Second Coming #1 Storytime

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It was originally going to be "Sun Man" wasn't it.
I wonder if things shifted with that name due to the move from DC.

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Jesus sure looks adorable in that next to last panel.

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I like this

A word from the Author.

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And that's it for this month!
See you next time!

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>Penis and vagina fruit

Thanks op

The only good part about this. It could get better, but I don't care that it only did surface level criticisms of Christianity.

>I haven't been to Earth in 2000 years and they're still a pain in my ass!
>Well, you did create them in your own image.
Jesus got zingers.

He's got a winning smile.

Isn't more a criticism of Christians than Christianity?

Not even specifically Christians. Russel has always been smart to have his lessons be narrated as something anyone can get behind and even though it is visually used with something specific it can be applied to broader groups.

Like the marriage issue of The Flintstones, near the end the priest was against same sex marriage because they couldn't mate and therefore couldn't create new life for the next generation, but then they had this lesson of how community can prove and teach the next generation even if they're not a married parent (in a 'it takes a village' kinda way).

What kind of coward run DC? This was totally inoffensive.

It's inoffensive because we've already seen this exact story hundreds of times from every 12 year old who mistakenly thinks they're profound for saying
>JESUS GOOD
>RELIGION BAD

Thanks user!

It was a overreaction to negative press, but everyone overreacts now days because it's always 10x worse if you underreact from a PR standpoint.

now Im hugry... and horny. Im Horngry

As a Christian (Methodist), I'm enjoying this so far.

>Adam having his hand on his dick the whole time
Truly the beginning of man.

oboy...

what the fuck, YHWH!?

It's inoffensive to people who aren't heavily religious. I'm sure there are angry hyper religious people right now writing letters.

Such as it is this is far less hamfisted (so far) than I was expecting. They humanized the super hero very well, though him being from another planet kinda defeats the point of Jesus teaching humans how to be good.

What are the other examples?

>What are the other examples?
It's literally every single underage retard's take on Christianity. It's like "babbys first theological argument".
ebaumsworld.com/videos/why-religion-is-bad-but-jesus-is-good/82221874/

Well, I can't say I'm offended.
After all, it's not as respectful as Veggie Tales, but it does feel like it's trying to be respectful.

Any other

>As extra punishment, he ordered them to become parents.

Good thing Vertigo canceled it before it canceled itself

>no go and become parents
come on god, haven't we suffered enough?

Amusing, but factually inaccurate.
The cross was an exception for exceptional individuals to add a plaque mocking. The majority of crucifixions were done on a T shape.

Way to miss the whole theological point of the crucifiction and ressursction...
and did Jesus just say "trigger warning"?
Oh. It's gonna be one of those parodies.
Hmm. Battle Pope's Jesus may have worked better being even dumber.

Ahoy seems to be made up of Vertigo vets so I won't be surprised to see more poppon up over at Ahoy

>they started murdering each other when there were, like, ONLY FOUR PEOPLE on the planet. So that was a HUGE red flag
this is great so far.

Jesus is played today by Robert Downey Jr

man, god is such a dick

>2000 years ago
>roughly 2000 years ago
weird timeline

I liked Battle Pope.
Its sort of the opposite of this. It was self-aware idiotic fun. This is just a retard thinking he's being profound.

>a comic about Jesus sharing a two bedroom apartment with a superhero
Another one?!

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Why did they give him a Warrior Cats name after moving from Vertigo? Was it a legal thing?

man...I feel bad for those robots

Boomer god. Zoomer christ.

This is oddly sweet.

Is this being sold in shops?

Fantastic.

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>ywn have a gf like this

Yes. As long as you order it.

Yeah and it's also sold out at Diamond apparently.

I liked most of this even if I don’t agree with it all but this page was the one that made my eyes roll, with the trigger warning and (probably well intentioned) misunderstanding of the crucifix symbol.

I thought it was funny. But in this story I don't think Jesus died for humanities sins, that wasn't brought up. He went to earth to show God that his teachings were a better way to live.

thanks OP. I've only ever read The Wrong Earth from AHOY and liked it. Any other good ones?

that's a complete non-arguement. Just cause someone has critiqued something before doesn't mean it shouldn't be done with a new perspective. Name another story with this exact premise.

You do have a point, this does feel predictable.

By issue 4 or 5 I'd expect a Dark Phoenix Jesus story.

I never understood how one can be a somewhat serious Christian and still laugh about the horrible horrible things their god did in their own book.

I am specifically trying not to be the edgy atheist throwing his fedora. I simply dont understand how they can associate with that.

It's in the name

Man I'm really liking God in this.

>new
There isnt anything new about this, though. Not only is there nothing new, but all the jokes are stale as aged shit. Hell, they even fucked up the "around 2,000 years ago" joke, when they meant "around 5,000 years ago" creationism joke.

"Around 2,000 years ago" is when Jesus is reading the scroll and getting the idea ro incarnate.

Do you want a real answer, or a meme answer?

Russel is fairly popular. I mean his Lone Ranger seemed to have sucked but Prez/Flintstones/Snagglepuss were pretty beloved.

No, i am 100% interested in a genuine answer. Im hiding my fedora.

seems like a ripoff of an idea from the last temptation of christ, where jesus used his carpentry to build crosses for the romans.

Non-meme answer is that there are a few ways to look at it, but it boils down to the fact that the old testament and new testament serve as foils to one another. The old testament is jew shit. God can't go five minutes without shitting all over humanity, or horribly fucking with them for no apparent reason, except "there's probably some sort of lesson in there somewhere".
In contrast, God doesn't even show up in the New (Christian) testament. It's more about Jesus bro-ing out with his buddies and telling everyone to chillax with their hyper fundamentalist jew shit.
Yeah, they're both in "the bible", but it's more of a sense of "that was then, this is now" between the old and new testaments.

