Look, my client, simply lost his temper... who hasn't?

Look, my client, simply lost his temper... who hasn't?

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Other urls found in this thread:

youtu.be/zBUDyntqcUY
youtube.com/watch?v=yum0MSXWltc
youtube.com/watch?v=wqnHtGgVAUE
anyforums.com/
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

They were following orders! Simple orders! When the light is green you go right? No different.

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Learn how to color correct dumb zoomer

Put a noise filter on, raise the tint and desaturate

My client is gay, so what? Who hasn't sucked a few cocks? Not a crime to guzzle cum.

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not bad. not particularly funny. but not bad.

okay now THIS is based

/r/ing Ted Kaczynski

do one for the zimmerman trial

The room was dark! He couldn't see two feet in front of him. What else was he supposed to do beside light the room up?

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This is so stupid but I still laughed
I can't believe nobody has done this before

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kek

green light means ok he makes a good point

BTFOd

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>I mean, who doesn't hate iphones? Am I right? And that planned obsolescence? I tell you, it's those tech companies who are the real criminals here.

Do this one next

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post the template

Under my guidance, my client Jim Robinson has decided to plead... guilty.

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kek

kek

Ignore the arm folks! Its a... nervous tick, he does it when attention is on him. Now, my client, what he did, valiantly fighting off SEVENTY children... he should be given a medal, not put on trial.

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post the template please

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Not really a template, this should work.

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is this the birth of Saulposting?

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Lol

How would he defend Jigsaw?

wow this is epic!

I'm sorry judge, I move for a mistrial, "Jaffa"? These skype calls are clearly interfering with the jury's ability to hear my client's case

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Heh heh

"Come on, who here hasn't pulled a practical joke every so often? A whoopie cushion on a chair? Maybe something a little more extreme, like putting a big ol' spider on their shoulder? OK maybe there's a slight risk of danger, but it's still all in good fun, right? It's not really your fault if they panic, fall over, and break their neck. It's an act of God! So my client got a bit too carried away. Personally, I'm not a fan of his sense of humour. I'm more a 'late night TV' kind of guy. But hey, it's all in the name of good-spirited fun, right? I'm not going to judge him for trying to help people appreciate the simple, beautiful fact that they're alive and living in the greatest nation in the world. As far as I'm concerned, that makes him a patriot. Maybe he went a little bit too far, as we all do, on occasion. But does that make him a criminal? Well, you might as well lock me up too! And everyone else in this wonderful country who's played a little prank to try and lift the spirits of a friend in need."

>Can any man in this room honestly say they've never wanted to slit their wife's throat so severely that they practically sever it from their body? Fellas, come on, we're all one bad day at work and coming home to a shitty tuna casserole away from doing the same thing my client did.

Now I've always been a big fan of women's rights her body her choice and all that. Does it really matter if it happened 3 years late? Better late than never!

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Very cool!

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Someone should get that creepy voice program to read these in jimmy's voice
youtu.be/zBUDyntqcUY

Oh fuck me

Odenkirk's been doing that sheister bit longer than oj's been a murderer.

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based
read it in his voice

lmao absolutely based
t. boomer

Shyster

God bless breivik

is this a fresh new teevee meme?

Do for elliot rodger

>Better late than never

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>killed a Jew and a coal burner

Is he literally /our guy/?

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I don't know about you guys, but my client is not the very definition of heartless evil. Nothing about the evidence says he is worse than Hitler or Stalin. True, he did take advantage of women and killed them in the process, and believe me that is something that should be punished. But come on, look at Teddy here. Can you say to yourself that this is a man that should be behind bars for the rest of his life? My client is a devout Methodist Christian, and thats enough for you to say that he would never ever do this again. And that says a lot!

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Now I'm not gonna sit here and defend what my client may or may not have done to those Bosniaks, truly a terrible thing, but denying him a quick drink? I ask you your honor, who is the real criminal here?

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I'll never respect trump because of his blatant insecurity over his balding

here's another template/render if anyone wants it

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full pic
me on the left

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>regards, a manlet

joj

me in the far middle

BTFO

Zozzle

Holy shit saul's been a thing for over a decade and only now is this a thing?

Dangerously based

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These are pretty good.

