Here's a scan of a comic I found in the Lego aisle of a Wal-Mart

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lol seems like a great reaction pic

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Aaaaand that's everything. Hopefully, I've provided Yea Forums with some fine fresh meme material.

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I got a little half-chub user, thanks.

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More like an exploitable

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>remembers every time a bimbo walked past him and he thought "Noice"
I don't.
I see a lot of hot sluts.
>a single date recorded for envy
I'm envious of how little envy he felt.

Are Chick Tracts Protestant or Baptist? This explanation of hell is quite untrue. God doesn't send you to Hell, for heaven and Hell are the same but different. In both, you bathe in God's Glory, but the unenlightened covets (or is burned by) God's love due to their pride/self hatred/ hatred of others. Meanwhile, the enlightened recharge in the Glory in order to fight for God in the second coming.

would choose hell any time over residing in a bigot town for the rest of eternity

Protestant

>bigot town
But heaven is full of blacks, Mexicans, midgets, retards, cripples, etc.
Are you just mad that you aren't allowed to eat da poopoo?

That panel on the right actually looks kind of cool, in a stark, minimalist sort of way. I like the visual of lots of tiny people standing before some immense cosmic being.

So telling dirty jokes is sufficient grounds to send you into eternal damnation? Or that it's on the same level as sexual impropriety? Jack Chick's moral values are totally whack. He must have been a grim, humorless person in real life.

Baptists ARE protestants. They're a distinct subcategory of Protestantism like the Lutherans, Methodists, and Mormons.

Ripping a hot fart without asking Christ for forgiveness will get you thrown into hell.
On the other hand, you can pray after molesting your daughter and still get into heaven.

Lame.
Why can't these guys ever be murderers or something?

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I can't think of a single human who has ever lived who deserves to be punished for all of eternity, for mortal, transient acts

If such a God exists who would hand down such judgement, then being next to him for all of eternity would be the greatest punishment of all

Depends on how you see the soul and what property it keeps when it leaves the body. Let's say someone tortures a child into growing up into a monster who tortures and kills ten people. Yes, we are all responsible for our actions, but from a young age the monster was conditioned and shaped by someone cruel. Trauma is very much a part of someone, it shapes them and their actions. Does it shape their soul too? Is it like a broken leg which I assume gets fixed in heaven or is it the soul itself? Eternal punishment for eternal damage seems fair in that sense. But then how is it that the rich have a camel's chance through a needle? They live such comfortable lives they are safer, less damaged. Less desperate.

It's sad, unfair, and complicated.

dude, i'm gonna make the guy going after me feel so confident in himself.

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>Judged according to their works
Calvinists BTFO

I can't believe people still plant Chick Tracts everywhere. That's the most cop-out way to evangelize, right next to dollar bill tracts.

t. Christian Prot

Except god already knew everything they were going to do before he even created them, and he created them anyway knowing the traits he put into their souls were going to lead them down certain paths.

God's kind of an asshole in this regard if you believe that is how it works.

Yes!! what is so bad about eating poopoo in the comfort and privacy of my own home that the nigga has to kick me out? i've helped people all my life and not one of them needed to know i had a hobby of diddling myself to pictures of dead rats or whatever. why is that so important to him?

>But then how is it that the rich have a camel's chance through a needle?
because rich people are damaged by their wealth to forget their conscience. a rich man with charity ceases to be rich, but one who stays rich never had any charity

Your life and body are an affectionate gift from god.
What if you gave your kid a gift and found out that they immediately shoved it up their butt?

well thats what dildos are for user. why would i have it any other way?

>Your life and body are an affectionate gift from god.

I've been struggling with auto-immune disease all my life. Thanks God! You fucking cunt.

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>be me
>depressed, fat, no-good KHV loser
>enoughisenough.jpg
>turn my life around
>hit the gym, go back to school
>years pass; make mad cash
>fuck some thots on my yacht to lose my V-Card
>get run over by a truck of peace two weeks later
>go to Hell for fucking before marriage
>burned for an eternity as I watch WEBMs and poorly-made gifs with text from /gif/'s "bully SHITS your mom" threads on repeat
>mfw
This is way too complicated, y'know... Might as well commit a genocide and kill your way to the top while you're at it. I mean, everyone's going to Hell either way, so why think small? If you're gonna sin, go at it all the way...

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He recognized you and knew you were too bad-ass to be playing on scrub difficulty.

