ALRIGHT Yea Forums, WHY ARE YOU APPLYING TO BE A JOE? WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL SKILL AND CODENAME?
ALRIGHT Yea Forums, WHY ARE YOU APPLYING TO BE A JOE? WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL SKILL AND CODENAME?
Elijah Thomas
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Luis Young
I can make things awkward and make Cobra want to leave in minutes!
Eli Green
feels like this should be a random word generator game for maximum humor.
>THUMB AGENCY
guess i'm in internal affairs
Mason Lewis
Alot of Disney Trivia, BBQ skills, and Trail mix.
Jose King
I have an encyclopedic knowledge of cinema, Duke.
Naturally, my codename should be Slayer or something of that nature.
Lucas Young
CYBERWARFARE DUKE. CODENAME: TROY
NOT THAT PANSY SHIT STARING AT LINES OF CODE ALL DAY BUT REAL FIGHTING
WE'RE ONLY AS FREE AS OUR INFORMATION AND THE SUPERHIGHWAY NEEDS AS MUCH PROTECTION FROM THOSE SNAKES IN THE GRASS AT COBRA
Juan Anderson
>Codename
EATMYASSHOLE
>Skill
Shitting Knives at the enemy
Jayden Smith
>Codename
Ugleh
>Skills
Psychological Warfare.
Brandon Clark
>Codemane
Scandianvian menace
>Skills
Can be friends with everything but mean black girls.
Kevin Fisher
Codename Procrastinator
Skill: I'll think of it later
Easton Parker
Codename
>Sellout
Special Ability
>Being a spy for Cobra.
Matthew Foster
Didn't at one point say that the cobras henchmen are actually just US citizen because they couldn't find work anywhere else?
Isaiah Lee
Codename: Cobra commander... Clutch! Cobra Clutch!
Skillset: Leadership! Snakesmanship! Unlimited money! Not spying though.
Benjamin Anderson
>Codename
Buncho
>Skills
I kill Elves and Magical Schoolchildren with just a bottle.
Camden Young
I can make my pee pee hard.
Angel Baker
When Cobra went bankrupt the troops filed for unemployment.
Michael Morris
that makes you eligible for the GCPD, not GI Joe.
Commissioner Gordon needs hard guys like you.
Thomas Watson
So yeah, wouldn't it be logical to make work for these guys instead of putting millions on an small armed force team that beat said people up?
Josiah Gray
Cobra Commander tends to have a better offer.
Mason Price
Good for them. I never really like the G.I. Joe since they seem so hypocritical with their message when they couldn't even help out the normal people
Levi Lee
I just came to check out Lady Jaye’s ass. And I was not disappointed.
William Allen
but they are an anti-terrorist unit. it's literally not their job.
Christian Ward
Does said offer promise Vodka?
I need more bottles.
Daniel Price
Probably
Hunter Watson
And they could do a great job in that by culling the Cobra's number by helping or forming a way to give those guys jobs. Of course, this would put the GI Joes out of the jobs if they did any of that.
Henry Bell
Based, that Elf bitch's gonna get it now
Charles Rodriguez
It's not GI Joe's job, but it sadly does give a cynical message that the poor and the workers are always exploited by those in power, and anyone who ever claims to want to help them is inevitably a charlatan who just wants to use them to get power. It's not really wrong, but it's bleak.
Tyler Diaz
Remember that episode where Cobra hired street gangs to attack a politician and his supporters? Then it turned out Cobra was backing the politician and just using the attacks as false flags to get him more support. Then they planned to turn on the gangs to full the guy's tough on crime polices.
Dominic Morris
I was once man.... Once a man
Zachary Bennett
Codename Human Shield.
Ability...uh, Human Shield.
Daniel Perez
MoodKiller you're in!
Owen Fisher
Alright, get your thumbs up and ready to penetrate Cobra’s forces!
Alright, Incelface! You’re with him!
Mouse Trail, welcome to the team.
The Kino Kommander it is.
Alright Troy, welcome aboard!
Knifeshitter, show us your skill.
You look like a man that can build a gun, Texas style.
Isaac Scott
There are no mean black girls in Cobra kiddo, try again!
You’re rough, I like your style. You’re in!
TAKE HIM DOWN, YO JOE!
Nice propaganda, snake breath!
