Homestuck - Epilogues

What's the deal with Nepeta hating on Vriska so much?

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This is Dave's wife. She is a homewrecker and a massive slut. Say hi.

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She doesn't hate her. She's afraid of her. Not the same thing.

hi dogdick!

Sonufa- Rose is John's bitch, not Jade's! She already has Dave for that!

someone post the rose/dirk log someone mentioned in the last thread, I haven't consumed a bit of Homestuck media since act 7 but this sounds actually interesting

Sorry to break it to you but John's not gay and hated penises

She wants a Striderpuppy, and Rose is the closest genetic equivalent.

i hate all of you

Rose is John's bitch. Dave is Jade's. Simple enough?

I hate you too

Sorry user. Jade's grotesque and monstrous knot is going to bareback a crying and screaming Rose until she bleeds from being stretched so much and begins the first of a hundred puppy litter pregnancies.

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>ARADIA: yeah
>ARADIA: i guess with our martyr story
>ARADIA: by revealing yourself as the teller it turned out...
>ARADIA: you werent even sympathetic to the very story it seemed you were trying to get me invested in from the beginning
>ARADIA: almost like a mean prank!
What did he mean by this

So is this thing just a shitpost? And apparently it's massively long and there's two versions to read? I don't think I'm bothering with it based on the reactions people have been having.
Did Hussie even write it?

Yeah, which is then raised as Dave and Jade's.

What the fuck and why.

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I left out most of the really stupid bits. Like how Rose is also in a robot body. And the reason for the robot bodies? To accommodate their "ultimate selves".

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How did my all my stupid fucking porn become canon

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man, ovipositioning was quite the read back in the day

i finished meat

this is imbued with some life (i thought that at the beginning of the ending updates too) but disintegrates into some kind of weird trolling attempt, and then utter tedium again

hussie is incapable of writing a compelling narrative. it's like if lord of the rings (although homestuck wasn't that good in the first parts) ends up with frodo rambling about rings for 200 pages after sauron accidentally stumbles into a random volcano and then starts a jewelry shop empire with orc and human teens

i suppose it could be interpreted as a sardonic production but i doubt hussie has that much life in him. it honestly just seems horrible. there wasn't even a point to the election thing but taking up space

also dave sounds like he's senile now

No. He apparently wrote the outline, and some of it. The majority was written some nobody, and with roughly Hussie sized contributions from another nobody.

damn, the fans work quick.

>canon
user, it's not canon.

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>>Alt!Calliope has become something of a God of the black hole
Didn't she wanted to die?

Wait. How did Dirk hijack the narrative?

That's fine. Rose has one role and nothing else in this equation. She's a thing for Jade to use.

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Okay, well, it's on www.homestuck.com, what else do you want?

He did an ultimate self, and unlike Rose he didn't run from it.

>he picked the candy option
L8l.

>its 2019
IT'S
THE
FUCKING
CURRENT
YEAR

That's been true of homestuck for like half a decade by now

I think he meant that as a sort of apology/explanation. Or maybe it's just his ironic self-awareness which is pretty fucking boring at this point.

Don't be silly, Dave is the one that talked her into it.

this is the product of lacking mental fortitude. i could be personally gored by a Demon in the apocalyptic Second Coming and I would shout out in glory of the Lord Christ, because I am Strong.

while these hugboxed wimps would probably just run around cowering until they get blasted by Jesus's sin-cleansing rays or whatever

This is the last gift Hussie can give, and I do appreciate it.

it has been 7 years since i last read homosuck.
i think i'm better off for it

Tell them to watch Evangelion

What has Hussie even been doing these past few years then?
Being ugly and depressed?

No, just being ugly.

At least he didn't take another opportunity to hurt her even more

Oh my fucking god!

They're going to COMPLETELY misinterpret it and they're going to get assmad over everything! This is gonna be golden.

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I would feel better if he was also depressed but you can't win them all.

Dirk is already transphobic in their eyes now.

Same. I just stick to my crackship and hold unto it and fear what Hussie will do to that.

Also Katnep is gar8age, 8rah!!!!!!!!

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so is the dave/terezi thing statutory rape or not

Hilarious how no one tumblr give a shit that in this story only white people exist and non whites didn't survived any of the infinity timelines, there is no single nigger or chink or nippon or beaner in the entire fucking homestuck multiverse.

In an universe where only gamerz survive you would expect at least a couple of Koreans around right?

>Ghostwriter theory came true
Fucking hell

Man. Fuck this.

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>KARKAT: NO.
>KARKAT: NEVER IN THE WILDEST DREAMS OF YOUR SOPOR SOAKED PEABRAIN WILL WE BE “MOTHERFUCKING GOOD,” GAMZEE.
>KARKAT: BECAUSE YOU’RE SLEEPING WITH THE GODDAMN ENEMY.
>KARKAT: BECAUSE I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT WHAT YOU DID.
>KARKAT: AND BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOU EVEN DID WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE!

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Leave Lord English to me

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I still don't understand why Tumblr ever liked this comic

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>Katnep is gar8age, 8rah

Shut the fuck up Serket

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I know right

Never saw this coming

Yeah I am still glad I wrote it

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SAVE US, VRISKA

Hivebent shipping is a hell of a drug

shipping and gay people

i'm glad dirk is the main villain now since he was always an enormous shithead

Gosh at least Karkat finally verbally ripping Gamzee a new asshole felt really nice.

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The commentaries are gonna be weird now.

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Vriska decided that (Vriska) was right. She even literally became "(Vriska)". There is no redemption from the weenies. (Vriska) is now truly dead.

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It was never about that for half the comic

>people say candy was shit
>when Karkat finally leaders up and fucks Meenah
>And Jade fucks Dave
>and Dirk kills himself

Breeding Duties ain't gonna like this one.

I was thinking of doing meat (because in the allegorical sense "meat" sounds like fulfilling plot details and "candy" sounds like trivial bullshit like shipping), but people say Candy is better. All I know is that there's a drumpf plotline, Dave comes out of the closet to Obama before ultimately marrying Jade, and Dirk BTFO himself.

Is this gonna be hours and hours worth of reading more pictureless, prose-format shit like the epilogue prologue?

Yeah, candy seems less garbage. Probably because there isn't some asinine totally new plot unfolding that basically amounts to a "BUY HIVESWAP" ad.

that's why Tumblr didn't read half the comic

Oh I'm totes down with it. Jade's confirmed sexually aggressive, and has a tail, and wants kids.
All good shit.

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Oh shit, speak their name and they arrive

she's also canonically futa

>and Dirk kills himself
That was merely a ruse. Although if it was actually played straight I wouldn't blame him.

Karkat resisted the candy influence largely because he was finally in his element again. Jane was being unreasonable, and the oppressed trolls were rising up for social equality. A perfect scenario for Karkat. Of course this is all noncanon.

And once again, we don't actually SEE Karkat being a good leader.

>arrive
I've been here since the beginning.

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Lord english of 3D porn modeling

candy was eh. we didn't have omniscient dirk, but we did get /ourtroll/ sollux
meat was ok, and we get
nonbinary roxy
davekat
more bullshit

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Can someone explain aradia to me?

>canon
Lol

Are you secretly the ghostwriter, you can tell me

Omniscient Dirk sucked. He's the last fucking thing a story needs more of.

>I was thinking of doing meat (because in the allegorical sense "meat" sounds like fulfilling plot details and "candy" sounds like trivial bullshit like shipping), but people say Candy is better.

You misunderstand. You have to read and converge a meaning from both of them.

I guess the vague themes of meat is that, that's where John fulfils everything he has to do, but dies. And candy is where he doesn't, but it's a sorry excuse for existence in la la land.

Any evidence for this? I want it to be true. It makes Hussie even worse

>secretly the ghostwriter
If I was the ghostwriter, Jade and Dave would have a hell of a lot more babies and Charles Dutton would have appeared.

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>/ourtroll/
>YEP gonna fucking stand around
>doing fucking nothing
>being bipolar/fed up with shit
>he wasn't even funny, not even a single quip for a dumb joke

I don't get pissbloodfags.

post yfw when super obama who apparently fucked dirk as a kid when he played sburb kills dave and injects his soul into a robot, thus allowing him to become ultimate dave

>strong
>got tricked by the bible
If all that shit were real you'd be the devil's personal cumrag all while believing you're working for Jesus.