God wanting Superman to teach Jesus to be a proper god, where the contrast of Might is Right versus the teaching of Jesus IS a new idea. You are just daft

Wholesome.

I liked Lone Ranger, I find his Wonder Twins is running out of gas quickly though

if you think you understand God, you're wrong. We can try to infer the nature of God from observing what is and isn't possible but those are just educated guesses. We can't even begin to fathom what morality looks like from the perspective of an entity or force capable of making it so that there is something rather than nothing. We don't even know what our universe looks like from the outside. Hell we don't even know what humans truly look like since the range of light we can actually see is so absurdly narrow. We are a long long long way away from figuring out if it was immoral or unethical for the creator of our universe to permit the younger dryas event to fling human civilization back to the stone age
what we do know is that its human nature to laugh at the absurd, and the more we look into it the more absurd everything seems to be

Flintstones was very well received, Snagglepuss sort of flew under the radar for most people, but I'm pretty sure Prez was universally mocked outside of retarded SJW comic shill sites.

Are you sheltered from the Evangelical psychos running around in the US?

here we have the real reason why dc got cold feet

>Cheese and fucking crackers
Kek

99% chance you've never even met one.

Isnt that the truth.

Ey, you dick, we mediterreneans are all manlets, okay? Leave the little Palestinian jew alone.

Hey Dave, i wouldnt have read thos without your storytime. Really had fun with it. Thanks!

It's very offensive to any believing Christian. It's a sympathetic portrayal of Jesus but it portrays God the father as a monstrous asshole who was against the teachings of his own son. Granted it's not hard to get a negative view of God by reading some of the things in the Old Testament, but it still shouldn't confuse anyone that this portrayal offends people.

>I..I'm not like those other Christians who believe their church's teachings! I'm a COOL Christian who isn't even mildly annoyed by blasphemy!
Cringe.

Planet of the Nerds is alright so far

That was alright. I'm not sure who this could possibly be offending that would also be considered a viable demographic of comic book sales.

>Jesus offended by the sight of the crucifix
Lenny Bruce did this joke decades ago, get some new material.

You'd be surprised. The Allreds are Mormon

>someone did this joke decades ago
Is that really the best you've got?

This issue seems a little oddly paced, but I guess there's a lot of history to cover. Looking forward to the rest of it.

It's a very famous old joke. It's hackneyed to recycle it like this.

>forgetting the end-of-life bear

>tfw Eve's only reason for existense is because Adam got bored of jerking off alone so G*d made him a living onahole out of his rib bone.

>it's another rich american jewish yuppie confuses the old and new testament

btw a similar book, but this time showing islam in a negative light, was also cancelled and the media were very happy about it theguardian.com/books/2018/nov/26/a-suicide-bomber-sits-in-the-library-comic-pulled-protests-jack-gantos-dave-mckean

really makes ya think HUH

>"""Asian""" Author Alliance
Pakis.

I personally loved Prez, except for the short tied to that one Catwoman story.

As a Christian, I was expecting an actual challenge. An argument that would make me think, or at least make me uncomfortable. But it’s the basic criticisms that I hear all the time, “God’s an ass, Jesus was a dope, we’re falling for lies, etc.” , I was surprised that the last 2 panels are words that I hear all the time in Christian services and speeches.

What’s the actual point for this comic? Actual Christian critiques? Or an edgy comedy involving abrahamics and capes?

>What’s the actual point for this comic?
It's for brainlet preteens to feel edgy while tackling the safest subject matter imaginable in ways that have already been done before, but better than this.

>Oh, no you don't, mister!

My God can't be this sassy!

It offends people who want to be offended. Like every person whining how this isn't original enough for them.

and Jesus

Calling out shit for being shit isnt being "offended".

Does the hero regenerate shoes?

Both of them knew Jesus would die when he went down there. Why are they surprised?

>Methodist
>Christian

>Why doesn't this satirical comic pose me a deeply challenging theological quandary about the very nature of a Christianity?!

Mayhap, my brother, because it's a satire about America's conservative ideas of Christianity juxtaposed against a Superman-eque style Jesus figure, and not any sort of deep probe and theological critique into the fabric of the religion?

I noticed that too.
This was pretty sloppy.

Your criticism isn't very original.

Or the writer's just not very intelligent.

Because the author didn't do anything original to criticize.

He never expected him to be killed so quickly

Damn, this is great. Shame DC backed down. Jesus is cool

A lazy excuse from a man obsessed with originality,

If you're just rehashing the same shit that's been done a hundred times before, but worse, then what's the point?

>It's about an illiterate would-be suicide bomber who enters a library and discovers books for the first time
>We wrote this story to demonstrate how reading books can broaden perspectives change lives for the better
>We were then called racist and the book was pulled from circulation

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Since when Vertigo cares about those things? Do i have to list the kind of things they published in the past? They really went to shit.

They rejected it out of censorship, if they feared re-doing something that was already done they wouldn't be publishing anything at all.

Anything to feel superior, huh?

Consider if you're looking for a challenge to your beliefs, that deep down you already know they're bullshit. Nothing will happen to you if you stop believing. And let's be honest, you already have.

Maybe it's just a simple comedy book and not trying to be some deep theological critique.

Oh please, you fucking faggot.
Christianity is THE ONLY religion you're allowed to mock.
Every single party involved agreed it would be better to be published by Ahoy. Nothing was censored.

This wasn't meant to mock Jesus.

This was meant to mock Superman, and particularly depictions of Superman as a Christ-like figure.

>Cheese and fucking crackers!

I'm sold on this. Gonna order #1 and keep this on my list.

This sounds nice, it's a pity I can't get it now...
Was it wholesome?

It sounded a lot more interesting and wholesome than this shit.

Why do I already have feels?

This sounds stupid and propagandish
>Reading books would make you a good person.

I don't think people can handle simple anymore. Even cartoons like Gumball end with deep overarching plot these days that we can't just enjoy simple lols.

fuck me this is great

WTF I want to be a christian now

Thanks, Dave! I enjoyed it. It was a simple and enjoyable laugh.