Alright Cobra Clutch, you seem trustworthy!
This. The Commissioner keeps asking Batman to do what General Hawk wants me to do with Cobra Commander.
What did Hasbro mean by that?
Can you block a BAT and parachute out of an exploding plane in enough time to keep our ratings PG or below?
Based Poster, you’re in!
Owen Williams
I’m Moodkiller Incelface? You asshole!
Dylan Morgan
Ye--probably not, no.
Jack White
>tfw can't make Joes
Leo Martinez
WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME user
Liam Wood
Then you’re shipping off to Sgt. Slaughter’s roughnecks for the darker and edgier seasons, pal!
Carson Adams
Call me Haphazard, Sarge! I half-ass everything.
Gabriel Hernandez
>Mouse Trail
I kinda like it
Easton Mitchell
reporting for duty, sir!
i can smoke weed, fap to porn and eat ice cream all day like no one's business!
yo joe!!!!!
Nathaniel Cox
Skills: black, Rudimentary coding, turtle expert, charismatic despite myself.Applying cause knowing is half the battle.
Camden Ramirez
I'm a clone of classified and can do Ninja stuff really well, I can't speak either.
Ryan Allen
>Codename
Coffee Maker
>Skill
Torturing anyone who doesn’t drink my Coffee
Austin Miller
What did GI JOE stand for?
Angel Ross
>this new
Jason Sanchez
skills:
Legal Research, Board games, encyclopedic knowledge of Power metal
Asher Murphy
The power to have a heart attack, but only once.
Codename:CALLTHEAMBULANCE
Ethan Torres
Dale... I mean, Rusty, Rusty Shackleford! My special skills are infiltration and killing stuff with chemicals. Shi shi sha!
Aiden Gonzalez
>Special skill
Body massage
>Codename
Mr. Body Massage Machine
Gavin Roberts
I WANT SEX, MY SKILLZ IS BIG BUTT AND CODENAME BUTTERINA
Adam Carter
What do you mean?
Alexander Flores
I DON’T WANNA DIEEEEE
Lincoln Lopez
oh yeah, code name: MAXIMUS
Nathaniel Ortiz
he can only make cobras
Juan Martinez
Brap power isn't necessary ma'am
Camden Cook
I'm good at being nice and being friends with people, I would like the codename Friender.
thank you
Andrew Bell
>Why
I WANT TO KILL THE ENEMIES OF THE WESTERN WORLD, SIR, IN A CUSTOMIZED OUTFIT!
>Skill
YELLING AT DINKS ON THE INTERNET, DRAWING, GEEK TRIVIA, AND COOKING!
>Name
CALL ME...LOUDMOUTH!!!
Jeremiah Williams
Codename: Warcrime
Skill: Misanthropy
Jayden Barnes
Whoops, I forgot the reason why. For the salary. I want to eat, buy nice things and bang sluts. I'll torch entire african villages for gunpla and pussy.
Brody Bell
I can go considerable lengths of time without physical interaction with another living thing, making me perfect for manning remode monitoring outposts. Codename: Brown Recluse.
Nathan Garcia
I join For all the brown people i can rape. My skills include drawing furry porn and faux anime
Xavier Rogers
mi.
mimimimimimi mimi mimimi mimimimimimimimi
> mimimimimimimimimi. mimimi mimimimi mimimimi mimi.
mimimi.
Gabriel Howard
Hi, Sarge, my handle's "Twitch"! I can play videogames.
Bentley Edwards
>GI JOE is legally obligated to notify all gamers must be wear slave girl gear when the opportunity arises.
James Parker
Bowie movement welcome aboard
Ian Price
Here's an actual application form.
Jordan Murphy
Welcome to the team Trouble Shooter. You'll be back at base doing drone strikes
Adrian Cox
>codename
Woman
>skill
A vagina
Cameron King
Code Breaker
Cybersecurity and cyber intel. We need to make sure that information everywhere is safe from Cobra's insidious rewriting.
Yo Joe!
It does actually scare me how a dedicated terrorist cell like Cobra could manipulate public information and that such things happen in real life. Imagine Cobra rewriting history on Wikipedia.