Jimmy would've found some Puerto Rican guy to pin it on.

based zoomer

Based and Jimmy pilled.

Saul is so cash, you think David Cross is jelly?

Whoa.

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good god

Completely. He does the horrendous Chimpmunk movies and justified it as his indy cred doesn't pay bills, but then what indy cred does he even have?

You're out getting your starbucks and just like that, a call to the wild, your loins burn... its only human.

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*Shitter

I need one with this but I can't think of anything

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WHOA BASED

>but my client is not the very definition of heartless evil
jej

Before you judge, which one of you hasn't wanted to kill your boss? They make you come in early and make you stay late right?

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>This is all just a big misunderstanding, your honour. This is a case of performance art gone wrong, not a murder.

Reminder that Bob Odenkirk is so nice he even went out of his way to kickstart Cross' carreer once again amidst all his BB/BCS glory and David Cross still fumbled it.

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Got emmmmm

These audio tapes are substantial at best. I have no clue how they got admitted to evidence!

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>Now I won't yank your chain here, folks.
>My client here, Dylann Roof as you've come to know him. He can be a little uh..... let's say kooky. I mean, for pete sake look at the kid's haircut. Sorry, kid.
>So you may know Dylann as what these BOZOS in the news have been calling him; a white supremacist, a violent racist, an evil gunman, yada yada yada. But what if... I told you.. that Dylann here, in his own special little way, was trying his hand at some vigilante justice?
>Yes, you heard me right ladies and gentlemen of the court. Since he was a little boy all he ever wanted was to be a superhero, you know he really really respects justice and law, that's why we me and my buddy Dylann here get along so well. *starts getting dirty looks from all over the court* Aheh... yeah.
>But anyway, poor Dylann here though there was some, eummm, we'll call it a congregation of "shadow monsters" at church here. *Jimmy points at a random jury member* You've seen Lights Out right? Horror flick? No?
>So my client here did what any courageous and good-hearted well-meaning citizen would, he went to work. He got his weapons, his LEGALLY PURCHASED WEAPONS, MIGHT I ADD. I mean, come on people, this isn't Ricardo buying ivory coated AK-47s from the black market.
>So, he goes to work. But ahh, ehh. Not all goes to plan. My client, after not getting the help he rightfullly should've gotten, misinterpreted those poor churchgoers as those uum.. evil shadow creatures WHICH I still fully believe to this day he was really trying to vanquish.
>But, uh, yeah. He made some mistakes. People we killed.
>BUT HEY, we all make mistakes! Right?
>Right?

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circumstantial?

BRAVO VINCE

Extremely good thread.

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based MeToo and based chang

>this isn't Ricardo buying ivory coated AK-47s from the black market
based

He seems like a good guy. I wish I could find the clip of him from Super High Me. Basically a comedian did a documentary like Super Size Me but with weed. The whole thing is full of comedians talking about weed and Bob was the only one that talked negatively about weed and how he doesn't like it.

No witnesses? What sort of due process is this?

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Fuck off, David will stand as a staple of alternative comedy for generations to come and Odenkirk will be a forgotten sell-out.

based

He was at the bathroom! Can you really fault a good, hard working man for incompetent operators mucking things up while he was, erm, dropping the Brown's off at the Super Bowl, so to speak?

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is this a joj reference

My client here is a robot. The beep-boop type, you know the one. *does the robot dance* How do I know he's a robot? Well, for starters, I just took his freaking arm off! Look at this! *underhand throws the arm to the jury* And its not an organic arm, its a metallic, you can use it as a paperweight or even a hammer. I don't think any of you would use a human arm as a paperweight, certainly not me. Yet you got this robot arm that I can simply reattach to, as if nothing happened to him! Look at his face, no emotion, no surprise, no flinch. Cogito Ergo Sum, that's my motto. And this thing can't even tell what happened to its arm. If I showed this contraption to God and told Him that he was a man, he'd probably banish me for blasphemy, and then cause a locust storm, trust me. How much does it take to compare to this measure of a man? More than looking it.

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CHEWBACCA

youre killing me here user.

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>everyone agreed that it was 3.6 roentgen, how was my client supposed to know it was higher than that?
>its clear that the real crime in this trial is miscommunication

Fucking underrated

don't make me beg for this one OP, this thread has been so based i just forgave Yea Forums for all the shit threads over the past five years.