Yeah, what's up with that? The guy in this comic expressed remorse for making sex jokes, but he still gets sent to hell while the molester guy is saved because he feels bad about it? It makes me wonder if Chick has some personal experience with sexual abuse that makes him more... sympathetic to pedos.

In most Sunni sects (and I believe in the eastern orthodox church as well), hell is meant to be temporary. The idea is that you have to go there for a certain amount of time depending on the gravity of your misdeeds, whereupon you can then join God.

I think they just want to attract unfulfilled hedonists

>people thinking he’s going to hell because of all the small bad things he did
He went to hell because he openly rejected god and Jesus Christ

That’s the bottom line of all forms of Christianity. its Not even about not going to Church. You just have to accept Jesus died for your sins and that he is real.

You’re not going to hell for swearing or watching anime porn

wtf im muslim now

>Learn from your mistakes
That sounds nice

He should have prepared some pottery warriors, just like me.

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so... what about those new Far-From-Home sets?

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It's the Lincoln memorial lol

Dollar tracts have 100% caused more people to hate Christianity than convert. I can't think of a worse way than to screw someone into thinking they've found twenty bucks.

Boy, these Christians sure are gonna be embarrassed when they die and it turns out the Mayans had it right all along.

They're just chick tracts. I remember they had a whole stand of them in our youth center as a kid.

I don't know how much of it is popular extrapolation of formal doctrine but I've been raised a catholic and this is what I have always been taught, that everyone is in hell until they pay for their sins and repent so they can dwell in god's grace.

I visited a hospital and found one, its magical really.

I remember reading this when I was a kid

oh shit, I had too google them.
how is this legal?

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I thought it was the Rastafarians.

>christians: get married and have kids!
>also christians: if you like women you are going to hell!

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I find them at store I work at, but at least they have the decency to leave them at the register.
I've even got This Was Your Life!
I wonder if Darkest Dungeons or the one with evil Tingle is still in print?

for what its worth theyre pretty entertaining

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The lisa one is the worst by far

At least I don't smoke, own a fancy car, a tv, and drink water. At least I think it's water judging by the floating ice cube.

What Lisa one?

>Are Chick Tracts Protestant or Baptist?
Is this bait?

Neither, they're anti-Catholic.

It's only illegal if you deface actual currency. Picking up half a stub of a Benjamin telling you you're gonna burn in Hell is the equivalent of being Rickrolled away from the internet.

I know there's one really ridiculous one where everything is going normally, then it's suddenly revealed the guy did something absurd like molesting a kid. I can't remember the specifics, only the feeling of "that escalated quickly".

But a Baptist is a Protestant.

The ultimate cop-out of Protestantism, and I say that as someone who was raised Methodist. At least Catholics are actually expected to do good works, not just say the magic words and go to heaven no matter how shitty a person you’ve been.

>Catholics are actually expected to do good works
Well maybe not GOOD works but at least they try to do something even if it's evil sometimes.

I find them on urinals. Wish I was kidding.

Nice try asshole, but my best friend's father is an imam. Hell is permanent for all non believers of the prophet and Allah.
If you are Sunni, God will eventually forgive you and raise you to Heaven.
Everyone else loses their souls after the torment.

Damn I hate it when people leave shit without flushing it

What the fuck? That's not true for Catholics. Faith alone cannot save you. You have do good deeds too. This is a fundamental difference between Prodies and Catholics

Me too, what the fuck is up with that?

Oglaf is a treasure

>just being attracted to a woman is a sin

What the fuck. Why would you willingly join this religion.

You usually don't find them in stores because employees tend to find them first and in the trash they go.

>subscribe or suffer for all time

God went too far in the YouTube scene

no, it should break a bunch of counterfeit laws

>expressed remorse
Post mortem, with a literal feathery angel giving him the stink-eye.
You have to repent before you know, that's the deal.

found several in a cheese store on a display. Not sure if owner was religious or had religious customer "helping" but took one of each.

Lisa? the one where the guys just into porn then suddenly its all "I hear you fuck your daughter."

That is the one chick tract so bad it was actually taken down by Chick. He's discontinued as few as they aged or redrew them with less horrible art, but that one was actually recived poorly even by the target audience.

>leaving dollar bill tracts lying around
>not using them to tip servers

>God and his angels have to suffer through every dirty thought of every single dead person
>this includes people who like gay futanari scat porn
Sounds like a shit job desu
Also didn't Jesus die so any Christian can just say sorry to get a ticket to heaven?