No, it means that Muslims tend to be inbred, illiterate retards, but by expanding their horizons through literature, they might second-guess their shitty terrorist ideology.

Looks like /pol/ just rolled into the comic

I'm a bit underwhelmed by this comics.
Russell feels like one of those writers who works better with restrictions.

Gerald is a dick

How is it worse?

Stop pretending you give a shit about originality. Your posts give it away.

The forced cursing is definitely cringey.

>G*d
Are you a kike or what?

>Intellectual Property Theft is a Problem
Is he talking to us Yea Forums?

>Stop pretending you give a shit about originality.
I'm not even sure what you're trying to say here. Is this a completely unironic "DON'T THINK JUST CONSUME PRODUCT AND MOVE ON TO NEXT PRODUCT" post?

Yeah, you value originality so much you have a cliched argument

>As a Christian, I was expecting an actual challenge
You can't really challenge for people who are afflicted with faith. It's like trying to teach mandarin to a platypus.

Because this is the most stereotypical shit ever.
Exactly how am I supposed to give a unique response to beating a dead horse that's nothing more than a bloody puddle at this point?

Nobody knows, the only reviews for it are from angry leftists who haven't read it because, ya know, reading is haram

I dont care about the trigger warning, I'm upset because it seems the Author doesnt know anything about the Crucifixion of Jesus. Like it's very important and God and Jesus knew it would happen.

Look again. That's clearly his socked foot, with the stirrup thingie. It's just in shadow. The shadow making it the same red as his actual boot, though, is probably not the best choice.

Doesn't really look like it, given:

God clearly isn't depicted as being completely omniscient here.

Pretty sure that's the joke. It's a subversion.

Yes he did. They both knew, Jesus came to earth specifically to die

So God being lowly never seems like something that’s brought up much in fact some interpretations I’ve read have said he wasn’t lonely because of the trinity shit

It's a pretty fundamental part of the original story, phamalam.

>Christianity is THE ONLY religion you're allowed to mock.
How is he mocking the religion? The book is highlighting principles that crash with the behavior of the "believers". Maybe he is not mocking the religion but the hypocrisy of the people.

>JESUS GOOD
>RELIGION BAD
Yes, we went over what a deep and insightful commentary that is already.

Day 1 buying this trade

Me too, fellow anonymous 4channel poster!

Did you never read read a story that uses a mythology? You think authors just take the texts and don't do any change to suit the story they want to tell?

>Nothing was censored
>but it was censored

See, why would i listen to the word of a complete retard like you? You are a complete idiot, just like the coward who censored this comic.

absolutely loved this

Don't see how you got that. He didn't tell his followers to fuck off. More that its just odd they think the cross is so important.

>IT WAS CENSORED
Then what exactly have we been reading?
Some deep dark [REDACTED] files from the dark web?

I understand what you're day but were talking a defining point in the teachings of Jesus.

It's kinda cute

>b-blasphemy!
Pathetic

Or, you know, what the Church decided was the teaching of Jesus after the fact through centuries of theological evolution.

Based God

Dropped the ball on that one. Previous pages were both funny and nice.

T or X shape

It was fun, but Jesus freaking out at the crucifix did not work.

Thank you, Dave.

UHM, TRIGGER WARNING??

I'm just going by how the text are laid out. Are you implying the Bible isnt trying to say this is an important moment?

>Adam and Eve
>whiteys

BASED AND HONKYPILLED

It was before they got a tan outside of paradise.

I'm saying that the writings in the Bible and the interpretation and subsequent dogma around the event of the crucifixion has been modified and ironed out through multiple different hands for the past two thousand years and Jesus himself might not be entire on board with the tool of his murder being the icon of your devotion to his message. Especially when he was teaching about love and acceptance and caring for the poor and worse off, it's kinda fucked up. I mean, what if it had been the guillotine instead. That's why it's not unreasonable to say the depiction of his attitude is valid for the comic. Expecting everything to just regurgitate and adhere to the Churches teachings is beyond retarded in a comic like this.

people treat the bible better than man
people treat the cross better than jesus

Its more understandable for jesus to be pissed about people worshiping his murder device instead of being nice and helping.

The comic seems to be missing the point that the reason that the cross is revered is because the single most important thing Jesus did for us all was die for our sins. It represents Jesus' sacrifice made for us so that humanity would have eternal life.

The cross is VERY important because Jesus' death was important, I don't think this comic grasps that. They skip over his descent into Hell as well, Jesus died for a number of reasons including bringing salvation to all those who had died before his being on Earth.

>Jesus did for us all was die for our sins
did he or was he just murdered and we said he died for us.

If we assume that part is made up then there's no reason to assume all of it isn't made up, and there isn't a point to any of this.

Woah, it's like the whole thing is one big kayfabe to try to help and control people.

>Adam playing with his penis
accurate

the same can be said about anything tho. I could say that Jesus was murdered but everything else isn't canon or that everything about jesus is false and everything else is canon like the Muslims.

belief is a powerful thing and its up to you to interpret the message but what if the only real part of Jesus message is about being nice and actually working to make the world a better place. What if the cross was meaningless and the real sin Jesus took was the blindness to evil humanity allowed. Hell he said "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.". That is what the comic is trying to explain by showing Jesus talking about the cross

>muh Buddy Christ
I really hate the meme that just because Jesus was kind meant that he was also a pussy. Christ doesn't need a strong hand, he already has one. When He entered the temple and found it crawling with merchants, he did not nicely ask them to leave. He did not cry, or walk away. He drove them out with a whip.

Jesus was kind, he was forgiving, but he wasn't a fucking pansy who would just let criminals run wild without at least a stern talking to (the whore he saved from stoning was told to knock that shit off afterwards). And Revelations suggest he is going to be personally responsible for a lot of purges during His return.

