Goddammit... it's done Yea Forums-- I ended up writing it myself after all and took longer to write than it did to draw (the script is still a bit underwhelming to me) but i'm just glad its done...
youtube.com
(remastered this one)
youtube.com
(And finished this one)
WHOS GOD!?
>tumblr pandering
>generic artstyle vaguely above AT level
>zero shading
>zero lineweight
Tell me again why I should even bother watching the videos, let alone care about this.
:S
well... republican vet never been to tumblr in my life except by accident while surfing Google image pages
dont know what AT is (GED)
but I dont know man you seem pretty upset about something ( -_-) I seriously cant put my finger on it
Lol what did you animate this in?
For the good of your self esteem I would recommend you leave here before everything you've ever made is torn to sherds in front of you because that is what is about to happen in this thread.
I was half sleep when I read this but that woke me up
let me have it user
opentoonz
>all this bait
3/10, you're pouring it on waaaaaay too thick.
Reminds me of chronexia and the 8 seals...
pouring what?
god damn i hate people like this
attributing motives instead of talking
why are you mad dog?
Disregard this, I suck cocks.
>hahaha it's funny because it's an innocent girl talking about sex and lewd things!
>And the character designs are generic and uninteresting!
>And the jokes aren't funny!
>And the artist couldn't even be asked to get a girl to say three lines and instead did it himself!
>And the sound quality is FUCKED!
The "lewdness" feels like a sad attempt to distract the viewer how ass just about everything is.
Just stick to porn kiddo.
>chronexia and the 8 seals
The colour scheme
well i modeled the lead after ssjgod goku and ponyo (and i dont like either of those animes interestingly enough)
You actually finished Episode 2? Did you learn anything from your previous thread?
>Yea Forums isn't invested with sh-
With what?
thats what im talking about...
what were you expecting fking death of stalin? its 100% toilet humor welcome to the internet gaybo
fair enough
fair enough
its a one man show it always will be
fair enough
go away
nah I didnt learn shit
1st one changed my life tho
I'll humor you with a single (You), in the extremely unlikely event that you aren't just shitposting for (You)s.
>namefagging
Don't. Everyone can use your name, so it's pointless having one. This is one of the few anonymous "forums" that exist. Being anonymous means you have a chance for honest feedback, instead of useless drivel from faggots that care more about being nice on the internet than giving honest criticism.
If you have an actual reason to be recognizable then use a tripcode. No, being an attentionwhoring faggot is not an actual reason.
>emoticons
Don't. This website is intended for adults. Only children use emoticons. If you want to convey a certain expression then use a reaction image.
>grammar
Use proper punctuation/capitalization. Communicating in nigger jive is not welcome here. Same goes for most acronyms. The character limit is 2000 so there's no need to use twitterspeak. Posting is not a race, you have plenty of time to spellcheck.
>didn't lurk
As shit as it turned out to be, you should still be able to recognize Adventure Time, simply because it's virtually impossible to have spent any time here without bumping into that show. This means you didn't bother lurking to aquaint yourself with the site or the boards rules, both written and unwritten.
TL;DR: Lurk more, faggot.
EEEEEUUUgh
these "weare4chan!" cunts...
walk off man youre embarrassing yourself this aint pol its a fucking cartoon board someone up there just unironically said lol and posted an anime bitch
you're the one out of place here if thats what youre about
I RAPE BABY
>waaaah someone had the nerve to tell me not to act like a dyslexic 12 year old, how dare he!
You are a lot more likely to get serious responses if you can at least put up a facade giving us the impression your IQ is higher than your shoesize. Actually making an effort to fit in, instead of insisting on being a special little snowflake, goes a long way there.
I'm using your name to show you just how retarded namefagging here without a tripcode really is. Also, no (You) for you. This will be my last post in this thread, because newfags that can't be assed to lurk more aren't worth the effort.
god, this looks shit.
Did you seriously call yourself Black Walt
>namefag
why is this not a ban?
that fucking stung user goddam...
did you watch its :S was it shit?
yea youre definitely the same guy look man I was operating under the assumption that some freak wasnt gonna start impersonating me
didnt im not trying to argue with folks on the internet just tell me how you feel and shit
its ez
fucking ESLs, every time.