What's the difference between Catholics and Protestants?

bump

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>I'm envious of how little envy he felt.
>March 21.

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hahahaha holy shit, is there more pics of this one

Can literally rape and murder a whole town and just to do this For a Catholic you are damned unless you can do enough to make God forgive you, but at that point I'm pretty sure God wants you to make peace in the ME to atone for that type of shit, so you are probably damned.

Hope you pack sunscreen, it's a real scorcher down there.

What the fuck.

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Fresh? The internet was already making fun of these decades ago.

My rudimentary knowledge, Roman Catholics have more of a canon hierarchy. The Pope is the Earthly word of God.
Protestants rejected that in hopes of a closer communion with God and to be free of a lot of Catholic Dogma that Luther thought was fucked.
Those are what I think are the broad strokes then it gets further apart when Protestants drift from one another and shit like Adventists and Jehovahs Witness start showing up.

Catholics believe they are the church Christ founded. They base doctrine on church tradition as well as scripture. They do and believe many things not described in the Bible, and even seemingly contrary to it. Protestants came about out of resistance to this. They base their doctrines on the Bible alone.

I believe that they want you to think sexual thoughts about ONE woman for the rest of your life and ONLY her. The first lady you've ever had sexy thoughts about you have to marry and get her pregnant or else it's the pit for you.

Isn't the Orthodox take on damnation? Catholics have it that Hell is a complete detachment from God's aura, which causes misery even if someone was a avid anti-theist in life.

>They base their doctrines on the Bible alone
No they don't. Many of their traditions are also not found in the Bible. Never once does the Bible ever fucking talking about the Trinity being equal.
Goddamn I wish Prodies would open to their own bullshit, sometimes Papists will (well only on Yea Forums and usually on /his/) but you fuckers even on Yea Forums will not bend on this shit.

*own up to their own

Fuck this shit, I found one under a massive parked truck thinking it was a C-note.

>Lego
weird. usually these are left in the porn or alcohol sections.

Why do people seem to forget all these times that Jesus threw shade at rich people?

Protestants are expected to do good works too, you chump. Not because it gets you into heaven, or saves you from hell, but because doing good works is part and parcel being good to your neighbor.

It's harder to bug rich people for Indulgences and donations if you bring up all the times the central figure of your belief system threw shade at them.

Faith alone you dumb fucking faggot. Your churches is probably some corrupted meme church that was invaded by leftist and brown papist animals.

I dislike the notion of a god understood on human terms. We are not meant for greater eternity why would I want anything as my god if it wasn't much greater than I am.

>Helping the Poor and teaching kids how to read is "corruption"

You're catholic, aren't you?

You know, for kids!

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no, you should get a job, leftist athiest hippie

Not him but are you new to the internet or something? Papist is a slur hurled at Catholics.

>oh boy this is worse than that one time we went to Sodom

I'll admit I only read the Bible once, but damn I figured I'd remember this hentai tier shit.

on the contrary you will be given the chance to fap for the last time to that old ass hentai you forgot about

Lot was raped by the same virgin daughters he wanted to give to horny villagers

>let us rape these angels sent by god!
>no, I wont let you! But you can rape my virgin daughters instead!

Is this real? I dont remember this part.

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fucking kek
and this is the MOST righteous man. And Cuckservatives still try to claim the Bible is moral and good.

biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis 19&version=NIV

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most righteous man in that single city mind you

considering men in the city wanted to fuck THIS, banging and having kids with your own daughters is rather minor

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>Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.”

>That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

>The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I slept with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.” So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

>So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father. 37 The older daughter had a son, and she named him Moab; he is the father of the Moabites of today. The younger daughter also had a son, and she named him Ben-Ammi; he is the father of the Ammonites of today.

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So you found this in a toy aisle of a wal mart? Like, it was lying on the ground or something?

They didn't look like that at the time.
Also if THAT offered to fuck I'd try it, at least to see what it feels like.

That is one manly lookin baby.

That chapter is so damn messed up.

jesus freaks leave this on store shelves for people to find.
generally all that happens is an employee finds it and they make fun of it in the break room.

Also the toy aisle is an odd place to find it. Usually these are left in the alcohol aisle or where the porn books are.

The Angles had taken human form in the story, dipshit.

So this is why feminists consider unsolicited greetings a form of assault.

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Why is this part even in the story? This is literally the most irrelevant part of Lot's story. This entire scene could have been omitted and the story would have been no worse off for it. Unless there's some 200 IQ symbolism for this scene that I'm missing, I just don't get why it's even there.