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If you're going to ask a question, ask it properly.

It's just a silly comic adaptation. Don't take it seriously

ask what properly?
i cut out what i wanted to talk about and nothing more

FUCK YOU WHY CAN'T I HAVE MY BLOOD-LETTING RIGHTEOUS BAD-ASS JESUS REEEEE

Jesus is almost always portrayed as being kind to a fault in popular media but rarely is it ever touched upon that the guy is also destined to rule all mankind and has his limits. He will love the righteous and forgive the repetent but he will also absolutely smite the truly corrupt. American Dad's rapture episode is hilariously inaccurate in several parts about how the seven-year war is predicted to happen but I have to admit it was oddly satisfying to see Christ portrayed as a badass for once.

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And I want a story where based Hades is the hero but that isn't happening

>universe of breakfast cereal monsters
I'm down.

Fair point.

Try the Manga Jesus by Yoshikazu Yasuhiko. He was portrayed a kind but firm man there, and for some reason he glares a lot.

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I was going to recommend another manga Jesus funnily enough

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>You can't really challenge for people who are afflicted with faith

Swing and a miss, Captain ESL.

Just be intellectually consistent. If you're cool with blasphemy, fine. Just don't call yourself Christian.

Before I read, I want to ask? Is it worth it? Is it good?

>As a Christian, I was expecting an actual challenge. An argument that would make me think, or at least make me uncomfortable. But it’s the basic criticisms that I hear all the time, “God’s an ass, Jesus was a dope, we’re falling for lies, etc.” , I was surprised that the last 2 panels are words that I hear all the time in Christian services and speeches.
>
>What’s the actual point for this comic? Actual Christian critiques? Or an edgy comedy involving abrahamics and capes?
It is attempting to juxtapose different types of strength. That's why its not trying to make fun of Christian beliefs only lightly play with the memes that people believe about them. Superman is one kind of strength, strength of power, character. Jesus is another type of strength, of kindness, love and brotherhood. Least that's how I read it.
God doesn't even seem to be that big a dick to me, just stubborn more than anything.

yeah it's funny

I really hope this wins an Eisner so DC are even more embarrassed that they caved to a bunch of triggered snowflake Christfags and their pathetic internet petition.

>Roman persecute Christians
>wind up persecuting people for NOT being Christians
>Vikings sack Christian monasteries
>wind up sacking huge chunks of Europe for Christiandom

How does Jesus do it, lads? This is some legitimately eerie stuff.

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>couch philosophy-tier introspective of Christianity
>Eisner
I'm unimpressed by it so far, God is kind of funny but I sure hope it doesn't assume it's being profound in anyway.

Having the real God on your side goes a long way

>couch philosophy-tier introspective of Christianity
Or maybe, in Russell's typical style, it's just a fun book that pokes light fun at certain situations.

It's creepy. They weren't forced to convert, they had all the power, all the pressure. Christianity was pretty much a foundling offshoot Jewish cult at those times. What was wrong with the gods they had?

So you're triggered by the lack of triggering happening?

Also, if you think this is blasphemy, just wait till you see pic related.

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I unironically believe divine intervention plays a role: many conversions can be attributed to people recounting Christ's miracles, most notably his return from the dead. But if you want a more practical answer, Christianity had a lot of good things going for it philosophy wise. The idea that there is a life beyond our time on Earth rather than a dreary, hopeless underworld was probably really appealing. Christianity, much like Judaism before it, abhored adultery / sleeping around with people you weren't married to which in addition to converting women by virtune of discouraging rape/harems, probably increased survival rates of converts because they would have less chance of contracting disease by fucking so many women/boys. Acts suggests many Roman cities converted because God demanded not any ritual sacrifices like the Roman gods did, or idols or statues, but just their belief in Him. Christianity at least in those early days did not make much habit of spreading by conquering/battle but by word of mouth, a peaceful approach probably helped a good bit.

It's a very in-depth question I can't imagine all the answers to but I could see why people would ditch their Roman gods for Christianity by virtue of what it preaches alone.

Always a nice reminder that even a perfect being can somehow make mistakes, learn from them and get better. Easier to say "that was then, this is now" than call the whole thing bullshit.

>We cant understand God, ergo it totally exists

Thats what your book with no pictures told you.

>was expecting an actual challenge
That's not the point you faggot fucktard. Kill yourself you /pol/tard subhuman trash. You come in expecting the comic to be some attack on you when it was never meant to be, you absolute little bitch incel

There might have been a moral shift when civilisations got bigger and the old barbarian ways became untenable. A somewhat gentler faith to keep the population relatively docile with enough wiggle room for war and the like.

"Dad, why can't I just take what I want from wherever I want? Jupiter does it all the time and he'd do it against these foreigners you're trying to establish consistent trade with."

"Um, ah, h-hey, son. Have you ever heard of this dude named Jesus?"

"Could he beat Jupiter?"

"Ah, he's...all mighty?"

"Cool!"

Where's #2? Yae bastard! Ya' can't start us off with one and then not keep going!

Thank you though, I'll definitely keep an eye out for this comic.

That's not even in the bible, that's something pastors made up. God I can't stand you fucking American protestants. Jesus was just a crazy man whose flavor of bullshit caught on with the Greeks and then Constantine. That's it.

God, in his infinite wisdom, invented hypocrisy.

>so that humanity would have eternal life
Wait, so what happened to all those people who died before Christ did his thing?

That's what the Harrowing of Hell was for: after Christ was crucified he went to Hell and brought salvation to the souls of everyone who'd died before His crucifixtion.

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>a Superman-eque style Jesus figure
Fun fact: this was exactly what the jews were expecting their mesiah would be. I'll be pleased if they explore this further in the comic.

So all these souls were suffering in hell? were all of them bad people?

>counterfeiting a children's card game
Lower than the dirt.
Nah, Jesus is cool with piracy. Sharing is caring and all that.