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Got em

>Can I be frank, your honor? This whole system, it was set up against my client from the start. Everything is working against him- I mean 3 days? And this "alleged" prosecutor- a man of the law!- has done nothing but undermine the entire concept of justice. Withholding evidence. Prepping witnesses. He doesn't care about justice and what's right. So please your honor, if you value an honest, just system of the law over some sleezebag opportunist, look into your heart and do what you know is the right thing.

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>*underhand throws the arm to the jury*

kek

Best thread on Yea Forums tonight

My client is innocent. He is simply a veteran exercising his rights. Hell he didn't even have a whatchamacallit... bump stock, on his minigun! Minigun! Not large gun mind you! Is a veteran not allowed to own small guns?

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Where's the Chernobyl trial

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...

How did ya'll get so good at writing Saul?

>I know its a bit cliche
>But you can't handle the truth
>Because my client is a hero of the United States of America

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Just act like a cocky lawyer with shit justification on why your client is innocent, and you got it.

Can you defend the area of Australia burnt for the proposed high speed rail line?

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kek

based

Why didn't Weinstein hire him?

Yeah well you know who else was just following orders?
Hitler!

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My client was simply watering his plants in his own way, with climate change around the corner you think he would be treated better than showing nude photoshopped photos of my client!

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>Fuck off, David will stand as a staple of alternative comedy for generations to come and Odenkirk will be a forgotten sell-out

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I never though I would said this, but:
Based zoomer.

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It's surprisingly easy.
Mostly because you read it in his voice and that's 60% of the work selling it

do Manson

Heh, lost it at this one

Do him.

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>yfw his daughter and gf who also drugged, kidnapped, and tortured these women are free women
Muhammad fucking Ali...

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>Ok guys I know what you're thinking, yes he's dancing with a guy dressed as a biker from the Village People. But, believe it or not - it's all a joke! My client is not a fag, he never was! it's his medication, fucks with his head, he can probably get a letter from his doctor!

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>Are we really going to discriminate my client because of his tattoos?
>Come on, we all have or wanted to have tattoos, right? Its hip as the kids say it, and its an expression of your true identity.
>Before we get to the crime he did, lets focus on the crime of prejudice that lurks within the system.

kek, I wonder what Tony's reaction would be to Saul

top zoz

Okay Mr. Saul Goodman was it? What proof do you have?

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Didn't expect this

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!reddit gold for you good sir

legendary thread

Please and thank you

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>blablabla saved a sick woman from suffering from coronary desease and suffering from mcdonalds dependency

>Did my client order 'WASTE THE MOTHERFUCKERS?' Sure he did. But who of us, when arriving home after a hard day of work and hears in the news some of our boys in Iraq got killed by an IED doesn't think: 'we should waste them motherfuckers'. And why were kids and women in a protest in which their side was using live ammo against our troops? Because those terrorists ARE HUMAN SHIELD USING MOTHERFUCKERS. This is not the sixties, and we are not hippies. America does no longer spit on our veterans.

>Mini gun
>not large gun
fucking kek

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>your honor, do you really think my client, a man in his 80's could be the BOSS of a mafia family? Take a look at him, the other day he stuck his hand in the drain and couldn't get it out for 4 hours. It's a true story by the way, so I have to ask you for a mistrial before he falls asleep in the courtroom.

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I can't believe no one thought of this until now
great potential

best thread i've seen on Yea Forums in months

Fucking LOL

Double 8s AND the best thread of the year.

Yeah, I'm thinkin'...

>B A S E D

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Based and Saulpilled

>whatchamacallit
This is so in character I'm dying over here

>a good man was trying to get some peace and quiet so he could go to bed, haven't we all wanted the same each night? What would you do for a good night's rest? Show of hands if you've done worse.

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BETTER CALL SAUL HAHA

Good one.

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BTFO

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underrated
newfags man I s2g

>The thing is your honor, my client, Mr. White, here had been up to the day of the time, had been on a very poor diet, consisting of mostly twinkies. Now I enjoy the occasional twinkie, who doesn't, but his diet was almost all twinkies, and anyone can tell you that that amount of sugar isn't good for you. Clearly all that sugar plus who knows whatever preservatives and chemicals they put in those things were all swarming around in his head making a twinkie cocktail of mind altering effects lets say. He simply wasn't in a right state of mind at the time and cannot be held accountable for these actions.

