Pitch me your Batman story

Its a perfectly ordinary night for Batman but all we get to read is his internal monologue.

Batman spots Damien doing a Fortnite dance and beats him to death with Joker's penis

>Catwoman's is a sleek, noir piece with no dialogue about her chase with Batman.
>Ra's al Ghul's story goes through several ancient art styles as he details the greatest warriors and the fall of civilizations he's witnessed and how Batman will ultimately take their place
>Arnold Wesker gets one panel to talk about his feelings towards Batman and his desire for recovery before his story is overrun by Scarface's crude doodles about how he's going to kill Gatman and rule Gotham's streets
>The Scarecrow writes a clinical analysis on Batman, depicting him as a rude, schizophrenic bully who only wishes to impede scientific progress and is an amateur compared to the Master of Fear
>Bane gets a powerful, Frazetta-style spread page depicting himself staring down Gotham and the hideous Bat-Monster within as he prepares to fight it
>The last story begins as a fairly straightforward retelling of The Case of the Chemical Syndicate that results in Batman pushing Bruce Wayne into the chemicals and quickly subduing all of Gotham as it's uncontested ruler. It turns out to be Hugo Strange's story.

The whole story turns out to be Bat-Mite's doing.

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Joker creates Joker International, killing all members of Batman Incorporated. Batman travels the world to arrest the affiliated Jokers.

>>Random cop shoot joker through the head killing him instantly.
>>media heralds the officer as a hero, finally ending the Joker's decades long reign of terror
>>Media starts asking why Batman could never accomplish this
>>Why batman would never kill joker and end it
>> families of joker victims form a PAC against vigilantes-- saying if cops had been running things from the get go, joker would have long since been killed by police bullets
>>Jom Gordon exposed for having purposely avoided capturing the vigilante Batman
>> forced to step down as commissioner
>>Police ordered to shoot Batman on sight
>>criminals start treating bats like shit, laughing him off
>> starts to effect batman's mood/ ability to do the job
>> younger members of batfamily start to question batman's effectiveness.
>> Dick Grayson is particularly effected, and it's the impetus for him to quit and become Nightwing.
>> only Superman and Alfred stick by him as Batman faces a "credibility crisis" without the bat family
>> Batman begins to toy with the idea of killing.
>> Dick Grayson decides to hunt down Two-Face intending to kill him for his part in his parents' murders.
>>Batman gets wind of this and has to find a hiding Two-Face or decide whether or not to let Dick kill Two-face or attempt to save him.

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One hundred years in the future, historians are trying to discover who was BAtman in a convention. Each one has his/ehr candidate, none of the think of Bruce Wayne.

hmmmn... Not bad! I’d read it at least.

batman dies chocking on a french fry

It is shown retroactively that for sometime Joker had a companion, Joker Jr, 10 years ago. Fast forward to now, Joker Jr is in the death row in Texas for murder. Bruce Wayne goes to watch the execution while thinking if death sentences could solve Gotham's violence.

Trying to think of a good story that would work with present-day Batman. I once had a great story in mind for the mid-00s status quo of Batman, but it wouldn't work in the current day.

Batman finally rapes the Joker.

Tell us user, I'd like to hear your ideas

"The Anointed"
>4 or so years ago, a hotel in Gotham burned down due to the owner skimping on fire safety
>many die while others are badly burned
>hotel owner sees no jail time and only has to pay a fine and settle lawsuits
>current year: in order to raise his PR, the hotel owner hosts a charity event in celebration of the opening of his new hotel
>event is held at the very top floor of the new hotel
>an armed group calling themselves "The Anointed" storm the hotel, making their way up each floor with the goal to kill the owner
>Batman arrives to stop them, but things turn complicated when he learns the Anointed are all burn victims from the hotel fire now seeking revenge
>things get even worse when some of the Anointed, instead of being captured by Batman or the police, would rather commit suicide by setting themselves on fire
>Wrath, using a sniper rifle atop another building, assists the Anointed
>when confronted by Batman, he tells him the Anointed are justice and that the law has failed
>obviously Wrath is defeated and tied up
>finally Batman makes it to the top floor in time to fight the leader of the Anointed, who wields a flamethrower and has been so disfigured by their burns that their identity and even gender is no longer discernible
>during their fight, the leader suddenly dies from their burn injuries due to overexerting their body
>during the chaos, the hotel owner managed to escape the building
>rather than wait for the police, he has his limo driver pick him up
>limo driver is revealed to be Scorn, who earlier had untied Wrath
>after driving the hotel owner to his condo, Scorn kills him by setting him on fire
>with most of the Anointed dead, Bruce feels somber
>story ends with him setting up a fund for those affected by the fire all those years ago
pls r8

