Hellboy

So is it Catwoman/Elektra-tier shit like the reviews make it out to be or is it more like Venom or Punisher War Zone in that its a complete mess but an entertaining one?

You'll enjoy it, it got some interesting monster fights and a cool raid scene.

I'm american but not that american.

War Zone with a supped up Venom effects budget. They go all out with the Hell shit.

Was she kino?

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I was about to bring that up. I don't know what the earlier reviews saw in her. Completely generic performance.

That guy who said Jovovich gave the best performance was right.

Gruagach had more charisma.

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what even is the basic plot. What are the giant monsters brutaly murdering civilians that we see in the trailors. Why are the being overly brutal in their murders (like ripping a guys face off)

is the popcorn any good?

So what I gather is that they threw in every fucking Hellboy plot and reference to make up for a shit script and performances?

Lobster Johnson shows up. I remember thinking his actor sounded drunk.

Yeah I saw the promo image. That costume did not translate well

Gruagach resurrects the Blood Queen to get revenge on Hellboy. Hellboy is being kinda pissy because the Brits want him dead and he has some daddy issues to work out. Blood Queen gets all hot and bothered with Hellboy, wants to make him her King. Of course she wants full beast mode and she gets full beast mode. The gates of Hell opening up was just a side effect.

I also just got back. What a stinker. It felt like a season of a bad tv show edited down to a 2 hour movie. Scenes just kind of happen with little to no connectivity. The dialogue is either quips or rapid fire exposition. Some of the action is okay, and the monster designs range from generic to pretty good. Overall I'd give it a 4/10, some of it is entertaining but it's just one huge mess.
The basic plot is that mila jovovich is an evil witch that wants to destroy the world or something, and wants to use hellboy to do it. The monsters are summoned when hellboy goes full horned mode for 2 minutes and then they get sucked back into hell when he comes back to his senses.
pretty much

No, that's why I ate before I came. The nachos suck as well.

Almost all, couldn't include most of the ones that involved Abe or Liz for obvious reasons.

also, fuck off with that abe tease sequelbait at the end, we all know that isn't happening.

>The monsters are summoned when hellboy goes full horned mode for 2 minutes and then they get sucked back into hell when he comes back to his senses.

So because hellboy gets pissy for a few minutes hundreds of people die?

Kinda, yeah.

Pretty much. He gets talked down out of it by his dad, a person who up until that point, he had spent the entire movie pissed at.

Who's the hero that's a fan of the comics and will post the full plot synopsis for the rest of us?

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I want to know why this exists.

to hold on to the rights

Mike wants a check

You really aren't seeing this thing for the plot. Just enjoy Hellboy interacting and punching his way through folklore.

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To make Del Taco sad.

Can you see Koschei in the post-credits or just hear his voice? If you see him how does he look?

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Nobody who's a fan of the comics should subject themselves to this movie, anything that's in it is ruined

I stayed for the mid credits scene but left before that one. Felt unnecessary.

Maybe it's because I've been seeing her as "Alice" for way too long but this had to be one of her better performances.

Not my Alice but she was cute. She and Daimio work well as substitute wingmen.

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So is it literally the end of Hellboy without the build up?

Well, he's not dead if that's what you mean. But yeah, they lifted a lot from the later stories. Which aren't even that good to begin with.

Does Harbour's performance match up to Perlman's in any way shape or form?

there are flashes of brilliance, but overall no.

In what context was the "I LOVE YOU, LOBSTER JOHNSON!" line?

How does the BPRD work in this world? Are they secret or not? Is Hellboy? The trailers make this very confusing.

>there are flashes of brilliance,

Such as?

Both performances share a uncharacteristic sense of rebellious adolescence but Harbour's is more blunt and angsty.

I'm not a fan of the Hellboy mythos but if I go from the beginning will I eventually run into them?

Is it worth getting into the series from scratch to get into them? I'm assuming they're in the comics, but then again, even as a non-fan the whole thing came off as a plot that had a bunch of characters from the comics at various points all put together in a two hour movie.