It seems like every part of the fanbase has been disliking this so far. Is this intentional or do the writers just suck that much?

We've been over this, Jade doesn't have a dogdick, she has a goopy glowing ectopussy from jadesprite.

You know it makes fucking sense too, that's the shocking part.

Obama was such a pivotal element of Homestuck. His entire presidency ran through most of it.

So I'm supposed to read several hours worth of two nonconverging timelines just to make a weird conjoined belief in whatever happens with this admittedly pictureless, noncanon bullshit about Dirk killing himself and Roxy being a tranny?

Fuck that sounds like a waste of time.

Go read "vfromhomestuck"s twitter and whatever the weird QA site he uses is (he tweets links to many of his responses). He lays it all out.

Dave is probably still alive in a tube, transmitting his thoughts into the robot, just like Rose.

But yeah, the Obama bit was actually really fun.

I'm guessing it's intentional, since both of these realities are 'imperfect'. Then again I couldn't tell the difference if they just played it straight and it was actual canon.

At first I thought she was just infertile. But the truth is much worse. And now it has been implied in semi-canon. Oh boy.

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>Page of Blood
>Vriska
what

It's probably intentional to a degree, but hussie and his ghost writers are pretentious enough faggots to write something like this without irony (even though there was a lot of irony)

>"Fuck that sounds like a waste of time."
>he said in a Yea Forums post

>Fuck that sounds like a waste of time.
And most of this probably won't even matter to boot. So yeah pretty much.

Hussie sure knows how to entertain people huh?

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I thought Pages were shit but only certain flavors got okay powers atleast in certain matchups.

Also there are totally useless joke classes, just like there are useless joke characters

>HIVESWAP WAS WRITEN BY HUSSIE AND CANON I SWEAR

>DATING SIM WAS WRITEN BY HUSSIE AND CANON I SWEAR

>EPILOGUE WAS WRITEN BY HUSSIE AND CANON I SWEAR

When will you faggots learn that is never writen by Hussie and never canon?

What page is this?

but aren't you mad that jade has a dogdick?

What does Hussie even do now?

>robot bodies
So Homestuck really is knock-off Earthbound after all.

>writen
Have you spent your whole life writing "written" wrong like that?

Page 18 of Candy.

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Uh was gamzee calling other trolls my ninjas a thing in the original comic?

Hide behind an infinitely expanding edifice of post-post-irony and Viz Media corporate goons.

user, you misunderstand. I'm in this fandom to get cute art of Dave and Jade (preferably fucking) and John and Rose (preferably fucking), to make money off Hussie's characters that he can't write, and to watch the rest of the fandom burn itself to the ground.
Tumblr is probably going to tear itself apart because futa is transphobic or whatever, meanwhile I've got a whole fresh set of new scenarios of Jade jumping Dave in the shower or whatever.

The best part is this whole epilogue was so shit I really don't care what happens even a little anymore.

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No. This is new. It just means they didn't have the balls to actually make him say 'niggas'.

>the prologue was written by hussie, and the two paths were written by ghost-writers
>this is also what happens in canon, with meat being written by dirk and candy being written by calliope

>Whole epilogue was so shit I really don't care what happens even a little anymore
>to make money off Hussie's characters he can't write

Based Breeding user

>and the two paths were written by ghost-writers
Why tho

>it's real

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I'm still reading but I don't even think Jade became male or futa or anything, but that Bec just fucked with her hormones or something.

Also wouldn't Rose being a surrogate be ectobiological incest or something

Reopen commissions then

So now, finally:

What's the worst class so we can make fun of you

>KANAYA: The Doctor Said That Your Heart Rate Dropped Below Thirty Beats Per Minute
So is the Doctor a salamander or some shit?

So is there any more story coming out later? Both meat and candy are pretty giant cliffhangers stuffed with how reality is a nightmare illusion created by Jon's subconcious retcon fuckerery. It seems like a big setup for something else.

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He tried to warn us and we didn't listen.

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Yeah I think we've reached peak disappointment. I'll do that.

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I skimmed through and just read the parts with John because I don't give a fuck about the rest of the bullshit.

Is JohnRezi endgame or are they going to do some dumbass subversion again? Are Candy and Meat happening simultaneously? Does Candy even matter being "non-canon"? Why do the stories seem so fucking self-indulgent and pretentious?

All I want is for John to be happy bros.

Yes but Homestuck is already filled with incest, Calliborn want to fuck his siter Calliope because she is like his mommy.

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>or kissing, the last of which she has definitely put a lot of levels into over the past few years because, well, what else are you supposed to do with immortal godhood once you hit the age where the dog hormones start kicking into overdrive?

holy shit the jade memes were real

>Jade is just constantly in heat

Someone give me the page numbers for
>The Roxy tranny thing
>Obama abusing Dirk

The rest of it is so far uninteresting (only on Candy 4) but these sound so retarded I can't help but read and just skim the rest when I have time.

He hatefucks an underaged Terezi before they die.

John is dead speed reader kun

He taught us so much about combat, philosophy, life and love.

Candy and Meat are happening at the same time. It's the same as Terezi's conflip thing earlier in the story. It doesn't matter what you choose.
John and Terezi seems to be endgame considering it appears in both forks.
They're self-indulgent because Hussie doesn't care about Homestuck. Pic related.

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Page of Blood

John impregnates Terezi in his dad's car, then dies.

>Why do the stories seem so fucking self-indulgent and pretentious?

they're written by people who keep themselves inside echo chambers where disagreement never happens. naturally that leads to fixating on yourself, since you never meet someone who provides interesting contrast and balance

This troll suppression shit is reatrded, like when the fuck did the kids become experts in alternian history?

I told you

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I read the part where he dies. What with her bringing his corpse, his retcon powers, and him being the most important character I highly doubt they won’t bring him back somehow

DAVE: wait

DAVE: you mentioned dirk earlier

DAVE: did you like

DAVE: actually KNOW him??

OBAMA: Oh... we’ve met on a few occasions.

DAVE: thats

DAVE: how is that possible

DAVE: he killed himself

OBAMA: Did he, now?

DAVE: are you saying thats not what happened

OBAMA: I’m saying you know as well as I that it’s awfully hard to pin down exactly what happened to whom, depending on which frame of reference we might be talking about.

DAVE: wow

DAVE: so like... he...

OBAMA: I learned a lot from him.

OBAMA: Met up with him as a young man, as I was just beginning to explore the wonders of my session.

OBAMA: He taught me about many things. Combat, philosophy, life, love...

DAVE: love???

DAVE: hold on are you saying

DAVE: that...

OBAMA: Now, Dave. I can’t go around disclosing everything under the sun. Plenty of this is still under the umbrella of executive privilege.

OBAMA: Loose lips sink ships, as they say.

>I highly doubt they won’t bring him back somehow
user
It's over
this was the last update

They'll never stop the Homestuck!
Have no fear, Hussie has stories for years, like;

Dave becomes a robooot

maybe Calliope eats her brother?
or maybe John gets revived?

or how about an incest wedding,
where nothing happens, a doo doo doo do

Sorry for the fan fic
Have no fears, Hussie has stories for years

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Meat Path: John x Terezi is endgame
Candy Path: John x Roxy is endgame

Though supposedly Terezi takes John's corpse and has it while some sort of "True True True Final Boss" shit is going on so she'll probably be doing something so Ultimate John is a thing

>Hussie releases the ending
>Everyone hates it
>He promises to make an epilogue
>Three years pass
>Epilogue comes out
>It makes everything worse

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there's obviously going to be an epilogue epilogue considering meat ends with ultimate robot dave, aradia, and black hole calliope fused with calliborn leaving to go fight dirk empowered with all of his alternate selves that committed suicide, rosebot, and terezi.

he did it on purpose
the madman

He's making sure no one ever try to pressure his lazy ass to ever write anything ever again.

he hates homestuck -- aradia explains his feelings on it during candy. see

What would a sylph of blood do?

>jadedavekat resolves by Jade plopping herself between the two and being so sexually aggressive until Karkat is sick of it and leaves
>then Jade is constantly fucking Dave
Based

So when Obama was president Sburb happened and then fucking Dirk came and mentored him through it and they presumably had pedo sex? Is that what this passage means?

Even for Homestuck standards what in the absolute fuck.

As expected from the master

Did they really have to make John a useless sad shit in the ending then just kill him off doing nothing special in the epilogue too while everyone else got something new?

