What if Coop was Steven’s dad?

I don’t see Rose getting disgusted

That “getting xeno pussy” stuff would be the work of Uncle Jamie

Still hurts

I'd argue that garnet would tolerate him same as Greg. Hell, she might like him more for his willingness to get involved with crazy shit without being a burden in the process.

Steven would be more masculine.

what if you stopped spamming the catalog with steven universe threads

>Like 2 threads
>spam
Sad

C'mon, at least this is a decent topic of discussion instead of HURRRR SHOW BAD for a change.

Garnet and Pearl would probably try to keep Steven away from Jamie.

How soul crushing would it be for Jamie to know that Coop got xeno puss before him

Pearl would gaze upon the technological monstrosity that is Megas in disgusted awe; on one hand, a war machine that he somehow managed to improve and keep running. On the other, some of the most dangerous parts are held together with duct tape and prayers.
Again, Steven probably would inherit Coop's mechanical gifts, and that robot contest would be a lot more prominent.
Additionally, I think Peridot would take a bigger role, and end up getting dragged into custom car culture.

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That monkey thing will die a virgin

It's funny because coop is basically just a younger version of steven's dad anyway, and futurechick is basically just pearl

Steven would be fatter

They would live in New Jersey instead of Delaware, the plot would revolve around trying to get out of Jersey

Steven sure as shit wouldn't be walking around homeworld wearing a pink tutu.

I mean, he'd probably go through a really depressive period where he tries to unpack just how his fatass friend bagged himself a literal space goddess. Depending on his conclusions, he could either learn from the experience and actually become a bit more successful in his endeavors, or go further off the "desperate for space pussy" deep end.

Something else to bring up is Kiva. She would probably wind up as another "big sister" figure, trying to prepare Steven for the Glorft, and eternally criticizing the melee-focused training for Steven and Connie.

no one cares hombre

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>prepare Steven for the Glorft
That sounds dope. How would the Glorft do against the Gems?
I would say it would be the only time where the Gems feel fear

Don't know, but Megas and Obsidian wrecking mecha sounds pretty badass.

Jamie falls into a depression coma and wakes up to Coop eating pizza at the hospital with toddler Steven

More molestation.

Imagining them having sex is causing my bedroom to become brighter than the surface of the sun.

Steven would probably enjoy blowing stuff up more.

Steven would resolve conflicts with diplomacy and then carelessly destroy everything because Coop taught him that weaponizing his powers is more important than learning to control them. Also his relationship with Connie would run hot or cold depending on whether he's taking Uncle Jamie's advice on how to treat girls.

Would Coop still live with his mom?

>It is the year 3000
>After a long and valiant defense of Earth, the last humans die to the Homeworld forces
>Commander Kiva Andrews attempts to travel back in time in a captured and modified Homeworld prototype robot stolen from none other than Commander Peridot
>Peridot attacks Kiva with fury. And lots of lasers
>The robot gets sucked into a time vortex and travels back in time to when Greg was a teen
>Greg and Coop both live in Beach City
>One day Coop is looking for junk in the beach with a metal detector and unearths the robot from the future
>He turns it into Megas proper over the years and fights giant gem mutants
>He uses a car for a head to mock Dewey for having a head on his car
>Greg and Coop fight over Rose's heart but Coop wins
>Greg ends up marrying Vidalia instead
>Onion is never born
>Steven is born
>He grows up watching wrestling and playing a lot of vidya with his expert dad
>Coop roughhouses it with Amethyst
>Garnet is indifferent
>Pearl is openly repulsed by Coop and clashes with him frequently
>Coop refuses to hand his son over to the gems and remains active in his daily life
>The gems try to go on adventures without Steven out of concern that he might get hurt but he always ends up coming along riding with his dad
>Connie hates Steven because she finds him lowbrow
>Steven and Lars hit it off like Coop and Jamie, brought together by their desire for babes
>Zoo episode
>Blue kidnaps Coop
>Steven uses Megas to fly to the Zoo where he finds both Blue and Yellow
>The Crystal Gems shit their pants
>Steven doesn't
>"Alright, you alien chumps! You kidnapped my dad, dressed me like a Zardos reject, *and* now I'm missing the new episode of Space Cat! It's on now!"

Also future Peridot would menace him with giant roballs occassionally and Coop would address the Cluster by shrinking it accidentally.

It would be a comedic action cartoon instead of the hodgepodge mess it is now.

Absolutely based. Make it happen, Cartoon Network

Coop would never raise such a pathetic son.

I don't know if it would work.

Rose gave up her life because she loved Greg enough to truly want to create something special woth him. Would Coop inspire that kind of love and devotion in a millenia old former warlord?

There are people out there still believing XLR will come back, user. What do you think?

Not making Pearl a villain was Sugar's first mistake. Knowing her, she would've made a super interesting antagonist.

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Doesn’t he hook up with Kiva in the future? I forget, haven’t watched XLR in years

She was an opposing force in several episodes.

That’s not really the same thing

GEMS DIG GIANT ROBOTS
STEVEN DIGS GIANT WOMEN

This. I could see Coop being charming if he got someone that had genuine interest in his hobbies. He's also decent with kids, according to that one episode he had to look after his cousin.

I dunno. Do you think Coop would get pissed if he had a gay son

I can't see Coop being angry at that or not being accepting.

You guys are missing the obvious
>Stevens mother is no longer a gem but a Philly Cheese Steak

He'd probably look cooler, and wouldn't be so much of a wimp
>Alright you uptight, controlling clod! You invade the Earth, plant a giant monster and made me drop my cookie cat! Let's dance!

youtube.com/watch?v=H96XcNWKZVg

Coop might tolerate gay. He wouldn't tolerate a wimpy faggot for a son.

>Pearl keeps trying to get Steven/"Little Coop" to get in touch with his feelings by meditating, dancing and singing
>Coop and Jamie keep taking him for thrill rides, wings and cool movies
>Pearl gets mad
>Insists that Steven be taught to be thoughtful
>End reveal: Steven already is thoughtful and in touch with his feelings, he just finds it better to stay positive, uplifting and go with the flow instead of controlling and bitter.

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Damn, kinda liking Blonde Tan Steven

Steven would be more like Travis Touchdown than anything thanks to all the comics, movies and Videogames Coop watches/plays/reads.
Pearl would probably hate Coop even more than Greg.

Crystal Gems dont know about Megas. And get a heart attack equivalent when they see it and learn Coop had improved upon the original.