okay work with Bi-Dom Mirror Kira.
David Barnes
God damn we were so close to greatness with a Shran as a supporting character and the romulam federation war
Have you ever even watched it? Or looked up the critical response? It was panned horribly both financially and critically, but at least it tried to make a movie with subtle philosophical questions rather than thirteen hours of boring direct political allegories that’ll be forgotten in 5 years
Joshua Robinson
Worse thing, if you give it chance and benefit of doubt it will fuck you. Suffer bigger disappointment because show have still potential what it screw itself over
Michael Barnes
Picard show have better chance to pull off MC focus approach. It is Picard, who can carry show, both as character who is already established in franchise and beloved, and by actor. Plus Picard is more justified to be in center than Burnham. Also writers do better job writing big canon characters (Spock and Sarek stole carried all scenes they were in).
Ayden Jackson
Unification movement is getting stronger. And it is its peaceful version. So desire to go back to their homeworld after such disaster to their adopted homeworld is reasonable.
Jason Nelson
DS9 did one ep for season, also it was little more fresh air since Terran Empire was replaced by something else.
Jose Sanders
William Russell
Chase Watson
the biggest irony is: The Kelvin timeline has unironically begun to become better, and Beyond was just the first film without JJ's influence.
Too bad it got canned.
Blake Gomez
>I am moderately hopeful that Picard will be enjoyable.
You should stop that. They gave Picard a pitbull. That's a red flag already.
Lincoln Morgan
and they still are in danger. The only reason why QuintoSpock is serving in the Enterprise was because Spock Prime was in New Vulcan.
The bad thing about Picard is that these writers are hellbent on ruining characters. Just look at what happened to Discovery's Spock.
Unironically, STD is worse than the Kelvinverse. At least the Kelvinverse was beginning to become much like prime in terms of being an optimist view of the future. A shame that normies didn't like Beyond.
Camden Gray
not one female work jacking it to in that series.
Lucas Sanders
Jeremiah Adams
James Martin
Paramount was just stupid to not release Beyond on the 50th anniversary, I don’t think normies didn’t like it I think they just never thought about it. Into Darkness tainted the franchise with a dour convoluted plot and beyond was just terribly marketed
Jaxon Powell
Luis Bailey
Matthew Torres
Kevin Mitchell
funnily enough, every single thing that i found terrible about Beyond's marketing turned out to fully explained and enjoyably portrayed in the movie itself.
Asher Ortiz
>Into Darkness tainted the franchise with a dour convoluted plot and beyond was just terribly marketed
This. Into Darkness left such a bad impression that while I enjoyed Beyond, the trailers for it made it seem like the movie had no plot because I was waiting for the JJ Abrams mystery box inside of the mystery box inside of the mystery box.
And then I watch the movie and its just an optimistically humanitarian action flick with a message about letting petty shit go to make way for peace. It was perfect, but I wasn't ready to give it the benefit of the doubt after "BTW, my name is Benedict KHAN-berbatch" *looks dead into the camera for ten seconds straight to make sure you know this is a reference*.
Jason Torres