Hellboy is drunk and sees a ghost.

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They have a base in the mountains of colorado and one hidden underneath a noodle shop in britain, implying they're more or less secret, but their relation with the outside world is never really explained.

Damion shows up early in BPRD. Alice is totally different than the film. I think film Alice seems to be more like comic Liz in personality.

It's not worth getting into the comics for them alone. But for everything else, hell yeah it is. Start with Seed of Destruction.

It all seems very very confused.

Is Hellboy known?

They didn't even try. There are cosplayers that have done it better.

He literally gets called out within the first ten minutes of the movie lol

People seem to know about Hellboy and don't mind his public presence, at least in mexico, but the BPRD itself is fairly covert.

also not really explained. There's pretty much zero interaction with anything that's not paranormal.

Why is Broom alive?

Him and several others got a mystically extended lifespan.

Got it. Thank you.

That's bullshit.

Voice only

Does Anne Frank become pregnant in it or no?

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Was kind of weird. The movie felt like a sequel to a film that wasn't made. Like I felt like there was a whole other film with Hellboy and Baba Yaga.

Is Anne Frank a descendant of King Arthur?

Baba felt like she was a villain of the first film that no one saw.

>It's the true mandala effect. There was a first movie but everyone forgot it existed.

A Hellboy v. Zombie Stalin would've been welcome.

>a person who up until that point, he had spent the entire movie pissed at.
As someone with a father, yeah, that's kind of how it goes.

New hellboy feels the youngest out of the three,

Harbour feels like an olderteen/young adolescence
Pearlmen feels like a young adolescence/adult
The comic feels like a more mature kind of peron.

The creature designs were off the hook often, but it’s a travesty the pig doesn’t hang himself like in the graphic novel.

The ectoplasm looked great EXCEPT for the actors in them

The music really brought this down as well as extremely terrible cgi with the jaguar, eyeball and fucking helicopters.

What did Abe look like? Was he CGI?Costume? Did he look like Del Toro's version or was he more comic accurate?

It’s just a greenish aquatic hand on glass. It’s too foggy and blue otherwise. Sorry user

From what I hear Abe is super buffed

From someone that likes the comics, the old movies and the animated films (I personally liked the animated films better than the pearlman ones, really disappointed they didn't continue)

I liked the film good enough. Felt like a fun R-rated romp. Different from the comics and Pearlman's stuff to be sure, but welcomed. Biggest issue is that it Felt like a sequel to a movie that doesn't exist.

It’s only his hand in a tank labeled icthyosapien in Siberia

according to the wiki, the film was only 50 million. So even with the typical 100 million for advertisement, the film should be fine.

What happens to the Gruagach?
Does he still have that kinda sad vibe he had in the comics?

I'd say the advertising for this probably wasn't over 50 million.
Even still, I don't think China is coming to this film's rescue, and it will probably lose quite a bit of money.

>Is Anne Frank a descendant of King Arthur?

Wouldn't surprise me if she was. Jews are a pretty diverse people thanks to their constant racemixing to the point where they've lost most of their ancient Semitic features.

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I wish user. I went for him tonight.
He’s aggressive and angry. He swears so much it takes you out of the film.

His death is extremely underwhelming and not accurate.

He looks fantastic until he becomes beefy to fight hellboy

>I don't think China is coming to this film's rescue
I forgot. I guess this would fall under the whole demonic thing that China is afraid of.

Wtf he dies? How does he die?
B-but he survived the comics

Blood queen shrinks him down until he pops when she’s done with him. There is no “hanging”.

His voice looks great and he’s probably the most phenomenal looking character though.

*his voice acting sounds great
I was phoneposting sorry!

I felt the opposite, she was annoyingly quippy all the time and she looks like fuckin' Jazz Jennings with dreadlocks

Hands down the worst actor that couldn't handle her shitty lines. To make it worse at my theater i was sitting next to some bitch that would HAHAHAHAHAHA so fucking loud at every fucking quip.

She looks hideous.