This got WAY too long.
part 1
>New guy starts patrolling Gotham, inspired by Batman but he's an arrogant hotshot
>He is better at PR, doesn't try to hide his identity, openly does charity work, and technically works for the federal government, who let him do superhero stuff because he got permission, has a license to kill like James Bond does
>He's also a shitload more brutal than Batman, doesn't hesitate to use lethal force, and has a sadistic streak a mile wide
>The good PR stunts are out of necessity because otherwise everyone would realize he's a craven sadist who's only doing this because justice and causing pain to bad guys gives him a jolly
>Batman doesn't like him, offers to team up at least once to try to be nice, hotshot guy declines
>Go after the same villain one night, hotshot guy tells Batman to stay out of his way. Batman doesn't listen because he's a stubborn mule and doesn't want to lose the huge amount of detective work he put in to nail this guy and bring in all the evidence and everything
>Hotshot guy just finds the villain, shoots him in the kneecaps, and then electrocutes him to death with some kind of futuristic lethal tazer type weapon
>Batman is disgusted, arrests hotshot guy for manslaughter because the villain he killed was already immobile and posed no threat
>Shit goes to trial, jury finds him "Not Guilty" because everybody loves him so much and he bribed them anyway and called it "gifts to the public" since a few people other than the jurors got the money and he never actually told them the money was for a bribe, it was just implied
>Batman becomes even more disgusted

The Insanity Plea is abolished in Gotham city by a new mayor, from now on any crimes committed regardless of mental health will result in the same sentence as an ordinary person, and if any current Arkham inmates escape, they will be sent to Blackgate.

part 2

>As part of a PR stunt, hotshot dude has the public vote on whether they like him or Batman better
>Public votes for new hotshot guy, obviously
>Hotshot guy gets on TV and demands Batman leave Gotham forever because he's spooky and gets in the way of his "crusade" (really just a murder-spree against criminals and villains), says Batman is old and redundant
>Batman doesn't listen, continues being Batman. Commissioner Gordon agrees with Batman that this new hotshot guy is nothing but trouble, especially after that botched manslaughter trial
>Batman and new hotshot guy cross paths again chasing down a guy who' been stabbing homeless people for fun
>New hotshot guy lets the killer get away so he can take a shot at Batman, puts a bullet in Batman's foot. Batman can't chase the killer anymore.
>When Batman asks what the hell that was all about new hotshot guy says his gun misfired, didn't mean to do it>Batman doesn't believe him, yells at him, demands he hand over his gun and give up crimefighting forever, and says he's been EXTREMELY lenient on him so far
>Hotshot guy is insulted, challenges Batman to a duel with swords on TV, victory conditions being surrender or inability to continue fighting
>Batman says, "If it's the only way to get you off the streets, fine", plans on humiliating this smug fucker to get public opinion away from him too
>Batman spends the meantime actually stopping the dude from stabbing homeless people and saving the day. Hotshot guy spends his time before the duel making an electric sword that will zap and paralyze Batman when he parries a blow

The Joker learns he has cancer and only a short time left to live. As he goes on one last crime spree, he eventually obtains and uses a device to swap minds with Batman. As Batman now in Joker's body dies, Joker realizes that with dead parents comes great responsibility, and he vows to become a Better Batman.

part 3

>Day of the swordfight
>Batman shows up with his own sword, won't use the cheap shitty one hotshot guy offers him
>Hotshot guy is okay with this, he's using a cheating sword anyway
>Batman's sword is rigged too, it has a fragment of orange kryptonite in the hilt, to temporarily give him superhuman strength and speed, too small to make him like superman, but enough to give him a major edge
>Hotshot guy is actually really fucking good at sword dueling, takes some nasty hits, but realizes his zappy deal isn't doing enough. Cranks it up to full power
>Parries a blow from Batman, gives him a jolt strong enough to kill 30 elephants. Batman is downed, smoke is coming from him. Hotshot guy clearly won and everyone can see he cheated with an electric sword
>Hotshot guy starts kicking batman while he's down. Crowd starts booing him, they still think Batman's a good guy and shouldn't be treated like this, even though up to this point they liked the new dude better. Batman smiles, knowing he's all but won now.
>Hotshot guy is pissed. He's about to stab Batman in the shoulder when somebody hits him with a batarang and breaks his hand
>It's fucking Nightwing
>Arrests new hotshot guy. Dueling is illegal in Gotham.
>Goes to trial for dueling, this time he's convicted
>Goes to prison, gets his ass kicked in Blackgate because he murdered/tortured all those criminals earlier and their buddies aren't too happy
>Good end

I like it! I think it'd make for a good original story too.

So official Batman fanfiction, I dig it.