8e worthless

Meme'd into existence.

I hope everyone else rolled their eyes as hard as I did when Dirk took control of the narrative and started his dumbass spiel.

Seriously, what the fuck is with Hussie's obsession with meta narrative bullshit? We already have discussions of canon and non-canon going on, why add a character stealing the narrative?

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I learned from someone that meme magic is very very real.

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Which side has the rape

Nobody else got anything new. The whole thing reads like it's trying to torture the reader by shoving splinters under the character's nails in between destructive anal reamings.

no, it explains that when he was a boy in hawaii, grandpa harley showed up and gave him to access to the medium somehow, and he hang out there with other kids. then dirk showed up, and they fucked for some reason.
after the world gets destroyed by meteors, obama uploads a ghost captchalogue of his brain into a hologram machine to talk with dave and upgrade him to ultimate robot.

candy
like
tons of it

They don't have to be Alternian history experts to know that trolls breed incredibly fast. Fast enough that they could threaten the rest of life on the planet.

Because he wanted a villain and he wanted to fuck with the reader, so he made a character they trusted into the narrative rapist instead of using LE like a normal person.

both routes have someone being hatefucked to death

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dave stealing the narrative was at least halfway decent metanarrative and falls in line with his character being a manipulative douchebag that is completely without redemption

>No sprite besides davepeta was referenced.

good

And I'm worried davepeta is still alive even though the narrative bent over backwards to say they're dead.

Meat = Dirk fanfic
Candy = Calliope fanfic

True ending = Ultimate John just fucking shuts it all down, makes his own ending, and tells everyone and everything to fly the fuck off

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Dave with the big brain opinions

That's because they were forced to breed that quickly.

Why does John keep talking like a teenager even though he grows up to like 30 in the Candy epilogue?

Davepeta merges into Ultimate Dave.

give a better explanation than that

Is the Vriska that gets sucked into the black hole in Meat the same one that appears in Candy?

Haha what an epic joek.

I'm enjoying myself THOROUGHLY throughout this entire experience..

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well?

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candy is fucking great, every single page has made me laugh so far

Meat is what happens in the earth c from Act 7

Candy is another universe residing inside the black hole

yes

Say it as loud as you can. We want the #Nepilogue to save us from this bullshit.

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Wait. Ultimate Selves happen? The kids merge their everyself across existence into a single being?

>Sylph
You help people
>Blood
8y 8eing worthless

Sad and aroused in equal measure.

I don't want any nepilogue
I don't want anything new.

So what the fuck was all of that

Just glimpsed back through tumblr for the first time in ages and they hate the epilogue even more than us, which is an accomplishment.

oh okay well that makes way more sense

alexa delete homestuck

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This is better than collide
Which is not saying much but still.

What are their complaints?

I read it and I don't understand shit

In all seriousness how many people who cared about this ship back in the day still care about Homestuck at all you think

Too straight

>Nepilogue
Over my dead 8ody.

Well, all my futa Jade porn is "canon" now, but that's a dumb thing to put in the actual comic.

>we've gone from "JOHN DO WHAT I SAY" to "John does what I say."

No is not,epilogue is literally a new low.

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yikes

Not even the Viz intern handling that account knows what the fuck to make of this weird incestual erotic grocery-store romance novel of an epilogue

It has nothing to do with the good parts of Homestuck
It has nothing to do with the bad parts of Homestuck
It's meant to provide closure even though it tells you to not treat it as canon

>the 3 remaining members discussing the epilogue on the mspa forum

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oof

MEATGANG

that didn't occur to me when I was reading but now that I think about it it does just make the whole troll reproduction subplot completely retarded and contradict established troll biology

someone explain this shit to me. Why even have separate paths?

Holy shit

As opposed to Yea Forums, where disagreement happens but you just call each other niggers and get angrier and more frustrated, and no one ever changes anyone's mind?

>the mspa forum
bad bait

they brought mspaf back from the dead?

collide was hollow and worthless whereas this is really funny

Are you that guy that commissioned like a million comics from Chaz about that

I don't give enough shits to formulate a reply to that.

I only remember Rose talking about becoming some kind of concentrated manifestation of information (light) or some shit. This transformation into pure godtier energy apparently happens to all godtiers, or maybe just select ones.

I know it's happening with Dirk too.

I just read the word "non-binary"

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dirk does and manages to stay alive (well all his other selves kill themselves). rose and dave have to be put into robots because their bodies die.

omegaupdate.freeforums.net/

This is unironically what happens when you let the ghostwriters you hired from Twitter make everything.

>meant to provide closure even though it tells you to not treat it as canon
Is it a genuine aggempt at closure or is it a bitter shitpost by an otherwise apathetic Hussie?

I know there's like, a baby named after Tavros, same with Vriska, but what's the dead Tavros up to, do we know? Or the cat-sprite one for that matter.

Are they both hanging out with Equius in the alternate universe meant explicitly for characters that are too irrelevant to be shat on

Thats a fan forum buddy

>gender is a social construct
>so i'm going to put myself in the other option in what I believe to be an illusory construct

yeah that follows

of course, calling people niggas for personal disagreements is all part of The Experience

it's the enlightened heights that fools can't reach

It's been years since I read the actual ending but wasn't "ultimate self" just an abstract concept Davepeta used to describe characters' realized potential at the end of the comic? Was it ever meant to be a sburb (or post-sburb in this case I guess) mechanic?

>Equius was saved
Good
Oh, where was Aranea in all this.

>but what's the dead Tavros up to, do we know
making out with Gamzee

you'll love the part where dirk basically makes fun of her in the narrative for that:

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its where all the members of mspa forums went after they closed it

at least dirk shits all over it
he's always been /ourguy/

Meat ending.

John just punches her.

Getting punched in the face.

She shows up to get punched and then completely disappears from the narrative.

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I Am disappointed honestly
Why couldn't Hussie just tie up the loose ends rather than opening 16 cans of worms?
I really didn't want or need to know about "Earth C politics" or Jade's cock carousel

Oh THAT'S why Tumblr is saying Dirk is transphobic.

I would prefer JohnRezi over JohnRoxy.

Literally no one can fucking tell. That's how weird and bad it is.

hes not """Transphobic""" he has a functioning brain lol

the fuck even is an ultimate self?
Why does Dirk, I mean I assume Dirk, need them?

Oh, the meat postscript is after the calliope/caliborn merge. Seems like alt calliope literally ate english.

Cool.

because the writers still talk like teenagers

Ditto though if it means anything, of the two JohnRezi seems to have more support supposedly. Besides they compliment each other far better

>the villain really wants davekat to be canon
what did hussie mean by this

>Ultimate God Tier Prince of Heart: narrative control
Okay so now we have a whole nother level of classpect autism, what are the other Ultimates capable of?

Worse. It was described as some kind of abstract concept that could happen, but never actually did, until now. You don't mention something as monumental as that and then not pull the trigger on it.

Actually it's more of Jade's yifftrain.

Attached: yifftrain.png (582x116, 20K)

wait where did you get all this info
this seems to happen after meat, but meat just ended with dirk going into space
does it happen in candy

What was dirk's classpect?

they're a fusion of all selves from all branches of reality.

You really are, good on you for jumping ship at the peak because everything following it is hot garbage.

And the few good bits in that garbage aren't worth slogging through it at all.

I assume its basically to get a party of Ultimate Gohans to take down Majin Buu

Can we just restart homestuck as a whole, it’s clear that the whole thing is just layering on damage control after damage control.

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yeah but he's also all-in for davekat

Okay but why
LE was defeated

prince of heart

>t what's the dead Tavros up to, do we know?
Probably commanding the ghost army... maybe.

>Or the cat-sprite one for that matter.
Davepetasprite? They flung themselves into the black hole with Lord English

>hanging out with Equius in the alternate universe
That's likely not possible because he is part of Lord English. Which did save hime from appearing in this cursed non-canon mess.

Although there's also the fact that in Candy, a hole opens up in the sky at one point, and a whole bunch dead ghosts come through, presumably from the the dreambubbles. If they can actually exist in the real world then, yeah they're hanging out on Earth C.

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fuck I haven't read this in years I dont' remember anything.

>restart

just fucking let it die, dude.
No more of this shit. We all need to move on.