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No, the point was to emulate how Jesus LIVED, not how he died. That's why all of christianity missed the fucking point. Original sin is just as bullshit as male privilege. It's just stupid dude. Its nothing jesus cared about because the fucking books of genesis is just a ripoff of Babylonian myth. It's fucking meaningless and should be straight up removed from the bible because its irrelevant. The stupid fruit and the stupid trees didn't do shit to humanity

And we know this how? I have never heard of this campaign before.

Yes, but they weren't 'suffering'. Hell, or 'Sheol', is more of a waiting room for the dead more than anything, it isn't torture.

here's how it goes: 'Heaven' and 'Hell' as they are popularized in media don't actually exist yet. Right now there is only one after-life, Purgatory, and everyone goes there when they die, good or evil. Everyone went to Sheol before Christ's death, and after Christ's death everyone still goes to Sheol. What changed is that Christ's descent into Hell allowed him to spread the same message he did on Earth to those who hadn't had a chance yet due to dying before his time, and give them the same deal as he's offered everyone on Earth right now.

That deal being, that upon Christ's return, his Second Coming, everyone who had ever died will ressurect much like he did and walk the Earth again. Jesus will perform another Harrowing much like the first to account for those who died but hadn't heard Christianity's message in the 2000 years between his crucifixtion and his return.

'Heaven' will be the Kingdom of God, New Jerusalem, basically Jesus establishing himself as King in Israel having united all of humanity who follows him, the resurrected and the ascended. 'Heaven' is basically Earth in the future after Jesus is established as King.

'Hell' will be Sheol with the dregs, the corrupt, the unrighteous and the evil who refused to follow God's teachings and sinned without regret despite having had every single opportunity to repent. At this point Sheol will represent the popularized vision of Hell as a lake of eternal fire where the evil souls of mankind who denied the chance at immortality on Earth will dwell.

Most of it is from reading in between the lines, but the basis for it is in Peter 3:19-20, mentioning that Christ died, and "went to preach to the spirits who disobeted long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the Ark was being built".
Ephesians says that he took "many captives" when he returned to Heaven.

It's what happened in the three days between the death and resurrection.
Read Judas by Jeff Loveness, it was storytimed here on Easter, good shit.

>Jesus busted the gates of hell so hard that it crushed a random demon
Lmao

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this was really damn funny and DC shouldn't have caved on it.

Shouldn't it be a little over 2000? Like 2025 or something?

it's critiquing modern American Christianity, not Christianity as a whole.

Shimon's mom has a nice rack

it's a coloring error, not a shadow thing

25% of Americans are Evangelicals.

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Pic related.
Non meme answer there are a number of passages that make note of Jesus' end-game plan to have immortal humanity walk the Earth with Him in His kingdom and the role of Sheol, mostly John, Psalm, and Revelations going by memory / a cursory glance. I can work on grabbing quotes / specific phrases that detail these parts out but it'll take some time

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>Most of it is from reading in between the lines
This is why I cant buy into Christianity. Its always cool to interpret the bible except for the passages that explicity justify one retarted way of thinking or another, then its clearly the undisputable word of God. At least Scientology follow their so called sacred texts to the letter; true you cant read them or talk about them unless you are way deep into their cult but you also dont get a new branch everytime somebody "read in between the lines" slightly different.

>The comic seems to be missing the point that the reason that the cross is revered is because the single most important thing Jesus did for us all was die for our sins. It represents Jesus' sacrifice made for us so that humanity would have eternal life.
>The cross is VERY important because Jesus' death was important, I don't think this comic grasps that. They skip over his descent into Hell as well, Jesus died for a number of reasons including bringing salvation to all those who had died before his being on Earth.

made up by Christians like the devil being an anti god figure. the devil was not a fallen angel but a agent of god sent to tempt man. the judism which Christianity is founded on did not have a hell it had a place similar to limbo in which all souls went awaiting salvation. when god in the comic freaks that guy out by telling him he's going to hell and then says their is no hell. it reveals the comics follows the original teachings of christianity and not the shit made up to drum up followers through fear.

fuck christians

i honestly think its more a superman critique than anything

Doug TenNapel lost his shit over this comic before it came out

That dude's fucking crazy now. I don't get what it is about people who just invest everything into their religion.

>a waiting room
>not torture
Jesus doesn't like lying.

There were copies on my store's shelves. I pre-ordered mine, though.

Yeah, I'm not lonely because of the Trinity of me, my left hand and my dick.

Which is weird because the author comes across as someone who isn't just making this a goofy parody, but actually wants to get into some theology and ideology. Maybe I'm just not getting the tone or direction. I can't think of any sect of Christianity that treats the crucifixion and resurrection so lightly.Only the humanist Arianism movement, that said Christ was fully human comes to mind, but this comic clearly shows Christ's divinity off the bat. I guess you sometimes see Unitarians or agnostics focusing on the human teachings of Christ. Yet this already has God as a character and Christ in heaven. So to just ignore the resurrection? Odd.

I know. Stupid pro-reading propaganda.
Damn readers. They're just ruining the world.

>Jesus is cool with piracy. Sharing is caring and all that.
Jesus said it. The proletariat is kept down by the bourgeoisie pigs. Workers of the world need to unite. We have nothing to lose but our chains. Jesus also said that religion is the opiate of the masses. These are things you learn getting a four year BA in sociology of work.
Oh boy. The "Harrowing of Hell" and theology of The Resurrection is a very different thing from different sects of Christianity. Though most of them don't deal with modern ideas of hell as suffering. That very concept was pretty much invented in Vatican literature of the dark ages and later by puritanical preachers in America. And even that it only deals with the Christian hell, not the afterlife before Christ's Resurrection and Ascension. And let's not even get into that Rapture stuff invented by New England preachers.

Were they suffering for years and centuries until Christ came to open the gates of hell / the underworld? Well. That would assume time works the same there as it does on Earth. In the words of Cain in Sandman, "Oh no. This wasn't on Earth." We really can't understand how time works in other dimensions of existence.