Would you recommend seeing it?

She has Pete Davidson's butthole eyes and she looks like she smells of weed and dried period blood.

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No the movie was bad. It's a disjointed mess and all over the place. Literally every word he says is a dumb catchphrase

Was your showing at least half full?

I wish they’d pull a DMC5 and give us Del Toro’s Hellboy III someday.

The camera doesn't stay with him for more than a millisecond for us to even register he's speaking.

There's one early interaction with his father that's great.

>What do you wanna know?
How to talk to girls.

It's just a very gillman-esque hand.

pearlman's too old.

on a slightly related note, what bugs me about hollywood is that they have to reboot every fucking series every fucking decade or so. i would happy with hellboy 3 even if they got a different actor for every single character, and even a different director if they really had to. there's no real reason to start from scratch here.

>He looks fantastic until he becomes beefy to fight hellboy
Yeah, from far away, or from the side. But every single close-up shot of his face was laughable.

Friday showings are just about done here. It's not looking good

>fuckin' Jazz Jennings with dreadlocks
She does! That's what she reminds me of.

How does the Mexico stuff get worked into the film?

Is LoJo actually important to the plot somehow?

The Hellboy in Mexico scene is the cold open.

Lobster Johnson is seen in the flashback to HB's origin (he pretty much takes the Torch's spot) and then as a ghost in the credits scene

Are there any tits?

It's the second scene after a ridiculous prologue. All it does is introduce Hellboy with a quick fight and drops a tinsy bit of foreshadowing.

Baba is titty.

why did you go watch this knowing how bad it was?

Does Hellboy die?

My brother was bothered by the low scores but we still want to watch it because we had interest, is it atleast better than critics say it is

I wanted to see Hellboy fight giant cgi monsters.

Nope, not for lack of trying.

True

I would describe it as watchable in the way that most shitty Hollywood spectacle at the very least doesn't put you to sleep, but you really aren't missing anything by just skipping it entirely
Between the bad pacing, atrocious script and distractingly bad CGI, you're better served waiting for this to get reruns on FX in 6 months

The obvious thing is that 95% of your audience will only vaguely remember Hellboy as a character, meaning they remember "Sarcastic red demon guy with a big gauntlet" and little else, if they remember it at all, so you're already alienating a certain percentage of the audience who won't want to see the third part of a story they don't remember, especially since there's a built in expectation that movies come as cohesive trilogies that are meant to tell a larger narrative and not just semi-independent adventures with the same character
You could make a Hellboy movie that doesn't just retread his origins, which this one sort of does, you just can't call it Hellboy 3. Also the movie shouldn't be a terrible rip-off of Deadpool

What's Gruagach's backstory? Does it at least mention The Corpse?
Do Dagda or any other elf show up?
Is it really close to the comic or is that just some bullshit they made up for promotion?

He's pissed at Hellboy because he stopped him from growing up as a human when he replaced Alice as a baby. Sorry, no corpse or elves.

It's kind of bullshit because they're cherry picking elements from all over continuity. It's close but then again fubar.

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Well, at least it's a Hellboy movie. Thanks OP for answering so quickly.

How would you rate it?
>So bad it's good
>So bad it's bad/horrible
>Unmemorable trash
>Legit bad clusterfuck

Taco Bell

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Alice is bob marley. Disgusting

She also punches ghosts, throws up spirits and shoots people in the dick with angel bones.

Will I enjoy if I'm not familiar with the comics and only saw the Del Toro movies?

>daimio turns into an actual furry jaguar and not a flayed mangy horrible little goblin animorph thing
gross

Ouch.

And he pretty much has complete control when he changes. He doesn't talk but he knows who he's fighting.

You're probably better off not knowing too much canon but yeah.

Ouch

Theaters would rather have empty seats than show Hellboy

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does it feel too short

Feeling it was too short implies it was a following a distinctive narrative path.

Aaaand that's a wrap!

Looking back I remember there being nineteen or twenty distinctive scenes. Only like seven were pretty good.