Is this in Argentina? Looks like Hitler got away and works at where this guy works

I lol'd.

Christians are tarded and believed that this was literal and important truth. Jews too and Muslims as well. See they kept it in so long they couldn’t get rid of it without looking dumb but the longer they keep it in, the dumber they look and the blowback from change gets worse.

Actually, Hell is supposed to be freezing cold, canonically, as it is thr furthest place from the warmth of God's love.

i thought that was just Dante Alighieri's autistic fanfic headcanon

user, you don't want to read it, I swear to shit it's the most depressive thing ever crafted, the gist of it is a father rapes his 4-5 year old daughter, the art this time is realistic, the kid has the most pained expression gamut ever drawn, she ends up with HIV, and the father gets scot free away just because he prayed.

Well, guess they were explaining the story of the Moabites and Ammonites from what I gathered, but if they didn't explain Lot was completely hammered, it would look like he boned his own daughters just because.

Wait what about the lake of fire thingy?

This is my new villian persona.

Apparently it's also supposed to be a jab at the Moabites and the Ammonites, since they were in conflict with the Israelites, the spawn of incestual rape performed on an unwilling man of God. At least that's what I'd guess. I don't know, I'm no Biblical scholar.

I remember reading this when I was a kid. Maybe my father gave it to me. I think this shit really fucked me up.

The Bible is not 100% life instructions though. All the sins people are described committing is to underline what life is without God and why sinful people need him.

You're meant to learn from people's bad examples, basically.

Read the Levite and his Concubine if you want something really wild.

I'm afraid Frank Miller has probably beat you to it by now.

It's legal to make duplicate copies of bill notes as long as you don't try to pass them off as actual currency. For example, Hollywood has large stacks of fake cash(the only real differences being that the fake bill will say 'this is not legal tender'), that they'll rent out to movie studios.

Sure you did.

if what bible says is true then why california isn't a scarred postapocalyptic wasteland then

>That night, “some of the wicked men of the city surrounded the house. Pounding on the door, they shouted to the old man who owned the house, ‘Bring out the man who came to your house so we can have sex with him’”

there seems to be a pattern

Damn, it's like I'm reading Immortal Hulk in b&w. Thanks for sharing, OP.

>You’re not going to hell for swearing or watching anime porn
Phew, no problems then. And here I was worried.

>Also didn't Jesus die so any Christian can just say sorry to get a ticket to heaven?
Jesus absolved humanity of the Original Sin, the one that caused the expulsion of Adam & Eve from Paradise. Every other sin is your responsibility, sorry.

good luck with that in the current year

Official Catholic doctrine is that there's a "purgatory", a state where people cleanse their sins and repent before going to heaven, but there's also a hell which is actual eternal damnation, and seen as complete separation from god.

A purgatory isn't explicitly mentioned in the bible, but it's how the doctrine makes both the references to praying for the soul of the dead and a "purifying fire" but also references to an "eternal hell" coexist.

The Bible is fucked up, man.
I don't think there's a god, but if there is one the Bible surely does not represent it. Unless it's some sort of fucked up evil god that doesn't care about basic fairness.

If it makes you feel better, I think neither the daughters or the angels get raped. They actually scorch those faggots into salt or something.

Murderers and pedos play the last minute repentance card and go to heaven in Chickland

In the UK there was an artist who made a career out of painting copies of bank notes. The government tried to sue him over it but since no one could possibly mistake his giant paintings for actual currency the case was their out. After that the Bank of England started copywriting their designs so if you want to make joke money over here you have to be careful how real you make it look

Consider the following:

The Bible only reports what Lot did, but not what he was thinking.

The Apostle Peter later counts Lot as a righteous man.

Jewish historian Josephus reported that the men of Sodom were particularly cruel to other men, complete taken by thier homosexual lust.

Speculation:
Lot's may have reasoned that his daughters would not be harmed by the men. In a previous account, Yahweh prevents Pharoah from sleeping with Abraham's wife Sarah. So it could reasoned that Lot acted in faith, that Yahweh would protect his daughters. By means of the angel's, Yahweh did make good on saving them.

As for Lot's wife, she looked back with regret over what she had given up, directly against Yahweh's judgment. I'd be salty too.

The situation with his daughters Cosbying may have about having a bloodline to continue.

He said villain persona, not heroic.

Lot is literally babby's first anti-Bible pill. I can't believe you dumb muricans are only learning about it now. The villager' faces are hilarious though.