I would rather delete homestuck
hell delete hussie before he causes any more damage

Ultimate GT Prince of Heart: Destroys relationships through manipulation on a meta level

Ultimate Heir of Breath: Inherits the narrative and chooses his own path

so? you can be gay and also be /based/

>this is really funny
No it ins't,this is one of the most boring stories I ever saw.

It was easier to read the entire comic than this shit.

This is the opposite of damage control, this is an Exterminatus.

what does that do?

Yes. Everything else is Candy.

He wasn't. He just fell in the Black Hole but its implied he is still kicking. That and Alt Calliope wants to absorb / fuse with him or something

Who the fuck knows what is going on anymore

I legitimately thought the epilogue would involve John retcon-erasing all of Homestuck, to loop around to it being the 4/10 timeline that never happened, taking us all the way back to the begging and leaving the story to end there implying it all goes much happier.

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idk about meat but candy is funny as fuck

Some kind of post-godtier level of existence. Like actual god-like powers or some shit.

>LE was defeated
No he's not. At best he's disabled momentarily in a juju or the black hole.

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
i skimmed meat and i'm on candy 25
how the fuck did anybody think of this cancer

vriska fuckin seduces john's son holy shit

I would understand damage control but this is just pissing on anyone who's still dumb or pathetic enough to care

>calliope is going to "absorb" LE and they'll merge or whatever
So there's going to be a "true" third path that merges both meat and candy, eventually, right? Maybe next year or something. If we're lucky.

>Davepetasprite?
No, I mean GCATavros.

Which page? I want to see how bad this is.

the real vriska or the rose/kanaya kid that was named vriska

it's not actually vriska you tard

Ghost tavros who was with meenah?

Double dead

homestuck.com/epilogues/meat/15
>The other four, Tavros included, get vaporized

It's like Hussie/ghostwriters knew that the comic was already convoluted as fuck and most people had taken a long time off from it

And then still went out of their way to make the epilogue as incomprehensible as possible but in a completely different fashion that compounds the previous difficulties people already had in understanding the comic.

What the fuck is this pic? Did Nepeta adopted a baby John?

Where's classpectanon? I'm sure he's going nuts

The Calliope that made the Black Hole takes over a dead Jade's body and fucking eats him piece by piece after he finishes falling through the Black Hole.
Caliborn is dead as fuck unless he still exists inside Calliope-Jade's brain.

The Meat Postcript has Jade covered in gore, still gnawing on LE's bones, blood all around her.

At first I was upset at the epilogue for having no panels.

Now I'm upset over how fucking poorly writen, lazy, unfunny, pandering, pathetic, unimpressive, shallow, stupid it is.

I'm just beyond sick of Homestuck as a piece of meta-fiction. I enjoyed it for its actual plot and characters, not the self-referential wank which Hussie gradually built up and now insists is the point of the whole thing.

A 'prince' destroy their aspect, or destroys WITH their aspect.

Heart represents the sousl essence of beings.

Attached: Heart_ezodiac.png (300x299, 12K)

Should've picked candy, where john impregnating roxy literaly vaccinates her against transgenderism

Sounds hot.

>Caliborn is dead as fuck
what part of ALREADY HERE do you not understand?

>So there's going to be a "true" third path that merges both meat and candy, eventually, right? Maybe next year or something. If we're lucky.
>implying it's not going to be in Hiveswap so they can hide it all behind a paywall

homestuck.com/epilogues/candy/40
JADE: consume his body.
JADE: absorb his essence.
JADE: and then using this host, i will generate enough power to move beyond the staggering pull of the event horizon encasing this world.
JADE: a prison of my own making, which can be escaped only through the supreme unification with my other half.
JADE: it is crucial to the cosmos that i succeed.
JADE: the prince of heart has to be stopped.

homestuck.com/epilogues/meat/44
ARADIA: i take it everything went as you hoped
Jade looks down at her hands as if they belong to an alien. She can feel it now. Abilities have been awakened inside her that no being has ever commanded before. She raises her hands and looks up at the sky. Above her, an immense vortex opens. It swirls many miles upward into blackness, and lightning crackles within.
So, yep. English dead, eaten by his dead sister inhabiting a dead jade.

I dont know about you guys but Dave blasting people about economics is funny as fuck

Homestuck always used to have something you could bite onto and take somewhat consistently, but we just took a backflip into absurdity.

>Her mind remains a total enigma to me, just like it always has. If I had to guess, it’s her Void powers that make her invisible, even to increasingly omniscient parties such as myself.
OH YEAAAAAHH DIRK WAS TECHNICALLY DOC SCRATCH HUH?
really makes you think

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shit man does it even matter which (((vriska))) it is

Heart is the self, so priority one is the player with the Aspect. Dirk goes on a self-destructive bout of megalomania that just so happens to destroy everyone else way more because Hussie and Co can't write for shit. Classpects were never trustworthy because the people in charge of telling you about them are braindead. Give up already.

is there anything in hiveswap ep1 even remotely related to anything in the epilogues?

You hit the nail on the head. Fuck Hussie, don't go through the effort of making us care about your characters and then just focus on something completely stupid.

>paywall
I'll pirate it then

Makes sense why he's the villain.

At least Hussie can never destroy Ace Dick

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No. Hiveswap is pointless and has no substance to it.

nah. calliope is stronger. what part of eaten piece by piece do you not understand?

Attached: homestuck3.png (428x170, 9K)

HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

THIS IS FAR WORSE THAN WHAT I EXPECTED

youtube.com/watch?v=Lm_GPkOfVKI

problem sleuth epilogue coming soon!!

Is there anything in the epilogues even remotely related to Homestuck?

So can I just skip half? I want to be done

it's the fucking jorge joestar of homestuck

The transporter that did the swapping was Cherub themed, and Doc Scratch has a pretty big role in the Friendsim Epilogue. None of it directly links to any of this of course, but I think it's safe to assume they've decided Hiveswap isn't a viable product on its own with just tangential relation to Homestuck.

It isn't a viable product anyway.

>Our guy John actually fucked and conceived a child with someone
All I ever wanted

Canon: Ace Dick
Meat: Fiesta Ace Dick
Candy: Zombie Ace Dick

Yeah, I think hussie is finally just over homestuck. With how much longer it's dragged on then he wanted it to (weren't the trolls originally supposed to be background stuff?) the kickstarter, the various little dramas, he's just....finished.

>What if Homestuck was a metroidvania all about carapacians but without the alien plot

>no more memes about the beta kids being all infertile
Damn

wait yeah it's vriska 2

Should I even put myself through the slog of reading this shit or should I just assume everything is terrible and continue to try and forget Homestuck exists

Thats probably truer than anything anyone else has said today

>GCATavros.
I have no fucking clue dude. He should be on Earth C. We saw him in the photos, but he doesn't appear in either Meat nor Candy.

Wait so she already consumed him? I though she was just going to, after watching Earth C long enough, and then go after Dirk.
>The meat she’s chewing is stubborn, raw, full of gristle. Almost supernaturally tough. But she is a determined beast of prey. She swallows once, hard. The last bit of her meal slides down her throat. The deed is finished.

Never mind. I guess it's already done.

It's the ongoing adventures of cr33pernepeta.
askcr33pernepeta.tumblr.com/
And that little feller is Nepeta's son, named Karkat Jr., even though nobody knows how he came to existence.

As you can clearly see the fandom already made batshit insane fanfiction long before Hussie decided to try it out on his own.

Attached: equius confessed several question marks.jpg (480x8548, 1.34M)

John fucked both of the best girls and that's all I needed, I'm off.

Yes

"Vriska 2" is (Vriska) though if anything

Everything im reading in this thread sounds terrible. Somebody just put Hussie out of his misery.

Meat is a waste of time, it just acts as Dirk's start of darkness. Candy's where all the real details are, and then the Meat postcript follows it, but the whole thing is pointless and has no conclusive ending, so just give up.

>Over with Homestuck
>Proceeds to reopen the story with a bunch of hitherto unintroduced conflicts

This is the opposite. Welcome to the eternal Hell of unending franchise sequel hooks, mother fucker.

then give me a rundown

The epilogues don't have a conclusion, they just act as a prologue for some bigger story that comes after, which will never be made.

VRISKA IS A FUCKING LOSER

> Give up already.
I like to think of them basically, as narrative challenges. That's why none of the classpects are clearly defined. There's some very vague thematic outlines, but how you interpret it (and more importantly how you can turn it into a compelling narrative for a character) is all up to you.