Mexico, Monastery, Giant Fight, Alice's apartment, Hellboy's vision, the final fight with Gruagach and that mid credit sequence.

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Can I get a detailed rundown?

>King Arthur and Merlin chop up the Blood Queen 1500 years ago.
>Hellboy tracks an agent who's gone dark after investigating some vamps in Mexico.
>Surprise he's been turned and became a luchador.
>They fight, vague prophecy dying words, dead drinking buddy, three week tequila bender.
>Agents pick him up and send him back to the mountain base in Colorado.
>The Brotherhood of Ra needs the BPRD's assistance with the Wild Hunt.

Can one of you guys give a source as to where Mignola shat on the Del Toro movies? i'm not seeing anything

Also how did he screw over other creators?

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Would you consider the early 2000s version better?

>Hellboy meets the Brotherhood in Britain so they can hunt undead giants.
>A blind mystic of theirs reveals Hellboy's origin and the secret of Broom extended life span.
>During a seance him and the others involves were imbued with a sacred to duty to kill the beast of the Apocalypse and live until the deed was done.
>Oversimplified flashback to Nazi Island with a Lobster Johnson twist.
>They go giant hunting but surprise again, it's a trap and try to kill hellboy.
>Apparently the mystic had a vision of him becoming king of england and ending the world.

>Hellboy is nearly killed with shock spears until the actual giants arrive to eat their bone marrow before the final blow.
>Hellboy wakes up in a river and sees two giants over a pile of dead limeys. Third giant jumps him from behind.
>Que God of War quick time events!
>After the giants are dispatched Hellboy passes out again.
>Mystery woman shows up in a van to scoop him up.

Fuck right off, there's literally no way that talentless woman gave the best performance. That's physically impossible

>Meanwhile Pig dude is making deals with Baba Yaga to find the Blood Queen's bits so she can power him up to get revenge on Hellboy.
>First stop, a monastery of silent monks.
>He kills all the monks but one that leads him to the basement where her head is chained up in an iron box sealed so that only the words of a holy man can open it.
>Pig dude can't open it and the monk refuses to break his vow of silence.
>He eats the monk's tongue and speaks the words.
>Box opens, head wakes up.

>Music blaring, Hellboy wakes up in a strange flat.
>Woman reveals that she is Alice, the baby he saved from faeries years ago.
>She talks to the dead for some reason and all the ghosts say is kill Hellboy.
>She thinks better of him and doesn't shoot him under the table in the crotch with angel bones.
>BPRD storm the apartment.
>Hellboy gets all pissy with his Dad because he never told him about Nazi Island.
>Oh, hey Daimio. M11's babysitter for the joint venture with the BPRD to stop the Blood Queen shit we found out about just now. You're kind of a dick.

>Quick check in with Pig dud's fetch quest progress.
>The Blood Queen's a big pile of severed limbs watching reality tv.
>She is not impressed by civilization's progress to say the least.
>Hellboy and the gang head to back to the Brotherhood 's headquarters to get some payback and one of the Blood Queen's hands they found awhile back.
>They're all dead.
>Alice finds the Mystic's body and vomits up her ghost to talk more shit about Hellboy and vague prophecy BS.
>Uh oh, Pig Dude's still here and he's got the box.

>Hellboy fights him but the box breaks open in the process giving the Blood Queen access to some of her powerset.
>She traps Hellboy in an illusion where they meet face to face and she instantly gets the hots for him.
>She all on about how monsters shouldn't live in the shadows and humans are dicks to us and you should be my king.
>Hellboys thinks she's got kind of a point but she's also pretty crazy and shoots.
>He's still in the basement and narrowly missed Daimio who's super pissed and almost goes furry hulk.

>talentless
Nah man.

>Pig Dude manages to dodge Britain's finest and gets away with the last piece of the Blood Queen.
>He meets up with a gnarly old coven of witches and they stitch back together.
>Our heroes go to a secret underground bunker to do research and plan their next move.
>Hellboy doesn't think they should kill the Blood Queen and kill monsters anymore.
>Storms out in a huff after Broom doesn't take his shit seriously.
>Hellboy enters an elevator to get some air but is whisked away into another dimension by Baba Yaga.
>Enter Chicken Leg House.