I hate the horseshoe theory, but it is sometimes correct.

Yeah but that line of thought isn't as funny or damning.
Hey man I've known about it since I saw the Brad Neely short
youtube.com/watch?v=bar3GOzDNzg

I know, right? If I was really trying to reach out to someone and all I had was a tract I'd at least go "alright, here's a $20 tip that you can have if you just read this." Everyone leaves happy. These are made to be like "lol God is more valuable than money" which is true if you are a Christian but you're not going to convince a non-believer of that.
It's legal, fake money that's obviously fake is printed all the time.

Oh, I thought you were talking about Lisa as as in Lisa the Painful.

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man I love this one, have a cheap edit

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Maybe bible was just popular fiction of the time, much like fanfiction today?

My grandma is hardcore catholic and she had tons of these, and one time there was a guy sitting outside my high school with a fat stack of them just handing these out. Ah the memories, my favorite is the Halloween one.

I thought for sure this was going to be a "didn't accept as personal lord and savior" one.

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It's interesting how these are always literally me 1:1.

>that time Chick accused C.S. Lewis and Tolkien of being occultists

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A third of these are me. Damn.

nice

>coughing on doorknobs
LOL

>only a third
Normies get out REEEEEE

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If I have to get sick, so does everyone else.

Oh I have plenty other faults.
And this page is priceless, thank you.

Protestants were a mistake

Good artist

if using skub means Jesus loves you than satan can have my ass

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WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE WARN ME ABOUT ALL THIS?

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This better not be anything lewd.

Eugh. Disgusting.
Fuck you user.

>/gif/'s "bully SHITS your mom" threads on repeat
wot?

>he doesn't know
there's even different variants of this one
here's the one for Africans

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here's the one for Muslims

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>All the men came from the city, circling the house, yelling "Who are these men? Bring them outside so that we may rape them"

Funniest shit I've ever read.
>New ass in town lads lets go check it out

>the angles change for the race of the person being judged
Absolutely haram. God and his angles are white. Whoever made this will burn forever in the lake of hellfire for such blasphemy.

That is the least accurate depiction of the Kabaa I have ever seen. How do you fuck up a cube?

>Hydroman and Molten Man are just Mysterio special effects

Well that sucks.

Yeah, the way I see it, there are certain unforgivable sins (I think killing your kin and suicide are the two big ones) but you can just repent for the rest and eventually god will release you.
A funny annedocte: I'm a brazilian, and in northeastern parts, a sort of zoroastrian-catholicism arose during the colonnial times (and still exists) in which Jesus was your judge, Mary your lawyer and Satan your prosecutor, and Jesus and a jury of saints decide who can and can't go to heaven based on your plea.
I suppose it relates to how people are so poor that at some point in time they will have to do some serious shit (on the level of "leaving a kid to die") but they didn't have any other choice, so God can't possibily this monolithic authority and will understand you did what you had to do to live the life he gave you.

But muslims believe in jesus. How the hell do you not know that? That's like saying christians don't believe in abraham.

Refer to At best they just did a quick wikipedia glance and called it a day.

The one for East Asians has pretty sweet art.

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JTC
Jesus "The" Christ? Was that really his middle name?

It’s simple politeness to Change races to whatever guest you have over, user.

Then why do black people get upset when me and my family put on black face for them when they enter our humble abode? We are just trying to make them feel at home.

Jack Thomas Chick, aka the guy who made all these chick tracts

It stands for Tyrese.

Do you remember the bone thingy in the hair? I bet it's the bone thingy in the hair.

That's what always confused me about these things since i grew up outside Christianityas a jew.
Was accepting Jesus into your heart just like a vaccine for my eternal soul against going to hell?
Like could I say a few words I barely believe in and then go back to running a child sex ring and die later and go to heaven?

Jesus Tapdancing Christ.

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>that part about /gif/ in Hell
If that were true, I'd accept Christ in a fucking second.

I keep finding these in the bathrooms of Walmart!

These are hilarious. Thought you lived a good life? What about that one time you peeked at a women from around a corner?

Or the one about the muslim boy reading the bible who then is attacked by his people and forced to blow up a building.

>taking a historical instance of martyrdom to the point of transcendental value
There are worse ways to form an ideology. But not many.

This was my favorite comic of all time as a kid, thanks.

>Mary is the Advocate and Jesus is the Judge
How bizarre.

I see you are new, we have Chick threads from time to time.

full version of the japanese version plz it could be funny