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Vriska is a baby.

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When you're actually reading it the prose format and just the sheer shock of seeing new Homestuck content kind of puts you into a surreal buzz

It takes discussion with others after the fact to actually begin to process how fucking strange the shit you just read really was.

All of that stuff happens in the non-canon melting pot of belief-magic in the black hole.

Why is Roxy a nazi now?

Bitch, don't go asking for him to hold your hand. I already broke my ass attempting to make this cluster fuck narrativley relevent in the second post.

So I can still write fics about John cumming inside Rose over and over again without consequence, without consequence?

No way. All that shit is in what amounts to the labyrinth of possibility from Gurren Lagann. You know, where canonically infertile best guy Viral had a child and we all cried.

You mean Jane?

well that was shit

So wait. We're getting Homestuck Super now?

Reimagine it as a spiritual successor to Mother.

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I assure you, there isn't any way to make it less shit.

I legitimately don't know where the fuck you go from here. The comic was supposed to be "ending," but then the credits were supposed to be the "real end," which led into the snaps, which led into Hiveswap and all kinds of other shit competing to be "the end" until you've finally arrived at the epilogues

And there's no conclusive ending
And all the characters are 20/30 year old rapists now

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AND KISSED A CLOWN! YUCK!

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Nah, it's a juggalo thing

>Could have finally used the opportunity to use the somewhat matured up story bit to talk about the real important question, what the genitalia of trolls looks like
>Say nothing about it

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John fucked Terezi in the back of his dad's car. What a player

All of the Dirks across reality kill themselves except for one. John goes off to fight Lord English, or decides to stay and have a family with Roxy depending on the conflip. Calliope that sacrificed herself to make the black hole possesses a dead Jade.
Dirk literally takes control of the narrative and starts manipulating how people act and think until Calliope wrestles control away from him. Dirk regains control, makes Rose fall in love with him and accept her nature as a potential ultimate being, then flies off into space with Terezi (who has John's corpse) and Rose in robot form while Aradia, Calliope in Jade's body (fresh from eating Caliborn), and Dave (now ultimate in a robot body given to him by Obama) fly after him.
In Meat, John fucks Terezi and dies. Dave and Karkat love each other. Roxy decides to live as a man and date Calliope (the one brought back to life by the ring). Jane runs for President and wins. Jake is manipulated into declaring his love for Dirk on national television by narrativeDirk. Rose and Kanaya break up.
In Candy, John and Roxy get married. She gets knocked up. Calliope vanishes into a dark room after she's partially controlled by her alternate self. Dave and Jade get married, but Dave eventually realizes he's gay for Karkat and gets the aforementioned robot body from Obama. Jane stops running for President, but then controls the world government from her business empire. She eventually decides all trolls are scum that need to be executed and goes on a purge to kill them. Karkat leads the rebellion against Jane after being ditched by Dave -- eventually, Meenah (who stole another life ring from John in Meat), shows up inexplicably and joins him.

That's more or less it.

Hiveswap was an alternate universe and the snaps were all non-canon

she did more than just "kiss" a clown

DIRK STRIDER MUST BE STOPPED
THIS IS NOW THE PLOT
IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT SUCK MY TOES

>epilogue 2
>john retcons himself into problem sleuth

They did confirm they don't have two dicks.

I'm calling it now. We will NEVER reach a definitive conclusion. EVER.

Hussie will be a fuckin 60 year old ass nigga, us 40 somethings with grandkids, and we will STILL hear about new Homestuck shit coming out. And even THAT won't be an official ending to it. Just watch,

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>40 somethings with grandkids
What kind of white trash are you

If NOTHING about the epilogue ever rings remotely positive to anybody in the months to follow, we will always be able to reference the strangest shit, like how Dirk fucked Obama and how Gamzee molested Tavros, raped Jane, cucked Jake, and sucked on Vriska's toes.

>read meat
>wierd meta-narrative stuff, Dirk turns evil for some reason, Terezi gets fucked in a car?
>ok that was pretty good I guess, I like that level of wierd
>read first page of candy
>"we have to let Gamzee out of the box!"

DROPPED

as i read more it's so fucking obvious
>DIRK: Me neither.
>DIRK: I don’t really “do” jokes?

I fucking wish.

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Threadly reminder that it never fucking ends and justice will never be served.

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Let's not forget Dirk killing himself, Jade fucking 50% of the population of Earth, or Rose breastfeeding a baby version of Vriska.

>MFW the "just skip to Act 5" meme is now irrelevant.

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That's not entirely un-related, considering Dirk's auto-responder was a part of Scratch to begin with.

What happened to Caliborn?

I just picked an arbitrary number, you can have your grandkids whenever you want. Or never.

My point still stands though. All of us will be old ass niggas and this shit STILL won't be finished.

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they work well enough for john to plow them without complaining

Problem Sleuth is the Dr. Slump to Homestuck's Dragon Ball.

Kicked into a black hole by Nepetadavesprite^2 and subsequently eaten by the other Calliope.

Where have I heard that before?

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Why the hell does Candy pretend like Davekat is some timeless romance for the ages, when Karkat fucked off without a care.

So they gave up on the comic?

>DIRK WAS TECHNICALLY DOC SCRATCH

He actually was a part of the Doc thogh. Remember AR?

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Candy is a Calliope fanfic and Meat is a Dirk fanfic

You mother fuckers are just catching on now, huh? I think there was even a flash about this. The whole "puppet" thing, the multiple instances of English, etc.

Dirk has always been core to English, and now that Hussie has decided that Dirk is super-magical-narrative-overwriting-magic, I highly doubt he'll leave that fact unrelated.

>my two fave pairings become canon
My fujo side mourns the loss of davekat but all in all this is better than expected.

Fucking lame. I didn't expect him to turn into a good guy or anything but he had more potential for development than any other character. Like rejecting his Lord English future and trying to be something else.

hahahaha

haha ha

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yeah but it's so obvious now. to the point where if you just turn his text white you would never know it's not doc scratch doing this.
to quote rose
>ROSE: Really makes you think.

Davekat was garbage and Jade literally stealing away Dave is good.

Jane is anti troll Nazi while Roxy is okay with anti troll Nazis existing and being friends with them.

Eridan is OWED sex and Hussie agrees!

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did we ever get the bimbo and the diaper and the other weird fetish shit

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>John gets his shit together enough to be a good father to harry.

Kinda nice, funny how that john terezi conversation in meat mentions john/roxy never would've worked out though.

Lord English fight was actually kino. It probably does take it being actual prose to do a fight against him justice, though. The collide fight was kind of underwhelming.

the diapers were just from the human larvae i think

>I’m not going to describe what she sees. First of all, that would be spoiling it. Unless you already know, in which case, I guess what’s taking place here qualifies as something closer to dramatic irony. But if you really want to see it for yourself, stop what you’re doing, flip the whole thing over, and begin again. I’ll be right here when you get back, waiting. Trust me, no one’s going anywhere.
Wait so do I go back and read candy or just keep going.

Yeah, in fucking make-believe fanfiction land.

I think the bimbofication thing refers to Rose becoming dumber under Dirk influence but im not sure

John being so incredibly not into all the stupid horseshit in Candy is just about the only endearing thing in the entire Epilogue.

>People expected a [S] ==>

Hah

all of this is make-believe fanfiction land. or really, just make-believe fiction land. because it's not real. homestuck isn't real.

andrew hussie provided a template. make up your own story. or don't. your call.

Its why I really hope there's some ruse and Path 3 opens up where John takes the narrative reigns

Keep going I suppose.
youtube.com/watch?v=qX-YfuVQmX8

>the female bot in Candy was Rosebot
Well I'm a fucking retard. I did read Candy first, though.

the idea of the epilogue is to piss off everyone
thus, dave and jade marry but dave still pines for Karkat.

Ironically, for all the shitting Karkat gets shit on him, he gets one of the better routes.

>People expected pics
Haha

Wait, Candy has drumpfposting too?

>Meenah transitions straight from getting thrown into a black hole to boning Karkat
Was Karkat the stealth chad we've been neglecting this whole time?

candy is more fun than meat, except for the bit where dirk an heros, which is hilarious

Fun fact, Trump as a character (hero or villain) would make this shit 20x times better.
youtube.com/watch?v=I0tE6T-ecmg

There's an entire chapter of Meat dedicated to Dirk brainfucking Kanaya into becoming a cuck while he steals her wife.