>Baba is pissed HB took one of eyes when she tried to resurrect Stalin that one time.
>But lets have a nice dinner to celebrate the coming of the Blood Queen anyway.
>Oh, yeah. She eats children.
>Lemme straighten out that moral compass for you, dude.
>Fuck this shit just tell me where queeny at.
>On one condition, you give me one of your eyes.
>Deal is sealed with a tongue kiss.
>Now give me that eye.
>Uh uh, you never specified when.
>Fucker, go to the tree on the hill where Arthur chopped her up.
>Also, I curse you to watch the one you care about most suffer and die with your two eyes
>Chicken house shits him back into our reality onto Churchill's desk.

>The BQ arrives at the hill with Piggy in tow to draw her spelt blood from the tree to get back to full power.
>Hellboy, Alice and Daimio race to the hill but it's too late and all the monsters come out to welcome their Queen..
>Hellboy goes ahead while the others fight zombies.
>Alice finds out she can punch ghosts out of the undead.
>Hellboy shoots her in the face anyway. Damaging her but only temporarily.
>She peaces out into a portal but not before poisoning Alice with an evil twig from her witch crown.
>A witch that betrayed the BQ from arthurian times says she knows of a man who can save Alice.
>Merlin

>HB and Daimio head to the coast to find Merlin's tomb.
>They crack it open and he's still alive, cursed with everlasting life but trapped in his grave for conspiring with Arthur to betray the faeries.
>Merlin agrees to help but he wants something in return.
>Merlin tears out the evil twig in Alice's throat that's turned into a oily snake thing inside her and she's fine.
>Merlin casts sleep on Alice and Daimio.
>Now do me a solid while I warp space time and pull Excalibur from the stone.

>Merlin reveals Hellboy's other origins
>That his human mother was a descendant of King Arthur and that only he can claim the sword
>HB reaches for the blade as it fluctuates in and out of reality straining merlin's magic
>HB has a vision of himself with the sword full devil riding atop an infernal dragon laying waste to mankind
>He pulls away, rejecting the blade
>Merlin used to the last of his magic summoning the sword and crumbles into dust being all pissed off and glad he won't live to see mankind destroyed by the Blood Queen

Most of those quotes are from video interviews, or some of the Hellboy in Hell coverage, so it's hard to find. Here's what happened during the story stage:

> "I would've loved to see Guillermo do his third movie and finish that story. But over the years it became very clear that wasn't going to happen. About three years ago the producers, the screenwriter Andrew Cosby, and I all started working on this new story. Del Toro didn't want to have anything to do with it, he wasn't going to direct. He was offered to be a producer, and Ron [Perlman] wouldn't do it without Guillermo, So we originally started trying to tie it to the del Toro universe and continue those movies. But once we had Neil Marshall, we thought, 'Why are we going to try and continue that universe?"

And here's the moment when Mike started to feel discomfort with Del Toro:

> [...] the Hellboy character in that second picture is so far away from my version of Hellboy, because you had the whole love-interest thing, which had morphed into this first-year-marriage squabbling kind of thing, which is totally alien to my character. So the Hellboy character did quite a few things in the second film that my Hellboy wouldn’t do. In fact, there was a moment in one of the meetings where I said, “Hellboy wouldn’t do that,” and Del Toro said, “Your Hellboy wouldn’t, mine would.” And that was one of those real moments of, “Oh, that’s right. I’m working on a Del Toro movie. I’ve gotten pretty far away from working on a regular Hellboy thing.”

