Press S to spit in it’s grave
Press S to spit in it’s grave
Connor Hill
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Jaxon Cook
What happened?
Jeremiah Garcia
That looks like the least enjoyable coaster i've seen
Ian Cook
I only go to theme parks once every 10 years. What attraction died to create this abomination?
Carson Jones
Some bad rollercoasters you have to ride to understand why its so bad but the Green Lantern Coaster is obvious. That last element looks painful as shit.
Eli Russell
They are never going to top the Mr. Freeze are they?
Aaron Thomas
It's closure back in 2017 was announced to be permanent back in late March and there are plans to remove the ride.
It's often referred to being he most uncomfortable coasters in the park and ZacSpin coasters (the kind of coaster Green Lantern: First Flight is classified as) are regularly voted as being the worst coasters in various parks.
Tyler Gutierrez
Isn’t this just the joker from great adventure?
Ethan Cruz
theonion.com
>This Roller Coaster Fails To Capture The Spirit Of My Heroic Adventures
>Green Lantern
>To say I was flattered when I heard Six Flags was interested in developing a thrill ride bearing my name is an understatement. I was quite frankly honored, and even excited, that someone would choose to tell my story in roller-coaster form. I just thought, “What a cool thing,” you know? It was a real feather in my cap, and a real treat.
>But I have to say, when I finally saw my namesake ride, my enthusiasm quickly turned to disappointment. The Green Lantern roller coaster may be fun for the casual amusement-park patron, sure, but it is a complete and utter failure when it comes to telling the tale of my heroic exploits.
>I, who saved the universe from the Sinestro Corps when they spilled forth from Qward to instill fear in all whom they encountered, no longer feel honored. Now I merely feel like a guy whose name has been cheaply plastered all over a poorly planned, woefully unrepresentative green roller coaster.
>First of all, the ride is over in 150 seconds. That’s not even the length of time it takes to tell the story of a single one of my battles with Solomon Grundy, let alone the decades of daring feats I, and those others who have worn the power ring, have undertaken. I’m not asking for some sort of all-day epic here. It’s a roller coaster. They go fast. I get it. But would lengthening the ride so passengers could at least gain a cursory knowledge of the power ring’s origins or the Guardians of the Universe really be too much to ask?
Lincoln Evans
>But let’s get to the actual content of the ride. It is essentially a series of corkscrews, loops, and drops on a green track surrounded by absolutely no accompanying scenery, animatronic characters, textual support, or—aside from a low-quality and largely obligatory audio clip of the Green Lantern oath that plays in the first few seconds—story exposition. Take out that sound bite and replace the sign out front and what do you got? A big spiraling piece of metal, folks. Nothing more, nothing less.
>And why exactly is riding around in loops and corkscrews the primary focus of a Green Lantern ride at all? I don’t think I’ll be blowing a lot of minds here when I say that I don’t exactly do a lot of looping and corkscrewing in my day-to-day life. In fact, I never do those things. And if I did, I certainly would not do them while standing vertically in a car. I can fly, you know. You’d think that, with a little bit of effort, Six Flags could one day build a roller coaster ride that actually tries to simulate the act of flying. Oh, that’s right—they already have. It’s called Superman: Ultimate Flight, and it’s at Six Flags Great America. Unbelievable.
>I won’t even get into how my roller coaster’s tagline, “Stand Up to Your Fear,” is something I have never said, and seems to exist solely as a reference to the fact that this is a stand-up roller coaster.
Cameron Evans
>Now, I suppose one could, if one were being exceedingly generous, make an argument that the 15-story ascent and drop at the beginning could parallel my origins, when I was a fighter pilot and happened upon the crashed spaceship of the dying alien Abin Sur, who gave me my power ring. But at 63 miles per hour, it hardly approximates the speeds I achieved in a jet, let alone the speeds I now reach flying through the depths of space to visit Oa, the home of the Green Lantern Corps. And, again, absolutely no backstory is provided at any point during the ride, so let’s just get real here and admit that none of this has anything to do with me or my adventures. It’s just a drop. They wanted to build a roller coaster with a drop. Whoop-dee-do. Mission accomplished.