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FUCKING KEK

>Whoa! Hey, excuse me Officer, are you talking to my client without his lawyer present? Bzzzt, wrong answer! Maybe you think he doesn't deserve rights because he's a giant anthropomorphic hedgehog, right? Well officer, guess again, my client is very much a human. He's what certain communities on the world wide web have called a "furry". That's right, he's just an average man of short stature who is sexually aroused by the thought of getting plowed by other dudes wearing fursuits, that's not against the law last time I checked. Don't believe me, huh? You might want to check out this DVD.

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>In the words of my favorite poet Charlie Bukowski, "Slavery was never abolished, it was only extended to include all the colors." He was clearly making a point that blizzard or not, black or white, we all work for Mr. Goldberg

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JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. I don't remember when was the last time i laughed so much. Thanks op.

Is it a crime to put someone asleep? If it is, well, my brother Chuck is going away for a long time amiright folks?

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Based AMC shills

gotcha

Did my client steal the lemons? Yes. But this isn't some low life thief, this is a woman, a lady of the night if you will, so hungry that should had no choice but to take fruit from a tree.

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Someone defend Bateman

Jury, let me paint a picture for you, the police illegally tap an honest banker's phone. On the phone, he calls his lawyer friend- not me! a different lawyer... Patrick then does his classic schtick, the "I ate someones brains" bit. Now police obviously take this JOKE! A bit too seriously. Now yes, some of these people did disappear, but my client and his lawyer friend- again Id like to stress, not me- knew this and were doing a macabre joke! My client is innocent!

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Hmmm. I'm thinking..... Based.

BASED

Serbian propaganda

I dropped breaking bad 3 seasons in but liked Saul. Is Better Call Saul with watching?

Depends on why you stopped watching BB

Wow an actually good thread, not seen one of those in a while

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Really depends why you dropped Breaking Bad.

BCS is a LOT slower paced than Breaking Bad and in the beginning seasons has little to no criminal action. That ramps up later though. I’d compare seasons 1-3 more to something like Mad Men more than Breaking Bad.

kek

How do i upvote this twice?

>Murder? Kidnapping? Manslaughter?
>Your honor, with all due respect, my client always gave those people a choice. Thats it! A choice! They were free to leave whenever they felt like it and had clear instructions as how to do that.

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Thanks bois

Based thread

holy shit

Jury, Your Honor, my client Bruce Wayne cleared his schedule today to appear before you, he wasn't legally obligated to do so, but as a citizen of Gotham he came. He is not the Batman. Bruce I'm sorry, but your just a bit too pudgy, all those martinis went straight to your hips. He has a hard time exiting his lambo! Not to mention that with his billion dollar businesses he just doesn't have the time. Doesn't help that he has about 4 girlfriends plus mistresses too...

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//
/Based

Cross is in everything. When did his career die

hahaha

me on the far right

>Listen, might I direct your attention the city-wide dumping ordinance? Look it's a fine mattress, nobody is arguing that, my clients just feel this isn't the proper disposal protocol and they don't want things to get ugly.

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great thread and kek

kek

>cut to court room
>My clients acting in defense. May I remind the jury that the drugged up dumper took the swing first?

Best thing to come out of nothing happens: the show

Nice job OP

Best comeback I’ve seen in ages on here.

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based as fuck

based, i was going to do this too

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What a nice break from contrarians and sneed posters. Yea Forums hasn’t had a thread this good in awhile.

Based

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youtube.com/watch?v=yum0MSXWltc

Graphite tips! how was he supposed to know? it was crossed out, classified.

Based

Based Yea Forumsie

88= heil hitler?

hulk hogan

I swear if they had that trial on the show I would call it unrealistic.

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>when it goes to black and white paintings
fucking kek

Jury, Your Honor, you ever had a stuck-up boss with a God complex give you some stupid and borderline crazy orders and threaten to fire you in case you don't comply? We've all been there, right? But you gotta keep the lights on and food on the table, so buck up and get to it. And that's exactly the situation my clients found themselves in. Just following orders, Your Honor, just following orders! Nothing criminal in that.