A dark, gritty version of Batman has to deal with goofy, silver age villains

>bank robbery, standard day
>no victims yet, robbers escape
>batman chases after, gets most of them
>one still manages to run
>batman chases
>throws batarang
>guy fucking trips at same time
>the famous batprecision doesnt work, batarang to a spine
>reanimation attempt
>still won't walk again
>blanks in guns
>criminals ashamed but still, go to prison
>wounded guy starts to hate batman, he wanted a better future for children etc
>ofc wayne is also trying to live this down
>"innocent" yadda yadda yadda, conflicting viewpoints within the batfamily
>wounded guy goes to joker
>offers himself to make batman suffer
>joker is delighted, straps a bomb on him
>starts a new plan
>classic crime spree, batman manages to somehow fix it with batfamily help
>last piece is the joker and the guy
continue?

Yes, continue, you don't have to ask

A goofy, silver age Batman has to deal with dark and gritty modern villains

so, as an addition
>toss in some Bruce trying to fix the guy's life he refuses
>then the joker and the guy
>batman fights the joker, wins
>joker cackles about the bomb under the wheelchair, through bloody teeth
>batman goes to the wheelchair guy
>wheelchair fights, he does not want to be saved
>explosion happens, both batman and wheelchair guy are hurt
>despite treatment wheelchair guy ends in a coma
>another failure from batman, plot hook for the next book
so, that's pretty much it. Could go for like 4 - 6 issues.

This. Killed by random goons in a freak accident. Rest of the book is the reaction of the Bat family and other heroes/villains. He also never comes back. No time shenanigans, no retcons no alt universe shit. I wonder how people would react.

Why do you hate Batman?

I like this one better.

>Flashback: Batman saves a dude
>Present day: Dude became detective
>Reveal: Dude is in love with Batman

Hell, it's a power puff girls episode.

You joke but there was a 90s arc that that happens in.
Without the Superior Batman part
Joker's Last Laugh or something

Just read Wrong Earth

>Shocking twist: Batman was the Dude all along

Thick noir version of Batman Beyond Revenge of The Joker, replace The Mutants with Joker Gang.
Movie starts with horrendous bashing of Robin to death. Ends with Batman scanning his mind into the same thing Joker did as Batman Beyond music plays to end credits. Cast Josh Heartnet as Bruce Clone Son, Cast Jared Leto as Joker possessed Jason Todd.

>Batman of France
Batman is a poor orphan boy who comes from a noble lineage. His parents were killed during the French Revolution. Despite being impoverished, he fights injustice in hopes of bringing peace to France.

Joker is an insane French noble who wears gaudy clothes and uses his wealth and connections to evade punishment for his crimes.

Bane is The Man in the Iron Mask and his origins and motivations are unknown but is forced to work for the Joker for reasons unknown.

Poison Ivy is a mix of Marie Antoinette and Elizabeth Bathory, using the blood of her victims to feed her monstrous plants.

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Ra’s Al ghoul teams up with poisennIvy to restore the planet. Ivy’s powers and Ra’s resources are a big threat. Batman infiltrates the league to try and break apart the union ship between Ra’s and Ivy.

basically a what would batman do in present day situations.

uncovering global conspiracies
or maybe having the global conspiracy reach out to batman for help
something with human trafficking

a story where people actually take batman as a symbol of revolution,
but it ends up turning the revolutairies into paranoid witch hunters that eventually cause the revolution to implode.
kinda like what if batman was a social force instead of just a vigilante movement.
kinda takinging the bat family and magnifying it to the bat community, or the bat regime.

Batman dies, everyone parties!!!

The Joker tries to drink the ocean and Batman has to stop him

Alfred finally convinces Batman to sleep and we see all that goes on when hes not around, some good, some bad, plus the fear in bruces head whilst of what he could be doing while he's at home

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From the a long time ago
Instead of Thomas and Martha Wayne being killed in a botched mugging, They're gunned down by a deranged Alfred who wants to steal the family fortune, knowing that he cannot go home he becomes a street urchin for a short period of time until meeting Joe chill, who he takes under his wing. As Bruce grows up on the rough streets of Gotham, He grows a resentment for the malicious upper class who benefit off of the suffering of the little guy.
He becomes Batman: a mid-level villain with a robin hood complex, Stealing from other crooks and the elite. He's actually good friends with some of original rogues gallery like croc and the riddler, he's rivals with the joker as he still has his no-kill rule for civilians and doesn't want to hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it.
There's also a Murderous Vigilante Known as the Enforcer who kills crooks for even the pettiest of crimes, who has his eyes set on Batman as he wants to expose him for the criminal he is.
The Enforcer is Commissioner Gordon who's fed up with having to follow the rules while no one else has to.