Which is what makes parodies like this fun. They show heaven as some kind of giant waiting room or DMV. Reminds me a bit of that Albert Brooks comedy Defending Your Life. Even Dragonball Z, which mixes in vague Buddhist and Hindu theology, has the afterlife full of office bureaucracy.

Hindsight is 20/20.

HA! HA! OH YEAH, GOOD ONE, GOD. haa...

it ignores that most of the more profound suicide bombers were well read upper-middle class people who's religious convictions (and frustrations at being unable to jerk off or have kinky sex) overwhelm their sensibilities.

literally trial by fire from what I've heard.

they jumped through the fire of christ and couldn't jump through the fire of odin.

>it's now become preachy bs
Aaaand dropped. The author must have felt "take that, Christians"- tiers of smart by telling people what crucifix truly is, as if it wasn't common knowledge, all while not even knowing what it means symbolically.

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THIS is what all the fuss was about? who on earth was supposed to be actually offended by this?

Who cares, dude? The statement is factual.

Kek

>REEEEEE how dare you do a different take and step away from the conservative dogma behind the significance of the crucifix!

who cares if it's factual? The author is being preachy on a fedora level.

>conservative
It's a religion, retard, not politics. But you just can't hold yourself from starting some tribal us vs them bullshit, can you?

He's correct in his assertion that the crucifix was used very often. What's your beef, that JESUS isn't all like "yeah but them Romans were good guys too haha" every time he criticizes his captors?

Holy shit, I hate people like you.

>What's your beef, that JESUS isn't all like "yeah but them Romans were good guys too haha" every time he criticizes his captors?

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Oh, so that's why. Fuck right off then.

Maybe look up the definition of the word before getting so triggered, chum.

>Conservative
>/kənˈsəːvətJv/
>Adjective
>Averse to change or innovation and holding traditional values.

How is centuries old Christian dogma not conservative by it's very nature?

you know for god... I think he could come up with a better way to enter a room and not a floating head

I love jesus omg

Sunstar sounds better than Sun Man. More biblical even. Also a good Mega Man boss.

>In the bottom second panel there's a reference to to the famous line "It's a bird! It's a plane It's.."
I absolutely love this!

I am glad he strayed away from that. No one complains when Monty Python makes every cross the same, why the fuck should Russell? barely any fictional historical account of the time has represented this...oddly the main example is Sivestri with X-Men crucifying Wolverine.

HAHAHAHAHA Holy shit, Evengelicals just can't COPE! His teachings were more important than his death, but you fucks just want to ignore that.

This is the best depiction of god since Life of Bwian.

this, Veggie Tales made just as fun light of old tales as this comic does, besides a few adult things. What is wrong with Veggie Tales retelling stories that make Jesus look better and that Russell doing the same bad?

If this comic actually made a point of using the actual teachings of Jesus then you might have a point. They don't.

are Christians the greatest retconners of all history? there are other contenders like some Chinese Empires and the Roman Empire. But holy shit this thread is a lot of rewrites

>If this comic actually made a point of using the actual teachings of Jesus then you might have a point.

Um, the comic Jesus literally has him healing criminals simply because he saw people who were injured, after a guy in a cape decided physically beating the shit out of copyright infringing criminals was good use of force.

>That was how I died
>now how I lived
you have a problem following narrative. Stop taking this though /pol/ and just enjoy

>whole thread and no one has read the fucking text
my god Yea Forums is illiterate
He is using Jesus as a way to say how the world could be better, saying his teaching, at least some, should be followed
>If not Christ, then we need someone like him in our thought experiments to be the voice of other possibilities. Other ways of fixing human civilization.

Just fucking read the entire book

>The comic Jesus is portrayed as a ignorant, sheltered man-baby who heals 'because they hurt' without caring about the slightest bit of context
Right so, nothing like the actual Jesus who called his enemies foxes, vipers, and thieves (Mathew 12:34) or drove out merchants using the temple as a market place with a whip / flipping over tables (John 2:15).
Just more neo-liberal interpretations of Jesus as a spineless hippie who cares more about being nice and inoffensive than actually leading humanity to salvation.
>At least some
You don't get to pick and choose parts of the Bible you like. Christ's teachings include acknowledging him/God as your Lord and savior and to put no others before him, and prepare to receive him as your king in the future. If you aren't prepared for that, find someone else to emulate, because bare minimum Christ teaches to accept him as your Savior.

>John
get fucked, he is well known to be the one to make up lies. The other Disciples are much better sources

>he is well known to be the one to make up lies
Source?
>The other Disciples are much better sources
Jesus' driving out the merchants by force is also testified by Matthew

>You don't get to pick and choose parts of the Bible you like.

Why the hell not, that's what the Church did when they continuously rewrote and threw things out over the course of the church's existence. And the Bible is also filled with contradictions, just look at the Gospels that were written by different people numerous years apart from one another, with each author having their own clear agenda when changing things.

>Source?
by the fucking letters that all the disciples sent to each other. All of them were retconning stuff to try to make it make sense. John was the one they most didn't like cause he was dogmatic.

Pretty much, they got this Old Testament portrayal down to an absolute tee: a fucking petty bastard.

God did literally nothing wrong in the Old Testament. Every person who got smited had it coming.

>Christianity had a lot of good things going for it philosophy wise. The idea that there is a life beyond our time on Earth rather than a dreary, hopeless underworld was probably really appealing.
I've also read that part of the draw among the northern pagans, why the religion was able to get initial traction peacefully before being fully enforced with violence later was because the religions it competed with made more claims about what offerings and rituals to their gods could bring in the earthly domain, and that wasn't actually in evidence, because at the time, things were bad and no ritual changed that. But Chrisitanity promised the Kingdom of God to all who had faith in Jesus, that even though things may be bleak now because original sin cursed us, you could be saved in the next life. It's all the more alluring because it's more difficult to disprove.

t. G*d

There's nothing crazy about dabbing on trannies.