>people expected
HAA HAA HOO HOO HEE HEE

It was complete ass, what are you talking about. The action was shit, characters died without making any contribution or having any kind of narrative, and in stupid ways like Dave getting his head bitten off because he won't let go of his sword.

>favorite character was too irrelevant to show up in this utter shitshow

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>people
HEEEEHEEEEHEEEEHEEE

Trump helped Obama fight off ICP in the alpha timeline, but that's it. Sad news for all.

>be hussie
>make webcomics and do whatever the fuck you want because you can live off of your color software patent
>enjoy a relatively small but decent fanbase who appreciates your wacky plots and sense of humor
>out of fucking nowhere your current webcomic explodes in popularity overnight
>it's mostly a bunch of teenagers who started reading because they thought you were serious with your jokes about shipping
>your merchandise starts selling like fucking crazy
>you've accidentally stumbled into a gold mine
>oh fuck you were planning to end it soon
>can't let the well dry up this quickly, better change your story plans around so you can milk this for several more years
>now that these teenagers are the majority of the fanbase you start writing for them which means teenage drama, shipping, more trolls, anything to keep them buying more merch
>wow this kickstarter thing looks pretty profitable, you can do one of those for an easy few million
>start your own company
>things start falling apart
>your kickstarter money gets stolen by a shady company
>work with viz in an attempt to keep the ship afloat
>it's ok we're all fine nothing is wrong here
>your dad passes away and you fall into a spiraling depression
>fuck it someone else can write the game you can't deal with that shit right now
>put the webcomic on hold
>you don't give a shit anymore
>return from hiatus
>just throw some shit together, who fucking cares
>popularity of your comic has been slowly fading as the teenagers responsible for the insane popularity move on with their lives
>the fanbase you used to have stopped caring when you started writing for the teenagers
>comic ends, everybody hates the ending, nobody even gives a fuck anymore
>spend the rest of your life fucking your cosplaying girlfrend while viz attempts to dig up the corpse of your webcomic in a desperate attempt to get their investment back

>Caliborn only got one page

Atleast it was an ok page

based

Page is hard carry class. Has most potential, but you need to babysit them or else retard will never achieve anything worthwhile.

>>your merchandise starts selling like fucking crazy
he didn't HAVE any merchandise until the series was already prtty much dead, that was the #1 thing people complained about and yet even today he's barely put in like 3 actual pieces of merch that weren't just T-shirts with lazy art on them

>Gamzee has been raping Jane and Jakes don

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need this with gamzee, jane, and jake.

Page is the bottom tier class that becomes SSS+ tier if the player gits gud

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how do I get gud?

hey fuck all that other stuff
John and Terezi FUCKED in the backseat of his dads car.

wait so is the point of CANDY is that it's objectively terrible for everyone involved?

where the fuck is classpectanon? I see everyone else that's been in the past few threads.

JOHN: i mean, even today, jane was up here hollering at jake about how his dick doesn’t work right when she KNEW we were all waiting for them downstairs!

Goddamn, ill feel bad about Jakefags if they existed

It could work with a bunch of couples really.

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413

Fucked to death at that.

Candy is Calliope fanfiction, Meat is Dirk fanfiction

apparently both are valid and form one complete story

They are taking Dirk's sociopathy to whole new levels. I can't say it's entirely out of character, either. I guess there WAS a reason Dave expanded upon how shitty a person Bro was.

So basically Spectre?

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Dude hes like 23 and Terezi is 16, thats fucked up

No she isn't!!!

Actually, it's #BASED

so dirk went full scratch huh?

Terezi's pussy game is so good, she literally sucked the life out of John through his dick

For some reason they decided that Jane and Dirk were going to be literal hitler and a sociopath out to destroy all of reality.

I thought the whole point of the ectobiology shit was to avoid Dirk becoming Bro or the trolls to act like their ancestors etc etc.

>cue various ameritards aggressively shouting the age of consent in their respective states

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terezi didnt leave immediately

You don't.

Tedium is a good way to put it. Hussie seems absolutely allergic to being sincere. Act 7 was underwhelming, but at least it was earnest. I guess it's only fitting to have Dirk narrating a large portion of meat. Dirk as the author stand-in, Calliope as a parody of the audience. Both vying for control. And whoever wins, we lose.

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She's likely older than he is at that point.

>Posts a hiveswap troll
>Thinks he can insult anyone

I thought you stopped aging and growing when you went God Tier.

She's an alien it's alright

>posts the Aaron Diaz troll of all people

You don't understand.

These bug fuckers can pop out new grubs like there's no tomorrow. I don't know the exact numbers but realistically a normal human couple produces about 1-4 kids on avarage. Trolls can do a lot more than that at a time, and there's no oestrus cycle or menopause stopping them either.

They will outnumber every other living being on a planet if given enough time. Multipliy this factor by the nature and inherent abilities of highbloods, and you got some serious shit to deal with.

God, all the Alpha kids turned out to be such disappointments.
>Jane, in an almost prophetic endeavor, ended up exactly like her "mother".
>Dirk decided to just figuratively fuck over the story, and despite being as gay as the day is long he for some reason turned his own also gay "daughter" into his brainwashed cockslave.
>Jake, after making an ass of himself throughout most of the epilogue, just kinda fades into the background after being fucked over by Dirk.
>Roxy is just... Fuck it.

So the point is they did nothing wrong?

Just embrace the trash. It's what we've all become. You can't deny this.

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Hey so, what was up with Meenah grabbing the Ring of Life? Is she an explanation for the two different Condesce's?

The Candy timeline is not necessarily fanfiction (Meenah, Jade and Vriska travel from the Meat timeline to the candy one) but theres definetly something weird happening that its making everyone but John to act like retards

>Roxy is just... Fuck it.
John certainly did

i can deny it because i haven't cared about homestuck in like 5 or so year
just because you're still guzzling shit doesn't mean the rest of us are

Its not just John

We also have 30 year old Karkat boning 19 year old Meenah

The blackpill is that Jane is the Condesce, but that even if she weren't in charge, the troll population would grow itself to the point where troll civilization would naturally assert itself and another Condesce would arrive to do the exact same shit Jane is doing.

where was that?

Alphas were always garbage and I'm actually pretty content that that they're confirmed to be shitty adults.

Have you read both epilogues? After meenah takes the ring in the meat timeline she somehow resurrects in the candy timeline

No they didn't do anything wrong. It's basically their nature, there's nothing they can do about it. They just grow too fast and are too dangerous. Suddenly the brutal society trolls live in seem kind of necessary doesn't it?

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>Has most potential
>will never achieve anything worthwhile.
>the bottom tier class
>becomes SSS+ tier if [...] gits gud
So basically a Page is Homestuck

That should be Nepeta by his side in the rebellion...

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Nobody's restricted by biology for reproduction in an ectobiology-enabled world, and overpopulating doesn't exist when you live in a postscarcity economy. As for the blood powershit, the Condesce had every superpower. Just steal that research or reconstruct it and make augmentations a big thing. The whole point of the problem, if you want to take it at face value and not realize you're reading a story by retards, is that everyone Earth C is invested in playing at living on Earth, instead of developing their society into one that can adapt to all these things. Jane is a conservative, and that's dangerous in times of change.

>i haven't cared about homestuck in like 5 or so year
That's irrelevant. You read any of this shit, you're marked forever.

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He was sapiosexual all along.

It's in the air nowadays. Nothing can be sincere. People are afraid of being mocked for liking things "as is", so everything is ironic.

CHAD KARKAT

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> What would a sylph of blood do?
Forcing moral compass on people.

No i'm really not. You're only trying to argue this because you're some tumblr reject who wants to try and pretend he's still hip.

Whether Jane is right or not doesn't matter when every character is screaming at her about how much of a fascist she is being.

Same with whether or not Dirk is doing the "right thing", he's framed as the villain and admits it himself.

Weird but both legal

Oh, nah. After the Meat shit I need time to digest

what would a Maid of Breath do?

Should I go back and read candy when Rose sees it and the narrator/Dirk tells me that I can?

And of course, Equius will have to execute Karkat,spare Nep, and get banished forever.

Why does everyone bleed from their lips after making out

Someone has a fetish

>Caliborn's focus on gender differences influenced the seemingly meaningless troll sexual dimorphism
This has literally been bothering me the entire time I've read homestuck, and I actually finally got an answer.

