Storytiming a comic I made over the last little bit. Going to kickstarter with it, it being completely done already takes a lot of the stress away from making a campaign.
HP LOVECRAFT STORY TIME
Juan Moore
Bentley Hall
1/28
Jaxson Turner
2/28
Jacob Edwards
From the thumbnail I thought I was looking at Stan Smith
Logan Brooks
3/28
Wyatt Morales
4/28
Christopher Evans
5/28
Grayson Jones
5/28 opps
Gabriel Lewis
6/28
Hunter Johnson
7/28
Christian Taylor
8/28
Julian Butler
9/28
Elijah Gonzalez
10/28
Elijah Thompson
11/28
Chase Morris
12/28
Ian Walker
13/28
Kayden Young
14/28
Jayden Thompson
15/28
Hudson Cook
16/28
Christian Stewart
17/28
Parker Cooper
18/28
Xavier Gray
19/28
Ian Powell
20/28
Julian Morales
21/28
Owen Cooper
22/28
Daniel Bailey
23/28
Hunter Jenkins
24/28
William Howard
25/28
Owen King
26/28
Jack Bennett
27/28
Jonathan Rogers
28/28
End. Hope you liked the story, will be hanging around if y\all got any questions or comments, shoot. Kickstarter is running till May 31st.
Chase Evans
>inb4 shill
Thanks for the dump OP that wasn't half bad.
Noah Cook
The characters really don't feel very 50s. I like a more historic accuracy.
Sebastian Ward
>Tsan-Chan
Cool
Jason Carter
>white trash
We’re an utter disgrace to humanity in general. Whitey don’t get no special treatment.
Hudson Watson
It's shit.
People focus too much on the metaphysical aspects of Lovecraft's writings and forget that they were just interesting horror concepts on top of being "about the oppressive horror of the infinity of the void" or whatever.
Read The Horror at Martin’s Beach for a good example of this, it works as an exploration of the fear of the unknown and as a cool and interesting horror concept that sends chills down your spine (imagine being incapable of releasing your grip on a rope that it's slowly being dragged to the bottom of the ocean, without knowing why).
You need more focus on the simple aspects of his horror to then get into the Dimensional/Wibbly Wobbly stuff.
Also docking points for the pointless virtual signaling, we get it Lovecraft was racist, no need to dwell on the point.
Nathaniel Hughes
I enjoyed it. i think you should work on expressions and body language a little. Some of the scenes in the hospital look a bit stiff.
Gabriel Sullivan
Art is really great, pace is a bit slow, dialogue is all over the place.
Sebastian Long
Thanks, man.
Yea, you got me there, not very historical. Original was based around 1920.
Yea that was a fun panel to draw
Jayden Watson
Yea, the psychological elements were sacrificed in favour of being more visual/psychedelic. I figured it being a comic it would be fun to make it more show then tell, giving form to the indescribable. And yes, total virtue signalling. Im fine with that. Homey didnt write a single story with a woman lead, pretty nuts. Like Tolkien having three women in LotR, one of them being a SPIDER.
Will do.
Jeremiah Moore
This
Cooper Sullivan
Lol i had to image search and the first search was just shoes i was confused for a sec.
Connor White
I thought this too
Hudson Hughes
I'll make the beard more grey on the print, thanks for pointing this out.
Christian Garcia
This is one my favorite Lovecraft short stories so I might come of as harsh.
I wish the art was so much better specially during the entities monologue, the delivery of dialogue is rated flat, it's almost comedic in its pacing and overall execution (AKK!!), it fails to convey the pitiful state of the vessel, his release into an exotic universe and the joy of the entity upon finding freedom and addressing his "brother of light" directly.
You did do a good job illustrating.
Beyond the wall of sleep benefits from the contrast of exploring alien concepts through the visage of a misunderstood man, driven insane, Dr Reed ("The Intern") is the readers surrogate through which we feel emphatic of Slater's circumstances and understand his plight as his decaying body struggles to hold onto a interdimensional being, "You have been my friend in the cosmos; you have been my only friend on this planet", Beyond the wall of sleep is tragic even more so than spoopy, The way in which the Cosmic entity disregards poor bastard Slater as a prison is miserable.
>the psychological elements were sacrificed in favour of being more visual/psychedelic. I figured it being a comic it would be fun to make it more show then tell, giving form to the indescribable
If that's the case you should redo the entirety of the entities monologue following this train of thought, because as it's you are failing to convey both the psychology of the characters and the wild visuals, leaving you with a bit of a flatline.
If the psychological will take a backseat to the visuals have more of this , pace the monologue and Slater's passing effectively.
I hope I have not come out as discouraging, but as said there's more to Lovecraft, your direction is slightly misguided, but not Neonomicon misguided, you did a solid job and can definitely do so much better.
Jose Ross
Thanks dude, i am 100% fine with critique and getting better. I'll stew on this as i flesh out the Dagon comic more.
Jason Rivera
Ow, the edge.
Levi Cox
>story opens with a quote from shakespeare
DROPPED
Easton Garcia
oh, the bougie
Alexander Green
>The doctor is female
Make the comic full homo as Lovecraft intended. I always interpreted they were soul mates.
The oppressor design is cool as fuck, looks like a biblical angel.
Other than that, I think the art style just needs more work, but I'm not an expert.
James Anderson
Spoken like a true pleb.
Kevin Edwards
>to
Jeremiah Kelly
The story itself by Lovecraft begins with it, so there's that.
Aiden Thompson
OK, lessee whatcha got.
Carter Hall
I've tried four times to write a valid, decent critique, but, everything I've written comes off, to me, as pretentious, condescending, and maybe just dumb.
So, I'll just say, I dug it.
Jonathan Sanders
Me too user.