Thanks dude

>the romans handed out crucifixions like tote bags
I mean, he's right.

Didn't Doug TenNapel write a comic about Jesus being an alien?

Yeah, that Job was a real cunt

I'm sure those newborn babes in Sodom took great comfort in knowing they deserved to die because their parents might have partied a little too hard

He's actually correct in that the real redemption of humanity isn't that he died on the cross, but rather that he rose again on Pascha

You sound stupid Doo Doo dumb

heh

Always with the "do not be afraid" shtick, lmao

Explain

Looks like this might be fun (and wholesome!).
Thanks for the storytime!

Whaddayaknow. Sunstar is a decent guy and not just another "What If Superman Was A Jerk" rip.

>JOshua son of JOseph
>Jesus is a canonical Jojo.

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I see the real problem here. It's the same they had with Life of Brian.
While it doesn't shit on Jesus, but it does portray his followers as dumb idiots.

Wow, I was COMPLETELY blown away by this comic. Thank you so much OP for posting this. It was HILARIOUS how they called out God for being a jerk, because he totally is (if he were actually real). I'm going to buy multiple issues and give them to my family. I can't wait to see the look on my stupid christian parent's faces when they read this. The christcucks tried to censor us, and failed. DC tried to censor us, and failed. We did it, bros. We finally did it.

It's true though. Jesus wasn't even the only guy crucified '*that day*. There's two others up there with him, remember?
Focusing on his death rather than his life is just weird. He didn't come to earth just to die, he came to teach; and he spent way more time doing that than hanging from a board.

>He didn't come to earth just to die
According to Christians, yeah, he literally came to earth to die (for our sins).

I'm laughing but I'm also enjoying the moral quandary this presents

This. Jesus taught plenty of good things while He lived and breathed, including telling the rules-lawyering Jews of the time to lighten up, but everything Jesus taught us was so that we could experience eternity with him 'later'. The reason you want to not be greedy / share with others is because all Earthly goods are insignifcant compared to what you'll experience in God's Kingdom, and you should put the latter before the former, and none of this works unless he died for us first.

Yikes

There's different kinds of christians. The most vocal (and possibly the most populous) is the ones that focus exclusively on the passion as a justification for their shitty behavior. The scool of thought that says "You don't need to live a good life since you're forgiven, etc".

The funny thing is it's actually critiquing the concept of superheroes punching bad guys but you're entering into this expecting to be the victim, so it feels like you haven't even read this considering Jesus is portrayed as 11/10 on the actual goodness scale.

No christian does that.

This.

That's the REAL reason DC dropped it, unless it totally goes off the rails later.

Which scool of thought is that one?

agreed

...okay?

kek

Sunstar doesn't really act anything like Superman though. Superman wouldn't waste his time throwing his shoe at a look-out or busting 'counterfeit card-game rinks'. Superman does always try to talk out his problems first before resorting to violence, and shows mercy when his enemies yield.

Is it just me or does God both look and act like Ego from Vol. 2?

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>>>>>>>>>>>>>TO BE CONTINUED

Evangelicals say hi.
Fuck the prosperity gospel.

>Evangelicals say hi.
Hello, Evangelicals.
I have no idea what that has to do with your original post.

That's the most based version of god I have read in comics so far. They always do him as a omnipotent asshole or as the encarnation of love. Here, it looks like the guy just sucked at his job but really tried to help humanity at first. Hell doesn't even exist here.

I'm guessing (not that user) that that's the school of thought he was thinking of.

Muhammad was the last fucking straw.

Then they were wrong about that too. There's certainly a number of problems with Evangelicals, but none of them literally believe that it's okay to sin.

They seem to back a lot of sinners as god's chosen.

>I'm sure those newborn babes in Sodom took great comfort in knowing they deserved to die because their parents might have partied a little too hard
It was SODOM. Odds are those newborn babes were raped by their parents (or neighbors) at a few days old. God ending their lives along with their entire horrible town was practically a mercy killing.

That's an incredibly far cry from "You don't need to live a good life since you're forgiven, etc".

Is it though?

this really dull. not goofy enough to be really funny, not smart enough to be intellectually engaging. not even pulling off superman meets jesus.

>Is it though?
Yes.

But most of the characters in Life of Brian weren't shown to be followers of Jesus, they were just a stupid impressionable mob.

God, I love Yas' colors so damn much. His art's really expressive too. I'm a big fan of his work.

Why?

I think that's the joke.

There are literally a bunch of christians who believe no matter what you do if you beg god for forgivingness you'll get it. Frankly that seems hypocritical. I remember this when I went to christian school. It was one of the things that made me agnostic. Whatever god exists, nothing that humans deify will be it.

If Jesus actually returned and started performing miracles again, how many people would follow him and how many would still insist he isn't the Messiah?

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>bunch of christians who believe no matter what you do if you beg god for forgivingness you'll get it.
This is true, though. It doesn't make sinning okay, but that is why you are apologizing: you recognize what you did was wrong, regret it, and want to repent for it. God WILL forgive anyone who's sinned so long as they are genunely sorry they sinned and mean to change, because in the grand scheme of things it's all about trajectory: you have all of eternity to improve so as long as you start you'll be good.

same as we have today. Muslim won't follow him tho since they think Muhammad is the messiah and will think he is the antichrist

Depends of how quickly is he killed.

>you have all of eternity to improve
Then life is meaningless.

>So to just ignore the resurrection? Odd.
The comic explicitly says it didn't happen, god didn't let him come back

Depends. Is he coming back looking like your pic or how he would've had to given the region and time period?