This batman would generally be more of a bro like other villains in his pay grade, Sometimes yelling I AM THE NIGHT! As he swashbuckles away from the cops to go hang out and spend his haul with old man Chill.
He'd also dislike catwoman as he sees right through her like glass unlike the average Batman, He's got a thing for Vicky Vale who advocates him as a bit of an antihero instead of a villain like the cops view him.
Even if he has more fun he's still got a little bit of that edge that manifests as hate for Alfred who is in his house, eating his food, with his inheritance, along with the rest of the Elite who prey on the people of this city

The last thing a burn victim would want is to burn to death let alone be burned again at all. That part is hard to take serious.

black transgender batman

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>Batman encountering a vigilante akin to Greg Saunders. Said vigilante is also assisting a ailing Alfred in serving the Wayne estate.
Or
>Bruce Wayne, without a way to become Batman, joins the GCPD.

He gets raped by Donkey Kong for 72 hours straight.

A bunch of assassins team up to try to kill Batman. They arrive at Gotham only for the Joker to hunt them all down and kill them one by one. Batman has to save the people that have come to kill him because they are absolutely no match for the Joker.

Joker asks Batman why he's stopping him, he's just trying to "help" him out.

Batman beats up Joker, throws him in Arkham, beats the shit out of the surviving assassins who turn on him after he takes out the Joker, and throws them all in jail.

Joker's men murder the surviving assassins in jail anyway.

Just another night in Gotham.

>joker is found dead in arkham
>bruce wayne has turned into a recluse and is staying in bruce manor
> the question tells the justice league that batman could have killed him
>clark kent goes to wayne manor, tells bruce that hes suspect 1 and should turn himself in
>bruce refuses because he didnt do it and doesnt want the world to know that hes batman
>wonder woman and superman and flash try to force him out of his manor
>bruce has prepared for this
>uses frictionless surface to slow down flash and turrets that fire tranquilzers at him
>uses a powersuit to fight wonderwoman and injects her with a serum that makes her bones and muscles really dense so she'll slow down
>he had nightwing sneak into daily planet and give lois lane a chemical that stops her heart, but nightwing has an antidote for that. lois will take precedence over batman
>after the fight and everyone is back to normal, he explains he didnt kill him, hes been depressed because joker completes him
>superman tells him to chin up and do some true detective work
>the trinity go back to arkham and find harley straddling jokers body and laughing and crying
>she turns to the trinity and tells them she finally did it
>batman flips out and starts beating the fuck out of harley
>joker sits up undertaker style
>tells him it was a big practical joke and that its all in good fun because its april first

The Riddler goes straight (again), decides he wants to be a hero, and his first mission has him up against The Creeper.

Batman has to undergo an Ayahuasca ceremony to stop a shamanic serial killer.

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Well, remember this was back when the Batfamily was at its apex of size and complexity. You had Batman, Oracle, Batgirl, Spoiler, Nightwing, Huntress, Orpheus, Sasha Bordeaux, Robin, Black Canary, and so many others associated with Batman. And there was a strong, repeated sense of tension between Batman and Oracle, especially over Cass.

So my idea has always been that one day Barbara has enough of Bruce's shit and declares that she's going to push him out of Gotham. Basically, Batman and Oracle go to war over who gets to patrol Gotham City. This splits the Batfamily almost evenly. Orpheus, Sasha, and Tim side with Bruce. Steph, Helena, and Dinah of course side with Barbara. The two wildcards are Dick and Cass, because they feel pulled in multiple directions.

But in the meantime, the two factions spend all this time sparring and sniping at each other along the rooftops of Gotham. And when Bruce finally gets fed up and presses Barbara on what her problem is, Barbara finally lets him have it and rails at him for what she perceives as his inadequate response to the Joker shooting her in the spine. That's when she started to think about whether Batman is really equipped to deal with Gotham's troubles, or not. Bruce is somewhat blindsided by this, and has to think about it a little. Meanwhile Barbara is determined to claim Gotham for herself, because she no longer trusts Bruce to do his job.

And I suppose various villains are taking advantage of the war among the Batfamily. I can picture Penguin and Poison Ivy being especially eager to ply their trade. And Catwoman is also a rogue agent, because she both loves Batman and is somewhat sympathetic to Oracle's arguments.

It would all just be a big mess that ends with maybe a permanent severing of alliances and splitting of the Batfamily. The ultimate team gets cracked apart.

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I don't know, probably similar to how they reacted when Superman "fucking died."

absolutely abhorrent. it sounds like something bendis would write. so, you're hired.

>He also never comes back. No time shenanigans, no retcons no alt universe shit. I wonder how people would react.
What do you mean how would they react? They wouldn't believe it, and they'd be right because the next writer after you would bring him back about a month later if even that long. If you think you can make a story with "no retcons" you don't understand what a retcon is. The entire point is they happen after the fact and change what you had established earlier.