Actual critique? Ok
One, the colors are boring. If thats what you were going for then I can't stop you, but it looks boring. Personally I also hate the "cal-artsy" style it has going on, but you really can't change that. None of the animations have weight to them. Everything seems floaty and lifeless. You're using smear frames but they don't look good because the actions have no heft. There's no sound effects, which is one of the worst offenders. Even early 2000s flash cartoons on newgrounds had those. C'mon.
Also, you say it took longer to write than draw? I don't believe you. There's practically no dialogue and when there is, the writing is bland and boring, plus the voices are lifeless.
Bro you need to calm down, you're acting like a stereotypical namefag and your esl is showing, Yea Forums is usually chill but you're being insufferable, especially when looking for critique or stealth shilling
This is advertising yes?
This is unironically something you would use as a portfolio piece to apply at art school. It's so lifeless and bland that it made me lose interest by the intro with the title selection screen sequence.
Colours are nice I guess, but you overused them in places that didn't need them, or gave them too much detail with. Animation is amateur, which is typical. Characters are stiff and have no more life than a mannequin; which kills any buildup or action whatsoever and scenes are lost with being interesting. I like the characters and character designs, they look interesting; but the art style leads back to the whole art school thing. Characters feel and act the same.
Are you applying for art school by chance? This would be a great submission. As something to showcase, you could have honestly spent MUCH more time with it; but a great pitch. Keep it up and don't let it get to you.
I like the artstyle and colors, but the story makes no sense at all and I have no idea what's happening.
you could see how this is a bit whelming yea?
yea voices are bland its kind of a one man show i dont know what to do about it
cal arts ? god-- what?
Hi. I'm the guy who signed on to write for you. I apologise for not communicating with you, but I have no idea what you want your series to be. I get that you want cartoon Shin Chan style humor with the dialogue, but the series is a run-of-the-mill adventure show with a lewd twist. It kind of clashes especially since they barely talk to each other. The only character I was able to work with was Fatty, and the lewd stuff just feels like a dumb gimmick. I personally think that you need to fully think the series through, especially since you said that you have no idea what "pussy", the macguffin that drives the series, is.
Also, what were you going for with Miriam?
apparently soulless scripted non player character but..other things i shouldn't say
therell obviously be more interactivity l8er but yea its a kind of slow starter and a sitcom so
i completely removed the concept desu i felt i could tell a better story with shifting goals since the protage is from nowhere
her(fattys) goals dont have to be sturdy at all
until she learns of all that the world has to offer
but i resigned myself to naming being as deliberate as dragon quest or final fantasy
just a name that vaguely makes sense all things considered
QUIT NAMEFAGGING AND GET A TRIP, FAGGOT.
Also make a better cartoon before shilling, friend.
Please get actual voice actors. Newgrounds has a fuckload of them, for free.
Please learn how to actually write a cohesive story and comedy.
Please learn how to shade
Please download some sound effects (you can find them on Hyun's Dojo)
Please learn better animation.
Please, if you're going to have a cartoon based on sexual humor and pantyshots, LEARN PROPER FUCKING ANATOMY TO ACTUALLY MAKE IT APPEALING
Please learn soundmixing.
Please never shill or advertise on Yea Forums ever again, it'll only lead to dislike barrages.
Ok, not only was this shit, but I have no idea why you even went out of your way to make it.
why is this combat so floaty and awkward
the puffy rounded calarts style of it just worsens it
please learn how to draw actual straight lines
>Communicating in nigger jive is not welcome here.
smdh at this seething whiteboi
Just another seething bitch, disregard him like the others.
second link is broken
bring it back
i love it
i thinks its alright.
i like the animation and character design. It looks a bit too grey, though i think it kinda work as a stylistic choice. And i can't deny that i enjoyed the fan service quite a bit :)
And like you admitted the writing is lacking, as well as the the sound design and voice acting, but nothing too atrocious. So a decent a start over all though improvements can certainly be made.