Alexander Butler
Agent Honey Pot, you'll be put in the intelligence department
Anthony White
yvan eht nioj
Aiden Thomas
Oh I don't waaaaaaaaaaant a pickle
I just wanna ride my moooOOOOOoootorsickle
Cooper Cook
You shall be known as Codename: Fart Eater
Brayden Rodriguez
>bowie movement
Dylan Edwards
CODENAME: Shitpost
SPECIAL SKILL: I go onto the Yea Forumsbra web forum BBS and shitpost them into thinking it was Dr. Mindbender or Zartan that did it!
Brody Nguyen
Skill
>hair stylist
Codename
>Blowjob
Jeremiah Nelson
I know very little about the GI Joe series, having grown up too late for the original series and too early for any of the reboots. I have seen parts and pieces of the comics and Resolute.
Just by what little I have pieced together, though, I think I know how a Cobra organization could pull together in a 'realistic' GI Joe series. Pardon the autism.
First, let's talk about the choice of organization name: Cobra. Sounds obviously sketchy, right? Perfect for a bunch of pure evil terrorists. Nobody could really see themselves as a Cobra and in the right, right? Well... Cobras are known for eating other snakes, and king cobras are famous for defending their young ferociously, being notable as the ONLY snakes to do so. Combine that with their iconic ability to raise themselves to face humans and their venom and they perfectly represent a group trying to defend themselves from the insidious and poisonous. Cobras are powerful and terrifying, making the Don't Tread On Me rattlesnake look almost childish in comparison. Which gives us a hint as to who Cobra might attract to be part of their 'quiver': Military veterans and other disenfranchised experts.
Imagine this: A former infantry officer inherits his father's used car dealership and plans to live off his 20+ years of service and the dealership income. Except he sells a bad car and gets slammed with a massive tort case when the machine fails and kills all but one member of the family driving in it. More than that, his brother was driving drunk and caused the accident in question, dying in the process. The lawyer for the family plays that shit up as hard as he possibly can and the future Commander loses everything. His son can get by on the GI bill, at least, but his wife leaves him and Commander goes into a death spiral that ends in him rounding up a bunch of his old buddies who have similar stories of being boned by The Man.
(CONT)
Evan Ramirez
Mason Long
Commander rallies these men and women and uses rhetoric involving the not-quite-incorrect statements of internal corruption in the US Govt and the untouchability of corporations. He also contacts members of other militaries, PMCs, and anyone else willing to listen to help him form Cobra. Cobra’s stated mission is to defend the common man from those that would take from him what’s rightfully his, and to hold accountable those that skim the law for their own gain. To this end, Cobra Commander stages robberies of money, equipment, and identity, using all of these as motivation for the aimless to join his cause.
After an initial investigation reveals one of the weapon and vehicle robberies was an inside job within the Department of Defense, nations worldwide are spooked the fuck out and order a full audit of all their armed forces. This actually works in Cobra’s favor as perfectly functional, if not honest, soldiers get handed pink slips as a result and some decide to join COBRA out of spite. The unemployed, especially young and disillusioned men, bolster Cobra’s ranks out of frustration or in spite. U.S. attempts to silence the new ‘Cobra Wave’ only make its defenders more virulent.
Cobra recruits from all walks of life and becomes increasingly ambitious and zealous in its goals. Soon its very existence is considered the foremost threat to U.S. national security. Delta Force is initially called on against Cobra when the latter appears, but as the threat increases, ‘Special Counter-Terrorist Group Delta’ becomes a joint special operations unit of its own. Members are hand-picked from all services and scrutinized to the highest degree. Civilians are also recruited for non-combat purposes, but are subject to even more rigorous screening.
The stage is set for a daring American special missions force whose purpose is to defend human freedom from Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world...
Yo Joe!
Benjamin Scott
You’re unorthodox, but I like it. Welcome to the team!
Welcome Blowjob! I’m sure you’ll make the team really happy!
THIS IS GIJOE NOT THE NAVY WE BEAT YOU IN THE FOOTBALL GAME LAST YEAR
Weclome!
impressive, kek
Go join Cobra! We don’t do that here!
You could trick the entire enemy! Cobra Confusion, you are in!
Welcome to the team, Haphazard! Guess you’ll finish training in double the time!
Maximus Jackimus, you can join Special Ops!
Dr. Lincoln Talbot, is that you?
You’re in Counter-Food-Terrorism Operations, Coffee Maker.
THAT’S CLASSIFIED, COMMIE!