Post-resurrection, which Scripture implied he looked pretty different than he did before he died. Which IIRC included blonde hair

Muslims consider Jesus a penultimate prophet though.

yes he is a prophet not a Massiah. imagine him coming back and telling them Muhammad is in hell for fucking kids and killing people95

for you. don't understand what happened.

yeah, and Thor was a redhead an anybody strong enough could lift Mjolnir, fuck Marvel for their historical inaccuracy

citation needed.

Well he as fuck wasn't paying attention.

Honestly, the dude deserved that for the mean pranks section on his heaven resume.

I dont understand what your reslonse has to do with that post.
There is no sect of Christianity running around saying that sinning is okay.
The whole concept of repentance/confession is entirely centered around the idea that sinning is NOT okay.

>Why?
Because just like actual, normal human beings, "backing someone" these days more often than not comes down to supporting what they consider to be the lesser of two evils.

>There is no sect of Christianity running around saying that sinning is okay.
The rampant corruption is a silent approval.

>The rampant corruption is a silent approval.
The whole child rape scandal is only a scandal BECAUSE Christians don't approve of it. Muslims don't give a shit that their imams keep a harem of loli rape slaves.

>There is no sect of Christianity running around saying that sinning is okay.
Yes there is, there's one in Russia that Rasputin once belonged to
They argue that because Christ died for your sins everything you do is forgiven and not sinning is an insult to the sacrifice of Christ

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>The whole child rape scandal is only a scandal BECAUSE Christians don't approve of it.
They do when it's the "lesser of two evils" compared to a liberal.

literally what

>All the blasphemy in this thread
Someone be a lad and get me bayonet, there's work to be done and the Lord can't do it alone.

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>>It's inoffensive to people who aren't heavily religious.
this is basically inoffensive even for religious people.
only nut-jobs would have an issue with th... wait. USA.

citation
asking for a friend

>Jesus was just a crazy man whose flavor of bullshit caught on with the Greeks and then Constantine.
Right, the greeks and the romans, the greatest civilizations of the Western world, all while European pagans were still picking at their crusty assholes.

Evangelical Christians will literally vote for child molesters rather than risk their state going blue.

Kind of like how liberals will invite child rapists into their country rather than risk it going red.

youtube.com/watch?v=HgBcI_PuHHY

Ya Boi Zach hates it.

Again, lesser of two evils, if the choices are between a child molester or a liberal working to legalize child molestation.

Who?

>That's not even in the bible
It is in the Bible. Matthew 26
>27 Then he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you.
>28 This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.
>29 I tell you, I will not drink from this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.”
As well as John 10
>18 No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father.
>28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.
Jesus knew he would be sacrificed and knew it would be to repent mankind's sins, it was part of his keikaku.

>I can't think of any sect of Christianity that treats the crucifixion and resurrection so lightly.
the crucifixion as in "the method of death" is fundamentally irrelevant for any sect with something like reasonable people inside.

The whole point was him dying for mankind and not letting nor sufferance nor death keep him from forgiving people and saving souls.

in the comics, Sunstar is used as a mouthplace for people never bothering with actual theology and philosophy of religion, so he just relays the "common knowledge and understanding" which is the knowledge and understanding of people who are unlikely to have ever bothered to actually think about their own religion

The method of death itself 'is' unimportant, I agree, but Jesus's death and ressurection itself is a big component of Christianity and I can't think of a better symbol that represents it than the tool of his demise.

The cross killed Jesus okay so spears and nails and bleeding out killed Jesus but you know what I mean and Jesus' death resulted in his being reborn and the promise that all mankind would live on in God's Kingdom. While the method of execution IS technically irrelevant I think anons in this thread are underplaying the significance of Christ's sacrifice and the cross is a pretty fitting symbol for it.

With missions like these it's no wonder he didn't save that plane full of people on time.

>>a comic about Jesus sharing a two bedroom apartment with a superhero
>Another one?!
A third one?

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I don't know what branch oc christianity you're following but that's not really correct, at least not to catholicism.

>Right now there is only one after-life, Purgatory
where didi you find this? because purgatory isn't mentioned in the Bible and, according to the catholic church it probably just doesn't exist, actually I think benedict XVI sayed it straight up doesn't exist and all the unbaptized kids just go to Heaven because God is just thta kind, wich reminds me...

>Yes, but they weren't 'suffering'. Hell, or 'Sheol', is more of a waiting room for the dead more than anything, it isn't torture.

we don't know what really happened to those who died before christ, the Bible does say he saved "the righteous ones" but we don't know if this means everybody or just some some of them.

>Heaven' and 'Hell' as they are popularized in media don't actually exist yet. Right now there is only one after-life
your very first sentence it's correct, considering the "lake of fire" that's mentioned here is the only description of hell we can actually find in the Bible, and Heaven is just described as being with God, even thoug "Sky's kingdom" can suggest a cloudy environment I guess.
But regarding the second part, I guess you're taking this from the Revelation, but common interpretation (again, from where I'm from) is that only the people that died during the Apocalypse go in that waiting room to be judged when the time ends, everyone before just goes to Hell or Heaven according to how they lived their life.

I hope it doesn't come off as preachy, just putting this out here for who's interested and to have some discussion.

the women that went to cure his corpse didn't recognize him and misjudged him for the gardener, but all the apostoles are able to recognize him, and there's no mention of blonde hair anywhere in the Bible.

I guess not many people would follow him, I'm actually pretty sure there are hundreds of people all around the world saying they can make miracles and some may even say they're Jesus, but they don't have that much following.

it’s called respect, heathen

How is it respectful to misspell someone's name?

God's so autistic that even mentioning his name is supposed to be too honorable for lowly humans.

The Commandment only states not to take the name of God 'in vain', like for a swear or cursing. You're allowed to mention God by name in casually conversation, just not to abuse it.

That's just goddamn silly

When Jesus said he would return, you would know it was him

This was really good but also too short. They should animate more of it. It was really wholesome

Depends, is he white or middle eastern?
Don't answer that, we all the the answer, and I think we all know where this is going.