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Christ this is the best shit

but current doesn't flow in a battery..

>beginning of the march
>thread of the year

yeah, i'm gonna call a based on that

Do a prince Andrew one

Chucks condition was even batteries, current or no, he still felt “pain” from a battery. Another reason why it’s psychosomatic.

Someone has got to do the succulent chinese meal guy.

ABSOLUTE CHICANERY

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Underrated

Lol

Best one.

trump lies about his height too...

underrated

>Don't believe me, huh? You might want to check out this DVD.
Oh no

OP I fucking love you

Never saw this show but still enjoyed the thread.

Here's a quick recap of who Saul Goodman is.
youtube.com/watch?v=wqnHtGgVAUE

technical advice on hastily rendered memes?
go fuck and kys
contriboot

Somebody make one with Stayvon

Who is this?

Reported for bullying

Fantastic thread

kek

A daring synthesis.

holy fucking shit dude

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I think it's one of them ENRON honkeys. Some white collar money heist shit or something.

the virgin complainer
the chad contributor

I believe my client misspoke. He couldn't defend a small animal from a bear let alone himself in court. Let's call it a mistrial and restart this whole thing, capiche?

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Nice.

wow saul looks like shit here. how long is bcs supposed to be before breaking bad?

savage AF

>I mean, for pete sake look at the kid's haircut. Sorry, kid
Holy fuck. I'm dying over here.

that is exactly what he wants you to think. the seed has been planted.

include me in the screen cap

this thread will single-handledly kill sneedposting and baneposting

Do Epstein now.

came here for this

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The guy's a prince, he's got nerves of steel, he doesn't sweat like an average joe.

My client was just enjoying some Pizza and if that's a crime then why don't we lock up all of the east coast, huh?

So what if he seems cold and uncaring? He's British! They're all like that!

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reddit wins again

It gets kinda boring in the prison cell, whose to say Jeff didn't go out like Carradine, performing the good ol' choke and stroke. I know I've experimented a few times.

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fuckin destroyed

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>Ladies and Gentlemen, whilst we wait for Mr Epstein to leave his cell, lets look at the facts here. You're telling me this man had his own private island, where he would entertain presidents for underage sex parties? Is this a court case or a plot to a bond film? For christsake if you're gonna slander a guy atleast make it believable. Your honour do I even need to ask for a mistrial?

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kek

manson

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Hannibal

simple yet effective

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>light the room up

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lol based

Damn that’s good

Finna

best Yea Forums thread and Yea Forums meme in forever

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Pottery

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Someone do a 'to catch a predator' one please. I'd do it but this thread will be dead by the time I'm home

put me in the screencap based r/Yea Forums redditors

George Zimmerman

GIMME JIMMY

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kek

GIMME JIMMY!

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6 million? 6MILLION?! Have you ever been to that errr Alshallfits? THE DOORS ARE WOODEN!

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You can feel the seethe.

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Dubs say yeas

That might play in the big cities but here in Albuquerque we're simple folk

Based.

Truly based
I miss that period in history
>Hey boss, someone iced a fag so they're gonna fry him
>Can't have that Jimmy, you spin some bullshit and I'll talk to the prosecutor
>Twinkies!

Based

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so is BCS actually good?

Breivik is a complete hero. If only more people like him took a chance and stood up for their countries.

By being represented by a couple of Lawyers kinda like Saul.

yes

Hello, based department? I'm thinking we got an epic thread on our hands here. Oh yea, definitely the best of the year so far. I'm gonna need your finest screencapper for this one.

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The first season is good, but the rest is pretty dull unless you really like legal drama.

Man, Netflix Punisher was so dull.
He acted nothing at all like the Punisher.
>has mercy on criminals
>like, 2 episodes with any murder in it, most of them are just him playing shrink patient with blonde bitch from Daredevil

if you liked BB in it's early seasons you'll probably like BCS.

Fuck the frog. Put me on the screencap.

Ouch.

Fuck off cnn

Kino

Holy based

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>kill baneposting
Impossible.

Bah Gawd as my witness he is broken in half! Bah Gawd he has a family dammit! Think of your family! Think of your fans! Bah Gawd!