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Bitches got fangs.

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Also, manlet Karkat is confirmed on chapter 27

i can't believe that jade's doggy dick is real.

>dirk fucking with terezi about roxy's mental illness
based

> Heart is the self, so priority one is the player with the Aspect.
Heart probably is equally distributed between all "selves" so it isn't a coincidence that senses of selves are destroyed en masse.

I bet that guy who kept comissioning chaz for art is happy, wherever he is

>they didn't have the balls to actually make him say 'niggas'
You know ICP has called their fans "my ninjas" in their songs before, right?

So is her being a horny always in heat breedslut.

>Roxy's gender dysphoria is cured by getting someone else's dick put into her

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>No i'm really not.
Then why are you in this thread?
>inb4 I came to laugh at you hurrrdurrrrr
>You're only trying to argue this
No I'm arguing this, because you're arguing with me. I don't even know about what though? The fact that Hiveswap is shit and you think I'm defending it? In which case fuck no. It sucks. Like everything else HS.
>tumblr reject who wants to
Yeah I post tumblr art. 90% of fan material comes from there in fact, since /hsg/ is banned and all. So? You guys on Yea Forums seem very easily triggered by tumblr art. Please guys. Don't get mad over this, it's really not as bad as you make it out to be. Well apart from some select few, but you can find shit like that over here too.
> try and pretend he's still hip.
Where the fuck did you get that from?

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Thank god they were spared

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Stop posting.

>/hsg/
i knew you were trash
>Yeah I post tumblr art
posting tumblr art is fine since that's where most fanart comes from
you're the only one here who's a tumblr reject pretending that everyone loves the cringefest that is the friendsims

No I didn't know anything about highbrow white trash culture. And I don't feel any better by knowing this information.

Salive is confirmed to be bloodcolored in Meat.

This whole thing is a 420 or late april fools joke, right? Right?!

Nothing is confirmed, this is all non-canon

>dirk becomes the ultimate hero by becoming the ultimate heel
Not sure what I was expecting of the final character arcs here but it certainly wasn't that.

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Who? Anyways, cheers to that dude, I guess.
Yeah, kind of jarring, kind of knot jarring. Like it was all but confirmed.

>Who? Anyways, cheers to that dude, I guess.
I don't remember the dude's name but all of the twenty or so dogdickjade/dave images were all comissioned by a single person

That's a hard no.

>the only one here who's
We had a few threads here about the friendsims. Some people genuinely enjoyed some very rare bits. It's still not worth blowing a gasket over.

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No, it's cured by no longer being in contact with Calliope. She explains that a lot of that stuff was based around her anxieties as someone in a relationship with a cherub that looks and acts like a girl. Basically she was so straight that she had to become a guy to feel right dating a girl.

Vacuum cleaner

I actually just got that. The dumb wrestling show was a reference to later in the plot. I should probably be shot for being so dense.

cleaning utensiles rise up

>Basically she was so straight that she had to become a guy to feel right dating a girl.
...but that's not how sexuality works.

pic related says it all. i wonder what that dude's doing these days.

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>Gamzee drinking janes breastmilk out of a fucking baby bottle

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It is for confused teenagers.

Candy was actually fucking hilarious. Meat less so, but still kind of funny.

Aranea survived the events of the Epilogue. Best girl triumphs once more.

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Doesn't have the ring though

What if the real ending will be Davepeta's their influence as Equius' meowrail, and AR's bro to pacify Lord English? No more nasty cherub problem, and everyone gains a new friend. A giant green skull headed demonic beast with time powers. What could go wrong?

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The audience throws diapers at Dirk during his televised battle with Jake

i have to admit im kinda digging the rose/dirk logs

the rest is pretty trash though, except the parts with john

Highlights:
>Dirks instantaneous an hero
>Jake getting cucked
>John flipping his shit
>Karkat flipping his shit
>Vriska flipping her shit
>Gamzee fucking dying
>Titmilk
>HONK HONK HUFF HUFF HONK
>Eridan scoring
>Barack fucking Obama

They keep fuckin flirting with all these lewd ideas. Why not just write straight up porn?

How can a human vs troll war last long when the trolls have psychics, mind controlling abilities and nightmare inducing abilities

And we know from the condescence that adult trolls are fucking strong as shit

AAAAAAAAAA

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I'm fucking loving it,not gonna lie about it.

Jake shits himself during a political speech in which he declares his love for Dirk, while Dirk rapes his personal narrative.

Look at this. There is no coming back from this. It isn't even really pretending to be serious anymore, he's all but announced he's going to turn this into a joke

He and alt-Calliope vying for narrative domination, and all the times he acted so cocksure only to get BTFO'd by unforseeable stuff was the only good part of Meat

Was this the Ultimate Joke all along?

>BTFO'd
They only get a couple words in with his cock firmly lodged in their mouths, anyway. He lets them wake up Jade and come after him because it's part of his retarded plan.

>all this talk of Jade's dick but no mention of her tits
Come on

the epilogue has been pretty shit but the john/terezi stuff in meat is hitting me pretty good when shes crying over him dying

meatgang :(

All the shit with Davepetasprite and ARquius were just dragging their corpses around.

They were my favorite characters because of how genuinely they cared about each other. Years later, I finally accepted that they were just always meant to die together even if it sucked at the time. Them getting a big flash walkaround blowoff where they professed how much they cared for each other before getting executed and mostly left out of the shitshow that followed was a better fate than most of the characters got.

>Three bras
Yeah, there's a big implication that she's got 6 tits in Meat.

She threatens to nipplevore Karkat in Candy 23

How much of Homestuck do you think was planned before the first page was ever even made?

I'm wondering how many years Hussie spent plotting it out before he ever started. Do all plot-oriented webcomics have a super intricate planning phase?

Also, she's (canonically?) a huge slut that wants to bang Karkat and Dave at the same time, plus random members of the population nonstop. Imagine rereading her introduction in Homestuck proper with the knowledge of how she turns out.

Don't worry, she bunks up with Dirk the narrative rapist even though she's aware he's doing it pretty quickly after that.

Nah, reread that section. She just keeps leaving her bra there. In Candy she takes strips in front of them and only has the one bra.

All the John stuff is good. John is just a strong character all around, and Hussie knows how to make scene with him in it enjoyable. Apparently the other two writers do as well.

Just too bad about literally every scene that doesn't have him in it.

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Yeah, ultimately everything goes all according to his keikaku, but moments where he goes, "Wait what the fuck?" in the narration were really funny to me.

Yeah but at least she settles down and marries a nice boy from Texas later.

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We know very little was planned. He knew he wanted to theme the 4 protagonists around the 4 elements, that he wanted it to be a creation myth and that he wanted an ancestor/descendant switch after resetting the timeline.

lmao roxy is going ftm did JK rowling ghostwrite this shit

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what

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shes only doing it to save john though

Will there be any place left for us to discuss HS once this is all over?

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You heard me? Karkat's being a bitch so she threatens to shove him into her big tiddies until he never escapes.

Pretty much. Same brand of twitter writer school alumni.

Vriskachan

It was upsetting how much Dirk was dissing him in the narration as an empty vessel. John is like the only consistent character in Homestuck, earnest, friendly, kind of dim, but actually motivated to do plot stuff, unlike 90% of the cast. Plus he never goes through these weird personality retcons like Dave and Karkat did post-Game Over, which automatically makes him the best character.

In your opinions, what route should be read first? Meat or candy?

It's actually start to grow on me.

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No, she isn't. That's a motivation Dirk shoves down her throat which she'd have an easier time achieving if she didn't go join the villain, she's just a weakling.

Meat since stuff from Meat traverses into Candy I think

Also JohnRezi is best ship

i just finished meat, it was pretty good aside from anything karkat said.
is candy as long?

also are we getting homestuck 2

John is terrible in Candy though.

>karkat canonically has a feminine penis

"Karkat’s probably quite modest and feminine alien penis is the only one you’ve thought about in years. "

John has always been the most stable character. That's why he's the protagonist, and probably why Dirk slams him. Dirk is probably afraid John will reach Ultimate form and retcon everything, so he was trying to pre-empt John's impetus.
By the way, Savior of the Waking World seems to fit John better than ever, now.

i thought candy was supposed to be the more enjoyable epilogue but meat was easier to read by a mile

Candy.