As for screwing the other creators we only have this one tweet:

>twitter.com/arcudijohn/status/1075086925436874753

>Meanwhile, London gets blitzed by the Blood Queen and her super plague that boils the flesh right off your bones.
>The media projects it to be worldwide epidemic in a matter of days.
>BQ finds the bunker, decimates M11 and the BPRD forces and takes Broom.
>The gang shows up to confront the BQ in a church but it's just Pig Dude all pumped up ready for a showdown.
>The go at it and daimio gets rumbled finally triggering his transformation into a modestly sized cat man.
>Pig Dude still manages to beat them within an inch of their lives.
>BQ commands him to stop only wanting to push Hellboy to his limit but Piggy ain't having that.
>So BQ takes back the power she imbued upon him and makes him shrinksplode.

>The Blood Queen reveals Arthur's final resting place beneath the church and beside him, Excalibur. Really there this time.
>Take the sword.
>No
>Take the bloody sword!
>Uh uh.
>Fine I'll kill your dad, schlick.
>NOOOOOOOO!!!
>Grabs the sword.
>Hellmouth opens up in the middle of London.
>We Attack on Titan now.

>Hellboy grows a foot taller, get's his fiery crow and horns. No shirts for this dude. Or talking.
>BQ's all ah, yeah. Lets be the adam and eve of a new monster world.
>HB just sort of stand there for awhile.
>Daimio readies a super pope bullet to take out HB.
>Alice, you remember Alice, slips down to Arthur's grave where Broom's body fell down into.
>She vomits up his spirit to talk Hellboy down. Which he does in the most Ian Mcshane is my dad way possible.
>Hellboy chops off the Blood Queen's head and tosses it into Hell.
>Daimio lowers his gun.
>HB breaks his horns off, tosses the sword and the Hellmouth closes sucking up all the demons that killed the entire civilian population already.
>Hugs for everybody!

>six months later
>Siberia
>Daimio and Alice are part of the BPRD now
>They doing a raid with Hellboy on a super science cult compound that has a fish guy in a tube somewhere in the basement
>let's fuck em up

That's it besides the credit scenes and one flashback during a helicopter ride when Daimio explained the werejaguar thing to Alice.

Thanks, user. Sounds not great.

How specifically is it bad? Cringeworthy? Confusing? Boring? Insulting?

Yes, this is like a Syfy original movie knockoff of those movies. Not that those can't be fun in their own ways. That said, I'd love a rifftrax of it.

Confusing and a little cringy at times but never boring.

Dunno why but she felt cuter here than in RE

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It starts out OK but then becomes a jumbled mess that even one easter egg after another can't salvage. That being said, at least Damio got a happy ending and I'd go see a sequel for him, Hellboy and Alice.

Is this cast to much to ask for at the same time? I'd settle for Kate and Roger.

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Just watched it. It was okay some of the effects look good like the Warthog guy. Hellboys actor is okay in some scenes but in others words sound mumbled or just inaudible. The Chinese guy was pretty cool. Sets, costumes, and make up were all pretty good besides the Lobster guy. A huge problem is that some characters have already ran into Hellboy and it makes the movie almost feel like it's a sequel to something that doesn't exist. The part they show in the commercials with the giants attacking England happens during the last 10 mintues. The part with the dragon is just a dream sequence but it was pretty cool. Movie ends on a sequel hook. Was pretty okay but I think it might confuse some people. The pacing in the beginning is really fast as well.

TL;DR The plot is bad but fast pace and budget of the movie make up for it.

youtube.com/watch?v=peiuYuDB1PU

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None of this is unfair or shitting on Del Toro.

I’d love to hear the opinion of someone who went to see this movie first. Before the others, before reading a single panel.

I want to know if it makes you want to read the comics and if so, I’ll take it regardless of if this turned out to be a turd.

Some dude was wondering if the comics had a lot of Damio and Alice. He seemed to like them.

And is he going to be let down. For Alice mostly. Daimio was cool but the candle that burns brightest and all that.

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Why didn't he just replace another baby in a different family

He wanted to a posh British mulatto girl specifically.

Is the flashback scene to Daimio getting jaguar'd anything like the comics? Does he hallucinate that creepy monkey creature?

No monkey sadly. Just a brief snippet of his squad getting murked in the jungle by the original werejaguar and Daimio getting clawed.