>And while we’re talking about backstory, where were the other Green Lanterns? Where were Guy Gardner, John Stewart, and Kyle Rayner? Not even a nod to Alan Scott, the Golden Age Green Lantern? I’m sorry, but that’s a slap in the face of the Green Lantern legacy. Dishonor me if you must, but at least throw a bone to those guys, for God’s sake.
>It’s as if the people who run Six Flags never even researched my exploits before affixing my name to the coaster. In fact, I bet park-goers probably walk out of the Green Lantern ride knowing less about me than they did going in. If you’re going to put a person’s name on something, then make it at least somewhat representative of that individual. As it is currently constructed—and I would be shocked if they didn’t come to their senses and make some major changes very soon—the Green Lantern ride could pretty much be “about” anyone or anything. With a few tiny alterations, it could be the Green Arrow ride. Or the Green Hornet ride. Or the fucking Jolly Green Giant Ride. Or just Green: The Ride. That’s right. A roller coaster all about the thrilling adventures and captivating saga of the color green. How’s that sound, everybody?
Sebastian Reyes
Had to ride this a dozen times in a row one afternoon for the commercial shoot. Have felt zero need to ride it since.
Zachary Morris
>Now, if the people at Six Flags would like to sit down and talk about how to make this ride truer to my story, then we can do that. I still think a Green Lantern ride is very interesting in theory, I have a lot of ideas, and I work well in groups. So if there’s any interest in that, I am more than willing to sit down at a table and hash it out.
>Otherwise, I have to say, agreeing to license my name and likeness to Six Flags is starting to look like a seriously bad move on my part.
Carter Mitchell
>Now, if the people at Six Flags would like to sit down and talk about how to make this ride truer to my story
Maybe, but hurtling along a track and then suddenly getting struck in the head would create incredible liability challenges, Hal.
Adam Cruz
>>Otherwise, I have to say, agreeing to license my name and likeness to Six Flags is starting to look like a seriously bad move on my part.
Hal, you're homeless. You do stuff like this and you're still homeless. You're bad with money. Just ask Batman to hook you up with a financial advisor. Hell, ask Alfred for advice.
Henry Brown
It's either a rollercoaster about head trauma or a rollercoaster about chasing underage alien tail, the legal department signed off on the former.
David Gonzalez
Think WB will reup their contract with Six Flags, or try to enter the theme park game themselves?
Henry Long
"Ow, my balls" the ride.
Joshua Taylor
Can someone ask Morrison to have an issue where Lateran gets sued because of his shitty dollar coaster tie in
Isaac Gomez
Six flags just uses the same track layout but changes the colors and theme for most of their coasters. its easier and cheaper to do if their trying to fill space or just add something that looks new than having a company like arrow or B&M make up a completely new track layout
Xavier Martinez
Good.
Going on this ride was like waiting an hour to fly with Green Lantern, only to find out you're actually fighting him.
He puts you in a big green diaper construct and flings you around by it for 45 seconds, then asks if you liked it.
Aiden Russell
The Onion never disappoints
Carson Gonzalez
Nothing, actually. IIIRC, it stood on what used to be an extra queue area that I only saw ever get used for Halloween shenanigans.
Jordan Rogers
>Six flags just uses the same track layout but changes the colors and theme for most of their coasters.
Just like my RCT parks
Jayden Hall
Is the same ride that's killed a few people?
Last one I recall was a decapitation.
Bentley Murphy
I really doubt that’s the one, it would have been closed if the death was as severe as a decapitation
Anthony Martinez
Bump
Jayden Hill
the ride was extra fun/painful if you loaded the cars so that one side was much heavier than the other.
so much spinning uguuu
Levi Cox
If you were a guy, riding that coaster would severely decrease the chance of you ever having children.
Joshua Carter
I was going to say this but couldn't remember if I was recalling it right. Bizzaro still best.
Michael Green
I felt like someone hit me in the vagina with a bat
Austin Flores
I live 20 minutes away from Six Flags and haven't been there in almost 20 years. I remember when it was just called Great Adventure and used to go there every weekend with my grandparents. Seeing the Scream Machine while we walked towards the ticket entrance was one of my less shitty childhood memories.
I think I rode the Runaway Train at least 20 times in one day. There was literally no one on line for it and it was one of my favorite rides.
Hunter Phillips
From the thumbnail I thought it's the ride from Ayiderdee.
Jeremiah Taylor
I really don't see the issue, it actually like kinda fun ? what's the problem, there ?