Well Cobra usually recruits straight out of law school, but...Esquire, welcome aboard!
Andrew Baker
Didn’t you post in forums calling us Illuminati, Dale?
That seems inconvenient for us, no offense.
Sexual Warfare department
Psy-Ops it is, Friender!
you’re in, Loudmouth!
You too, Brown Recluse!
Bentley Diaz
>Nah I’m just kidding with you
I DON’T WAAAAANNNA DIEEEE
I JUST WANNA RIDE MY MOTORCY...........cle
Hunter Rodriguez
my name is james jinx
and luck be my lady and she outright murders anyone i don't like.
Thomas Gomez
Based
Nathaniel Adams
Fags
Asher Long
Lizardman,
Lizardman
and uh...lizardman
Chase Nguyen
WHAT THE FOCK ARE YOU WANKAHS DOIN IN MY BLOODY THREAD
Bentley Davis
Aren’t lizards reptiles like, you know, cobras?
Nathan Collins
I can control the muscle movement inside of my penis when flaccid and erect, including uretha, and surrounding taint region up to my prostate, with the setback that my left testicle reascends into my body when I over exert these motions.
Give me a codename boss.
Thomas Brooks
My specialities? Playing video games and jacking off.
Luke Brown
I can turn invisible by standing still and not speaking when around other people, usually takes around a minute and can last indefinitely.
codename; Lonesome
Joshua Nelson
>wanting to join Cobra
imagine being this cucked
Evan Scott
My name is Swampy and I'm a real American hero. I've been protecting people of the bayou for decades. I figure it's time to expand my hunt and take on Cobra. I'm a skilled beer drinking reptilian hunting mofo who can make a mean gumbo. Just get me one those flying air-boats, a good ole rifle, and a big stick. Cobra's gonna git skinned alive on my watch. As a side note I got a bad case of diabetes so how's your health insurance?
Elijah Reed
nutcase
Jose Rodriguez
My name is The Spider and I'm flexible
That's it
Colton Cooper
Gamer, rise up and join us.
Gung-Ho and you will be friends. Welcome, Swampy.
Based and joepilled
Alright Spider, welcome to the team.
You and Incelface should work together
Sebastian Hill
>brrapp
Imagine the smell.
Hunter Edwards
Gunmetal
Matthew Garcia
>Why ae you applying to be a Joe?
Because the US military will pay for my entire 20 years of service.
>What's your special skill
I'm a magical negro
>Codename
Uncle Tom
Hudson Nelson
Unironically this is the greatest panel in the history
Henry Harris
>Special Skill
Extremely good sense of smell
>Codename
Bloodhound
I want to be a Joe so I could one day have my own bathroom
Julian Foster
>Extremely good sense of smell
>Bloodhound
more like BRAAAPhound
Ryan Turner
youtube.com
American Heroes.
James Turner
>tfw you will never watch your family melt before your eyes.
Jonathan Jenkins
Valid point, but for crying out loud one of our top operatives literally has the word 'snake' in his codename
Oliver Wood
Based
Welcome to the team, BRAAAAPhound.
Fair enough. Lizardman, you’ll take point on our next mission.
Nathan Powell
>martial arts
>check two
>throwing stars and zen sword
Never change, the 1980s.
Jackson Garcia
I want to save the world!
My special skill is sleeping alot.
My codename is APNEA LONG
Hunter Cooper
I can do a barrel roll in a Q400.
Justin Jenkins
SIR, YES SIR!
Thomas Collins
Valor vs Venom
Nathan Anderson
I used a random word generator and got
>abnormal grief
I'm just gonna be in the corner holding myself.
Ayden Allen
Is "Boomer" already taken?
My special skill is that I can trigger SJWs merely by being in their presence.
Lincoln Ortiz
Fuck the Joes. I'm joining Cobra.
Call me Rattler. Specializing in heavy machine guns. That rattle alot.
Owen Lewis
NOT SO FAST!
Jackson Ramirez
Cobra Medic.
Name: Cottonmouth.
Christopher Collins
Cobra Dentist, you mean
Jacob Watson
>being Cobra cuck
Carter Bailey
Codename: Wildfire
Skills: thermobaric munitions expert
Alexander Morales
I have an uncanny ability for self destruction
My codename should be muhhamad