Meat's melodrama is so fucking tedious, Candy eases you in with some genuinely hilarious comedy bits, while reacquainting you with how awful Homestuck melodrama can be before you have to dunk yourself in it with Meat.

Candy's somethin like 4 chapters shorter. I seriously doubt this is getting a follow-up. The inconclusive ending is just trolling.

meat is dirk kino

It's what's going to happen. The final path will open and John will save the plot by curb stomping both Dirk and Calliope with the power of mangrit.

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I mean thats set up for homestuck 2 when john revives 3 days later and beats dirk up

read candy first

Not a chance. That's not nearly edgy enough.

Is he really though?

I'm not sure there is much straight melodrama in Meat on first blush. Candy hits you way harder and longer with absurd, dark relationship shit, where meat actually gets into the metaplot much sooner.

id love to have your optimism user

Meat sets up lots of stuff that pays off only if you read candy second.

John mirroring the audience reaction of thinking everything is fucking dumb is one of the best parts of Candy. Only him being in way too hard on the stupid Davekat shipping is shit, but that's just kind of an all encompassing blanket of shit that goes over everything.

Candy because the meta shit in Meat makes a lot more sense with context from Candy

>All the shit with Davepetasprite and ARquius were just dragging their corpses around.

Yeah I know. I did feel like the sprites were just an incredibly shit excuse to bring them back (plot notwthistanding) and I know they'll probably never come back (which is, as we saw is for the better); but I still wanted to be happy for them for one last time. That's why I liked them as sprites. They were happy for each other and reconciled. And that's enough for me. Even if Hussie chose the most patronizing way of doing it (the selfie campaign of the brohugbump).

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I CAN'T FUCKING READY CANDY BROS
It feels like a fake ending. Like an ending that someone made up in delusion.

so dirk really is gay he hates trannies and lesbians.

>it ends with an even bigger cliffhanger

Well, fuck you too Hussie

is he, dare i say it, /our guy/

Uhhh dude are you sure you didn't read Candy?

>aradia is alive
she made it bros...

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Both are that way though.

why does terezi give a fuck about preferred pronouns, don't trolls think thinking about that sort of thing is retarded

>why is the epilogue shit
Really bro

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>rape tag
When it happened? I didn't saw it anywhere.

dirk raped the gay out of rose

Gamzee raped Jane and Tavros. Jade raped Dave.

>Jade raped Dave.
thats a fucking lie!!!

There's rape in candy and Dirk's shit in Meat is more rapey than actual sexual assault. He even mindrapes Kanaya into being a willing cuck.

jane rapes jake

Gamzee raped Vriska. Or maybe the other way around.

>DIRK: You either gotta roll with the woke shit, or decide to commit laborious, symbolic, melodramatic suicide in the process of utterly giving up.

what did hussie mean by this?

more important question: where's the bimbofication

Get woke go broke

>john marries roxy
based i take back what i said about candy

>johnrezi content

oh fuck at least it has SOMETHING

Jane rapes Jake, and Vriska rapes Gamzee

may this be the last homestuck thread ever on Yea Forums?..

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That political incorrectness is poison for your political platform if you're not a conservative retard pinning it all on your base of mongoloids and people in the closet.

Dirk turns Jake into a brainless manslut for his personal use.

Yeah, the last line of the Meat postcript makes it explicit and clear that there's never going to be a continuation, and Hiveswap's never going to inspire a thread.

Yeah I mean Jane being a rapist makes sense but inhibition-less Jade was a nice girl.

I never thought I would say that but can Viz media take full control of the franchise and reboot it or make a new story without any of Hussie influence?

Meat and Candy everybody.

I took it to mean everything that matters is whereever the black hole went and we wouldnt visit everything else that exists ever again

Literally the only good end, but it's too late now.

Holy fuck Gamzee's eulogy. never have I been so conflicted about wanting someone to shut up or keep talking.

It's referring to the line as in the sentence.

Everything he's saying is a 100% accurate recounting of what Dirk told him, just through his own shitty Juggalo metaphors.

She says that time goes diferent in that void and that she lost count of how much she has been there, so its hard to say, They could been months or decades appart, we really dont know how much trolls can last

That implies the Epilogue mattered in the first place, and we both know that isn't true.

I'm pretty sure it just means that they're done with Earth C.

havent read it yet who gets detransitioned

>Roxy: Just dont be sad John LOL

God, Candy is fucking trash

>people said SBAHJ didn't predict Dave fucking Jade
>but it did

so judging by the face that rose is fine in candy, dirk was giving her the condition in the first place or making it worse

roxy, it seems

I've always found him interesting, I'm sure lots of people here would disagree. I'm glad they're leaning into him as a manipulative shitbag.

I'm gonna go to bed, and when I wake up, I won't give a single shit about this mess of an epilogue or discussing it with you lot.

Wow, it takes Hussie a really long time to take a shit huh.

he still seemed to be a guy in meat and I dont feel like reading candy now because its just gonna be more meta circlejerk that leads nowhere

Well hey, at least he got out of the fridge, I guess that's the least us clownfags can ask for

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he got to fucking plow jane's grandma pussy

John will have the final say thanks to the fact that he is still in control over the narrative by juju, Ultimate John will fix shit, but dunno how

roxy is not trans in candy

Roxy isn't detransitioned.

In meat, Roxy becomes FtM. In Candy, Roxy is very much a biological woman who has offspring with John.

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Cucking Jake is a great upside actually, I agree

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Rose in candy was not achieving the same transformation, and it's doubtful Dirk had control over Rose's condition because it's present in the prologue and that's outside of his control. Then again, maybe it isn't.

but who is the bimbo
and on what page

reminder

youtube.com/watch?v=_ljnOExGEAY&t=40

jake, all the time

aradia of course

then who detransitioned?
also damnit johnrezi is better

>Meat 16

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What the fuck do you mean by the question. Be clear faggot. No transition had taken place before these epilogues.

the doc is back

KEK

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I don't think I've ever cared so little about Homestuck as I do after reading the epilogues.

the only good things about meat are vriska eating shit and dying immediately and johnrezi
dirk going full doc was shit

So they ignored all Dirk development like aknowledging his mistakes and the mistakes of his original self (Dave bro) and making him repeat them in the worse than ever.

Bravo

lmao Vriska ends up in the Candy universe because they're connected.

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this, candy was way better

the complete lack of art is really cool

I am reading through meat right now.

This is some heavy shit, though the idea of John going balls deep in terezi is making me cackle like a retard.

Did you really need art of Jane with cum on her glasses?

I liked Dirk and Calliope vying for control of the narration, in particular Dirk's ruse with the sniper was cool.
I just didn't like that it was Dirk and Calliope as the narrators, or the story they were narrating.

Homestuck has nothing to do with Homestuck at this point. Hussie('s cowriters) wants to write some weird masturbatory meta shit but can't make it a new story because no one would care.

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Calliope is the worst thing to happen to Homestuck. Bar nothing.

was this hussie's plan. so he can finally be free

What about this epilogue?

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Start with Meat, until the narration tells you to read Candy, catch up to that point, and then switch between the two.

Ah shit i flipped a coin and started with candy.

Doggiedick Jade was prophesied long, long ago.

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Calliope is a big part of the epilogue.

>Dave makes constant freudian slips about wanting to fuck his mom
>is secretly gay
What?

Pretty obvious point, but Dirk has access to his "Ultimate Self", of which Doc is presumably a facet of.

Reading this thread is fucking hilarious. I read like the first three chapters of Meat and now I'm actually going to re-read the entire comic just to fully grasp how dumb this shit is.

It's stupid but incredibly condescending.

mentally ill just like his family

Rubber-stamp shit like this and sell merch to anyone who still gives a fuck.

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The sniper ruse was horseshit. It really showed that it was some hack writer at the keyboard there. Why the fuck did he use the window portal rifle as a normal gun? Probably because they googled Roxy rifle and it was the first result.

He's bisexual.
Which is another thing tumblr is mad at, because something something biphobia.

So, wait, is it all seriously all over now? No flashes or anything coming up?

Just Hiveswap (supposedly)

So wait, Karkat went balls deep in Meenah?

Someone send me a link to it, I just read Meat and I don't wanna crawl through Candy to get to that one juicy detail

I don't think anybody even knows at this point, but it doesn't seem like it.

So is Karkat really a cuck when he realizes it and leaves the relationship?

Nobody knows but judging from the implications...probably not

is that even a real question